Someone Has Been Perverting Old YA Novels By Giving Them Very Gay New Titles

Someone on the internet has been taking the covers of old YA paperbacks from the ’80s and ’90s and perverting them with weird, gay, and, at times, rather inappropriate new titles.

Related: PHOTOS: Sexy Men Reading Make Us Want To Bury Our Faces In Their Books

Tattoo Minion Eyes On The Head Of My Penis, Please, I Only Fucked Him A Little, and Rescue Us From Coachella, Gay Angel are just a few of the books “for sale” on Paperback Paradise’s official Instagram page, the world’s fictional “#1 used bookstore” located on the “edge of eternity.”

Related: Banned Book Week: 10 Books That Are Too Gay To Read!

Seriously, whoever’s behind this is a genius.

Scroll down to see your favorite YA paperbacks reinvented…

$6 #usedbooks

A photo posted by @paperbackparadise on Apr 24, 2016 at 5:35pm PDT

$5 #booksforsale

A photo posted by @paperbackparadise on Apr 20, 2016 at 9:48am PDT

$6 #booksforboys

A photo posted by @paperbackparadise on Apr 15, 2016 at 12:35pm PDT

$6 #boooks

A photo posted by @paperbackparadise on Apr 13, 2016 at 12:37pm PDT

$5 #books

A photo posted by @paperbackparadise on Apr 19, 2016 at 11:39am PDT

$1 #booksforsale

A photo posted by @paperbackparadise on Apr 6, 2016 at 1:57pm PDT

$7 #usedbooks

A photo posted by @paperbackparadise on Mar 31, 2016 at 10:38am PDT

$2 #books

A photo posted by @paperbackparadise on Mar 28, 2016 at 12:21pm PDT

$6 #books

A photo posted by @paperbackparadise on Mar 25, 2016 at 8:09am PDT

$2 #books

A photo posted by @paperbackparadise on May 4, 2016 at 10:21am PDT

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Letter To Grace & Frankie From Hillary Rodham Clinton

Via email

Dear Grace & Frankie,

I just wanted to reach out and tell you how much I enjoyed your Netflix series Grace & Frankie.

As you know, I’m running hard to be your next president, and that means a lot of time on the road. Nothing takes the edge off a long day on the campaign trail like a bottle of Zin and a binge watch, and I just finished your Season 1 tonight, or should I say this morning. It’s nearly 3am!

And let me tell you, you both look great.

Grace: You are not 70! Who knew a diet of Martinis and Ativan could work such wonders. As a presidential candidate and a Methodist, I can’t formally endorse your level of abuse, but if I was a functioning alcoholic and drug addict, I’d want to be just like you.

And Frankie: You’re a septuagenarian after my own heart, with your yoga sounds and smudge sticks. They take me back to lazy afternoons with the Co-op girls at Wellesley, where quite a few women were after my own heart. I’ve never felt as centered since, though the Kegals help. Hat tip, Huma.

These coping strategies are just the kind of solutions I’m looking for to keep America great. Our nation faces enormous challenges in the 21st century, but, ladies, nothing like you’ve been through when your husbands left you, for each other!

Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Can you imagine?! Well of course you can, you went through it. Not in the glare of a thousand suns like I did with Bill, but that doesn’t diminish your pain.

And here’s the thing: No, you didn’t like each other all those years that your husbands were business partners and they were secretly, you know, doing it, but in the face of an existential crisis (a double divorce isn’t exactly ISIS, but still), you rose up together to meet the challenge, because that’s when Americans are at their best.

It’s a winning strategy. Well done!

It’s also the kind of storytelling I’ll need to get through the orange shitstorm they call Donald Trump this fall.

Make no mistake: Small Hands is going to unload on me like John Mayer on Taylor Swift’s face.

How did he get this far? The reality TV star turned the Republican primary into a reality competition, eliminating 16 opponents, just like on my old favorite, Survivor, week after week. And the ratings were huuuuuuge (Hey, Bernie).

So when it’s down to just me and him, I’ll need my own show that’s going to captivate America, and decapitate the Donald! (Ha!)

This year, the candidate with the best show wins.

I could turn to our old Arkansas friends Harry and Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, who did such a great job with Designing Women (I still know Dixie Carter’s “And that is the night that the lights went out in Georgia!” speech by heart). But they haven’t worked in a while and sitcoms are so 90’s, right?

I’m fighting for America’s future, and the future is streaming.

Streaming shows are all about well-rounded characters, not cardboard cut-outs with ridiculous nicknames.

So while Fuckface von Clownstick is racing to the bottom, I’ll be up here (my hand is high in the air), demonstrating strength, a great sense of humor and, yes: stamina! just like Grace & Frankie’s creator did with you.

Which is all a long way of saying: Girls, I need to borrow Marta Kauffman.

She’s written a captivating story, in this wonderful new genre, that you just don’t want to end. Sure, you’re not perfect. Nobody is. But you’re relatable.

I need to be relatable.

Remember when I cried in public and won New Hampshire? I need more of that, plus the strength and stamina part.

Marta has already called me a “powerhouse human being and a very loving person,” which is to say, just because I’m up here (my hand is in the air again) doesn’t mean I can’t kick this guy in the balls so hard that Melania farts.

Marta can work out the details.

Girls, I turn the big 7-0 next year, making me the oldest woman president ever. Plus, I’m running against someone who’s stupid unpredictable and probably downright dangerous. I need all the help I can get.

Can I deal you in?

Also: Did you know you’re Miley Cyrus’ favorite show? Check!

Best,

H

P.S. Just found out your Season 2 premieres Friday on Netflix, can’t wait! (Huma, pls confirm maximum allowable contributions.)

 

[If you are not already aware, or if you’re without a sense of humor, the preceding letter is satire.]

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Barry Diller, Krispy Kreme, Charlie Puth, First Class, Adam Lambert, Donald Trump, Friday Flesh: NEWS

PRESUMPTIVE GOP NOMINEE. Barry Diller says Donald Trump is evil: “Because anybody who attacks people in the manner that he attacks people — anybody who would do that, anybody who — if I have a disagreement with you or I think you don’t like me, I don’t have the right to find out the vulnerability that I think could make you miserable and that is just completely unfair. I don’t have that right. He has that as a natural state. I call that evil. That is evil.”

RNC CHAIR REINCE PRIEBUS. A third-party bid for president would hand election to Hillary: “‘The amount of time, energy, money, and also its a guarantee to elect Hillary Clinton. When people start to take a breath and let some of this calm down, people will understand not to let differences in choices’ jeopardize the party, Priebus said at a Politico breakfast event.”

KATRINA PIERSON. Trump surrogate says Paul Ryan isn’t fit to be House Speaker if he doesn’t support Trump:

MEANWHILE IN ALASKA. Sarah Palin spits out some word salad about Donald Trump.

 

ICELAND. Transgender man gives birth to baby girl: “I was well into the consultation and was living as a man but was about one or two months away from starting the hormone treatment when I found out I was pregnant. It would probably have been less likely for me to fall pregnant after that, but not impossible, so everybody’s saying I was meant to have her!”

MICHIGAN. Man who fled gay bashing in Mexico seeks relief from deportation: “About two weeks ago, Ramirez-Arano paid the $12,000 bond he needed to be released from the immigration detention center where he’d been held since February. WICIR helped raise that money. ‘It means a lot because there’s a lot of people that have no support at all,’ he said, with Adonis Flores translating. ‘It really was a miracle. Without any direct family here in the country, how was I going to be able to pay for that bond?’ He’s now back at his home in Ann Arbor, where he’s lived for nearly 12 years since illegally crossing the border from Mexico.”

NYC. Body found on Brooklyn beach had feet submerged in concrete block: “‘Cement shoes’ as they are known, have long been associated with organised crime and the Mafia, but mostly in fictional depictions. Several crime writers have said they believe this to be the first time they have actually been used in a murder.The victim, identified as Peter Martinez, 28, was a known gang member.”

SUMMER BODY ALERT. Krispy Kreme is about to release a Nutella-filled donut. They released an “accidental” memo about it.

Krispy Kreme ‘accidentally’ sent an internal memo to all their loyal customers revealing a Nutella Doughnut 😄🍩 pic.twitter.com/k4rBvc937h

— Superfly Marketing (@hiwearesuperfly) May 5, 2016

ILLINOIS. Northern Illinois University will revoke Dennis Hastert’s honorary degree: “Mr. Hastert’s recent felony conviction for fraudulent banking transactions, as well as the testimony about his participation in sexual abuse of children offered during sentencing proceedings, constitute incontrovertible evidence that he has acted in ways that do not reflect the values of the institution.”

CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS. Charlie Puth is thirsty:

 

LOS ANGELES. City should be more prepared than ever for major quake, experts say: “Southern California’s section of the San Andreas fault is “locked, loaded and ready to roll,” a leading earthquake scientist said Wednesday at the National Earthquake Conference in Long Beach. The San Andreas fault is one of California’s most dangerous, and is the state’s longest fault. Yet for Southern California, the last big earthquake to strike the southern San Andreas was in 1857, when a magnitude 7.9 earthquake ruptured an astonishing 185 miles between Monterey County and the San Gabriel Mountains near Los Angeles.”

SPOKESFACES. Adam Lambert is the new face of Macy’s American Icon campaign:

AIR RAGE. First-class cabins piss off people in coach, says obvious study: “Researchers report that the simple presence of a first-class cabin on an airplane is correlated with an almost fourfold increase in the frequency of “air rage” incidents in economy class.  And when economy-class passengers are forced to pass through the luxurious first-class area on their way to the cramped economy seats, the rate of air rage incidents is more than seven times higher than if there are no first-class seats at all.”

FRIDAY FLESH. Jacob Sumana.

 

The post Barry Diller, Krispy Kreme, Charlie Puth, First Class, Adam Lambert, Donald Trump, Friday Flesh: NEWS appeared first on Towleroad.

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Language on the 2016 Campaign Trail: When Candidates Say ‘I Misspoke’, It Might Just Be Lying

Presumptive Republican nominee for President, as crazy as that sounds, Donald Trump, says he “misspoke” when he said women should be punished if they got illegal abortions.

Hillary Clinton said she “misspoke” when she credited President and Mrs. Reagan for “starting a conversation” on HIV/AIDS. She apologized. She also wrote a detailed op-ed that gets the history correct, honoring those men and women who pushed a reluctant establishment to finally take gay lives seriously.

Ted Cruz says he “misspoke” when he claimed that he pushed Senator John McCain to allow servicemembers to carry concealed weapons on military bases.

And that’s just this election cycle. Mitt Romney said he “misspoke” when he said he didn’t care about the poor. Back in 2008, President Obama said that he was excited to meet the “President of Canada.” His Press Secretary said he “misspoke.” As Justin Trudeau reminds us, Canada has a prime minister, and he has amazing core strength.

What does it mean to “misspeak”? And did Trump, Clinton, Cruz, Romney, and President Obama all commit the same sin?

To “misspeak” is to “express improperly or imperfectly, to speak otherwise than according to one’s intention,” per the multi-volume Century Dictionary of 1890. Lying would be intentionally and willfully misleading, or knowing one thing to be the case while stating something different.

It’s hard to imagine that Donald Trump lied about thinking women should be punished for getting illegal abortions. He could have been too honest! That makes him like Romney. Romney didn’t lie when he said he didn’t care about the poor. Rather, he was probably honest: his policies were not geared toward helping the lowest quintile of earners. Nor did Secretary Clinton likely lie when she credited Ronald and Nancy Reagan for helping defeat HIV. It’s unlikely that she knew the extent of the Reagans’ indifference and just said the opposite to win over Republican votes. President Obama didn’t lie when he referred to Canada’s “president.” These are accidental errors, verbal typos. They are misstatements made my someone misspeaking.

Ted Cruz and Bill Clinton are different. They lied. Ted Cruz knew he didn’t tell John McCain anything, as McCain himself noted. Bill Clinton knew he had a relationship with young intern. We cannot allow politicians who “lie” to pass it off as “misspeaking.”

Using the word “misspeak” every time something falls out of a politician’s mouth that isn’t entirely accurate is troublesome.

Lies are not misstatements. Neither are misleading statements. During President Obama’s first run for the presidency, in 2008, various anchors, commentators, and visitors to Fox News “accidentally” said “Osama” when referring the then-Senator Obama. Later, a Fox affiliate also “accidentally” said that “Obama bin Laden Dead” when President Obama killed Osama bin Laden. The latter was clearly a flub, a mistake, a truly unintentional slip of the tongue. But was the former? Given how many times Fox News referred to then-Senator Obama as “Barack Hussein Obama” and its virulent hatred for anything associated with the President, it is hard to discount the possibility that there was something more going on.

And it gets even fuzzier. It is now common for Republicans to use the noun “Democrat” as an adjective. In one day, Fox News said “the Democrat Party” or “the Democrat official” or something similar almost four times per hour. MSNBC says “Democratic policies” or “Democratic official.” Are conservatives “misspeak”ing? No. They are intentionally leaving off the “ic” at the end of “Democrat” to leave us with the taste of the word “rat” whenever we hear “Democrat.”

These turns of phrase are part of a larger pattern of permissive, euphemistic language. George Carlin famously criticized the modern military’s use of “post traumatic stress disorder” as opposed to “shell shock” (the World War I version), noting: “Had we still been calling it ‘shell shock,’ some of those Vietnam veterans would’ve gotten the attention they needed at the time.”

Our politicians are at times too cavalier with the language they use. They are also too frequently manipulators of language for their own benefit. And the media is complicit in their behavior when they refer to lies and intentionally misleading statements as “misspeaking.” We cannot let them.

The post Language on the 2016 Campaign Trail: When Candidates Say ‘I Misspoke’, It Might Just Be Lying appeared first on Towleroad.

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Teen Wolf’s Max and Charlie Carver to Co-Star in New MTV Drama ‘Blooms’

Twin brothers Max and Charlie Carver will be coming to your television together in the new MTV drama Blooms, which they’re co-executive producing with Drew Barrymore, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

Writes THR:

The project, included on MTV’s upfront slate, is a crime drama/coming-of-age story of twentysomething twin brothers, Andrew and Elliott Bloom, who learn of one another’s existence upon the murder of their father. In turn, they inherit a hand-crafted secret criminal empire he’s left them — with many strings attached. The immorality, corruption and debauchery of their father’s world is deep, and every time they think they’ve reached the bottom it gets worse. The young men are inexperienced but not innocent, vastly different but in many ways exactly the same, with each missing something in his life that only the other can supply. The Carver brothers will play Andrew and Elliott.

RELATED: ‘Teen Wolf’ Actor Charlie Carver Comes Out as Gay

The Carvers were first seen, of course, as children on Desperate Housewives, and then on Teen Wolf and The Leftovers.

(photo instagram)

The post Teen Wolf’s Max and Charlie Carver to Co-Star in New MTV Drama ‘Blooms’ appeared first on Towleroad.

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Patricia Velasquez: "Mamá, it's true. I am gay."

In this excerpt from lesbian supermodel Patricia Velasquez’s memoir, she details her dramatic coming out to her Venezuelan mother.

www.advocate.com/books/2016/5/06/patricia-velasquez-mama-its-true-i-am-gay

Don’t Expect To Meet Khia At RuPaul’s DragCon After All This Drama

If you’re going to RuPaul’s DragCon this weekend, don’t expect to meet American rapper Khia.

Khia, best known for her 2002 hit “My Neck, My Back,” revealed on Tuesday that she wouldn’t be attending the Los Angeles convention this weekend because of a comment she made in which she reportedly called drag queens “punks & sissies & women with d*cks.”

In the Instagram post, Khia shared to the news stating that she felt like she was “in the principle office,” before shooting back that she felt like the “sissy and [punks]” associated with the convention “are scared for their lives.”

Tyra Sanchez, the winner of RuPaul‘s Drag Race season 2, chimed in on the controversy the day before Khia’s announcement:

And, of course, the drama continued as Khia slammed back at Tyra in a (hardly understandable) video rant posted to Instagram on Wednesday:

#NewVideo: ‘Yum Yum Sauce’ female rapper/singer star #Khia (@KhiaThugmisses) talks some Drag Queens, (@TyraSanchez) one of them, threatening her before she was supposed to appear at this year’s #RupaulsDragCon; says she will go to jail and they would be in the hospital on her hot new radio show ‘LiveandOutLoud’ ___________________ #thebreakfastclub #jacquees #brysontiller #jheneaiko #birdman #mariahcarey #kellyrowland #brandy #jazminesullivan #janetjackson #kyliejenner #bet #lilkim #azealiabanks #realhousewivesofatlanta #loveandhiphopatlanta #lbgt #kardashian #tommie #joselinehernandez #neneleakes #theshaderoom #blacchyna #birdman #theshaderoom #rupaul #loveandhiphopatl #rupaul

A video posted by daleafonte’ (@thuggaman21) on May 3, 2016 at 7:38pm PDT

Khia, girl… if there’s one thing you don’t do it’s mess with RuPaul. Seriously though, just ask Carmen Carerra.

What do you think of Khia’s Instagram post? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Related: Watch: Laverne Cox Addresses the RuPaul “Tranny” Controversy

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NC House Speaker: ‘We’re Not Going to Get Bullied’ by Obama to Take Action on HB 2 – WATCH

North Carolina House Speaker Tim Moore told reporters on Thursday afternoon that they “will take no action by Monday” to comply with an order from the U.S. Justice Department that they stop enforcing anti-LGBT HB 2, which the DOJ said violates Title IX of the civil rights act by discriminating against transgender individuals.

RELATED: NC Gov. Pat McCrory Seems Angry and Prepared to Defy Justice Department on HB 2 Order: WATCH

Moore appeared defiant in his discussion with the press:

“That deadline will come and go. Obviously, we don’t ever want to lose any money, but we’re not going to get bullied by the Obama administration to take action prior to Monday’s date. That’s not how this works.”

Watch:

Governor Pat McCrory released a statement on Wednesday:

“A claim by the Obama administration charges that one part of House Bill 2, which requires state employees in public government buildings and students in our universities to use a restroom, locker room and shower facility that match their biological sex, is now in violation of federal law. The Obama administration has not only staked out its position for North Carolina, but for all states, universities and most employers in the U.S.

“The right and expectation of privacy in one of the most private areas of our personal lives is now in jeopardy. We will be reviewing to determine the next steps.”

In an interview with the North Carolina Chamber of Commerce, McCrory called the order an “overreach” by the Obama administration.

When asked if it will end up in the courts, McCrory says “I don’t know.”

Said McCrory: “I don’t think it’s the federal government’s decision but based upon the justice ruling today, apparently now it is the federal government’s decision to determine your restroom, locker room, and shower policies…”

McCrory also continued to submit the fantastical allegation that HB 2 was started by “the Left” and is a coordinated plot by the Human Rights Campaign and Democrats to vote him out of office. He also suggested that the Title IX rules were a sneak attack on him and were snuck into contracts that he had already signed.

The post NC House Speaker: ‘We’re Not Going to Get Bullied’ by Obama to Take Action on HB 2 – WATCH appeared first on Towleroad.

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Justin Timberlake Just Released His ‘Song of the Summer’ Nominee ‘Can’t Stop the Feeling’ – WATCH

Justin Timberlake is back with his first new single in three years and it’s aimed at your summer dance floor.

The track “Can’t Stop the Feeling”, will make a landing on the soundtrack to the upcoming movie Trolls, and the video features members of the Trolls cast — including Gwen Stefani, Anna Kendrick, Kunal Nayyar, Ron Funches and James Corden — bopping to the beat.

Watch:

The post Justin Timberlake Just Released His ‘Song of the Summer’ Nominee ‘Can’t Stop the Feeling’ – WATCH appeared first on Towleroad.

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