Tag Archives: gay

Woman worried her flamboyant bi boyfriend is really gay

Woman worried her flamboyant bi boyfriend is really gay

A woman terrified that her self-labeled bisexual boyfriend might actually turn out to be gay has sought advice from a therapist writing in The Atlantic. In short, the therapist’s advice had a high dose of tough love.

“I’m worried because (a) he’s never been with a man before and being with me means he won’t get that experience (assuming he doesn’t cheat) and (b) he comes from an extremely religious family in the South who would likely not be able to accept his homosexuality (or even bisexuality),” the woman writes. “I once asked him when we first started dating if he was with me to appease his family, whom he’s very close with, and he said “Kind of” but that he still found me attractive.”

The woman goes on to express her fears that her boyfriend is really gay and eventually will leave her, or that he is transgender and will want to transition later in life. “He sometimes acts effeminate and dresses extremely flamboyantly,” she writes. “I have no problem with people who identify in these ways, but I personally don’t have an interest in being romantically involved with someone who does. I have a very strong sneaking suspicion that he’s biding his time until his parents die or until he decides that he’s going to come out to them as gay.”

Related: Legendary record exec Clive Davis opens up about learning to embrace his bisexuality

The therapist of The Atlantic empathized with the woman, but pointed out something more glaring. “What strikes me most about your letter, though, is the amount of emotional energy you’re putting into guessing your boyfriend’s state of mind,” the therapist writes. “The more you ruminate about his potential turmoil, the more turmoil you create for yourself. And even as you worry about whether he might be keeping his thoughts from you, you’re also keeping your thoughts from him.”

The problem for the couple then is not the man’s sexuality, but rather a failure to communicate. The therapist encourages open dialogue about gender, family, sex and what the couple wants from their future. “Now’s the time to have these discussions, and you can start by making sure that you broach the topic as a conversation and not as an accusation…You’ll also want to be mindful not to pressure him to take a stance, especially because he may not know how he feels, or he may not be ready to say. The point of these initial conversations will likely be less about getting answers and more about hearing each other.”

Ultimately, the therapist cautions the woman not to jump to conclusions. Homosexuality, bisexuality and transgenderism are not the same thing, and one does not lead to the other. Therefore, the problem isn’t the man’s sexuality but the woman’s insecurity, and the failure of the couple to have real conversations about love and sex. In that way, the lessons apply to all couples: talk about your fears, your problems and your hopes for the future. Sexuality isn’t the issue: communication is!

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Ex-mayor hopes to clear his name after former staffer walks back sexual misconduct allegations

Ex-mayor hopes to clear his name after former staffer walks back sexual misconduct allegations

Former Portland mayor Sam Adams says he’s on a mission to clear his good name after an ex-staffer dragged him through the mud two years ago by making shocking sexual misconduct allegations that he has since walked back.

In 2008, Adams became the first openly gay person ever elected to be his city’s mayor. He served from January 2009 through December 2012 before announcing he would not seek reelection, despite being a widely popular mayor.

Then, in November 2017, Adams’ openly gay former assistant, Cevero Gonzalez, dropped a six-page bombshell account detailing alleged mistreatment he suffered at the hands of Adams while working as his executive assistant during his time in office.

Gonzalez alleged that Adams made obscene gestures, exposed his genitalia, spoke in graphic detail about his sexual exploits, and demanded Gonzalez share accounts of his own bedroom conquests, among other shocking accusations.

One of the most damning allegations involved a time when Gonzalez picked up Adams from the airport and claimed the then-mayor “lightly grabbed at his crotch” and said “Don’t be so uptight.”

It turns out, that never happened.

Gonzalez walked back the story after the Willamette Week reported last month that “in fact, emails Adams found show it was Adams’ economic development aide, Clay Neal, not Gonzalez, who picked Adams up after his China trip, something Neal has confirmed.”

But it doesn’t stop there.

Gonzalez also walked back claims that Adams exposed himself on numerous occasions at work and that he propositioned him for sex, saying instead that nothing Adams did was ever “sexual” and that he  “never propositioned him—it was just inappropriate and uncomfortable.”

Now, Adams tells local news station KGW that the Willamette Week article proves he was innocent all along, and that Gonzalez’s allegations against him were totally 100% not true.

“The Willamette Week article about a couple of weeks ago did a good job of bringing to light some of the facts that show that these allegations are false,” Adams says. “There’s more evidence to come and we’ll get that out as it becomes available.”

56-year-old Adams, who recently moved back to Portland after a stint in Washington, D.C., says he now plans to work on repairing his reputation in the city he loves.

“The allegation that was core to those claims, the accuser had to backtrack,” he says. “So, that’s just part of the evidence. There’ll be more evidence coming up. And it’s an opportunity, coming back to Portland, to present my side of the story.”

Asked whether he may run for office again, he said he hasn’t “even thought about it” and is instead focused on being a good citizen and neighbor.

“We can’t be complacent, and we’ve got to, all of us, pitch in wherever we can,” he says. “Whether that’s being in the highest elected office in the city or scrubbing graffiti in your neighborhood.”

Related: Ex-mayor outed for making staffer scout bathhouses, exposing himself at the office, and more

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