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The 19 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant — but succinct — wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
time flies when you’re alone with pickles and Netflix
— Tess Koman (@tessie_the_mess) May 31, 2015
Just saw a guy struggling to unicycle down the sidewalk and wanted to whisper to him, “No one’s making you do this.”
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) May 31, 2015
being an adult is exactly like a birthday party, except when the piñata breaks open it’s full of bills & death
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) May 31, 2015
I’ve live-phoned, live-blogged & live g-chatted Sense & Sensibility ’95 w/ girlfriends for 2 decades. Will we persist in this until we die?
— Sarah Marian Seltzer (@sarahmseltzer) June 1, 2015
nothing tastes as good as muting an email thread feels
— Lara Parker (@laraeparker) June 1, 2015
When you’re shopping around for a new therapist and are just like
PLEASE ACCEPT ME AND ALL MY ISSUES
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) June 2, 2015
I think about the difference between Chet Haze and Colin Hanks on a DAILY BASIS
— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) June 2, 2015
“So..uh, are you excited about Governor’s Ball?” – how to talk to any Millennial in an elevator
— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) June 2, 2015
Me Vs. The World: My Journey Wearing An All-White Outfit To Work
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) June 2, 2015
Rainy days make me want to stay in bed
As do sunny days…
I never actually want to leave my bed….
— Rescue Ninja (@equinelover137) June 2, 2015
Sometimes I wonder if high school acquaintances might be fascinated by my Facebook as I am with theirs and then I remember that I am boring.
— Elise Foley (@elisefoley) June 2, 2015
“She rides with me, the new Bobby & Whitney / Only time we don’t speak is during Sex and the City” do we really think Bey was a SATC fan tho
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) June 3, 2015
Wish I had the same carefree lack of self-awareness exhibited by grown adults who publicly link to their Amazon wishlists.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) June 3, 2015
If you’ve never emotionally connected with an eggplant parm sandwich at 9:30 in the morning, I highly recommend it.
— outer kase (@worstkase) June 4, 2015
More ladies should leave internet comments on men’s accomplishments like “he sucks as an astronaut but i’d sit on his face”
— dr. dalia ☥ (@DALIAMALEK) May 30, 2015
if you are wearing a tshirt that says “whatever” wouldnt it be a stronger statement to wear a trash bag
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 3, 2015
Bruce Jenner going by Caitlyn instead of Kaitlyn is the biggest “screw you” to the Kardashians I can think of. I love it.
— Alexis Kleinman (@alexiskleinman) June 1, 2015
Buying a salad is all fun and games until you have to eat it.
— Joanna Borns (@robotics) June 5, 2015
my dog peed on the front door of his obedience school so it’s looking good
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) June 3, 2015
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