Was This Guy Date Raped Or Not? He Isn’t Sure.
“I’ve never been in a situation where I thought I could be raped,” H. Alan Scott (pictured) writes in a blog post published on the Huffington Post. “I’m a big guy, strong, how could I be raped? Until the moment when my legs were in the air, totally vulnerable, looking into the eyes of a man insistent on fucking me, did I ponder, Am I in danger?”
Scott details how he first met the guy online a year earlier. They exchanged a few “sexy texts,” but it wasn’t until they were matched on Tinder that they finally agreed to meet in person.
“I had intended on staying in, but got that Friday night itch to go out,” he writes. “We had been texting, so I mentioned dinner. Two hours later, we met at a restaurant near my apartment.”
“During the dinner I told myself, Don’t invite him over. I didn’t feel that sexual spark. He was attractive, but not exactly doing it for me,” he continues. “Still, I studied him, thinking about if I could actually have sex with him. As we walked post-dinner, my brain was saying, ‘Don’t do it,’ while my mouth said, ‘Wanna come over?’”
So they went back to his apartment. One thing led to another and pretty soon they were naked in bed together. All the while, Scott kept wondering, “Why did I invite him over? I wasn’t lonely. I honestly just wanted dinner.”
“Ten minutes into casual foreplay,” he writes. “I noticed his obvious intention to penetrate. I said, ‘Not tonight.’ I could tell he was disappointed, so I continued, ‘I don’t usually start with that. It takes me a while to bottom, to get comfortable.’ This is where I should have said, I guess we’re not a match, it was lovely knowing you. Unfortunately, I didn’t.”
The man, Scott says, became “more dominant.”
“[N]ot exactly physical,” he says, “but contorting me into positions that were difficult for me to get out of. I’d say again, ‘Not tonight, it’s not going to happen’ … But he’d push harder, no lubrication, as I’d attempt to wiggle my way out of his hold.”
Scott began to wonder if he was in danger.
“My legs were in the air, he had my arms gripped down, I was locked in,” he writes. “I felt trapped and a little scared … I knew I didn’t like it, I wanted it to stop, but I didn’t want to be mean. Then, as he pushed harder, I felt that rush of pain, and panicked.”
Then all of a sudden, the guy yelped out in pain.
“My cat, Frasier, had bit his foot,” Scott writes.
He had been saved by a feline.
The man let go, then cracked a joke about how Scott wasn’t hard anymore.
“Sorry,” he replied, “rape is basically a boner-kill for me.”
Sadly, this sort of thing is not uncommon in the gay community. Earlier this year, a 34-year-old Canadian man in Philadelphia for an education conference was sexually assaulted at gunpoint by a man he met on Grindr. And that’s just one of many incidents in which online hookups have gone too far.
“Sexual violence against men isn’t unheard of, just not talked about,” Scott writes. “In a National Crime Victimization Survey, of 40,000 households questioned about rape and sexual violence, 38 percent of the incidents were against men.”
“Gay or straight,” he continues, “sexual violence against men does happen. As I came to learn, it’s the grey area of is this assault or just harmless aggressive behavior? is where the confusion begins.”
Related stories:
Six Tips For Online Cruising That Could Mean The Difference Between Life And Death
How Can We Keep Ourselves Safer When Hooking Up Online?
Dangerous Liaisons: Five Gay Online Hookups That Ended In Crime
Graham Gremore
feedproxy.google.com/~r/queerty2/~3/TpBuyUN8NKw/was-this-guy-date-raped-or-not-he-isnt-sure-20141023
They certainly aren’t the sexiest things to discuss as you’re about to get up close and personal with someone new, but condoms should find a way into your precoital banter somehow or another.
