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better light
josephmf posted a photo:
he turned to place himself in better light that he had found in a nearby corner. the bike messenger. he would leave in the morning with the schoolbuses and wave at the crossguard and be seen again first by the children who played on the sidewalk on his way home. they called him by his first name and he tried but would constantly failed at learning their names hed make daunting trips on his bicycle to the grocery returning with a towering haul in his backpack. he was constantly working on those bikes. he rode in the rain and in the heat and on the good days too. always trying to help a neighbor out, awkward as he was. the other day he broke the hub on one of the kids bikes and bought him a new one the next day. returning with it early in the morning slung on his shoulder, riding his own. hed come home in the evenings and get high and listen to loud music till 10pm, when he’d turn it down just slightly. always friendly, a bit awkard, always laughing at the miss-timed jokes he made. some days hed work in the garden. he loved his grass and plants.
he had people that loved him. and he loved them in return. he had a home in a neighborhood he loved. he had a job he loved. he was loved by most everyone.
turning back to the dimmer corner he was always worrying the music was too loud. and he resented every one of the those awkward exchanges. he feared that there was something wrong with him which he could not understand when people seemed unwilling to be friends. he seemed to always have less friends than others. he feared he would always struggle through bipolar days and grew anxious over the fear of what they might keep him from doing. he struggled to not let these things keep him down. he resented the things which made him unique although he fought hard to find pride in them, to see them as beautiful. he hid them from his family and had not told most old friends or the neighbors. he hoped there would be a time to tell them.
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