How do I apologize to other gay men for being homophobic when younger?

A man has prompted a big response online for acknowledging he acted in a homophobic manner when younger. He now wonders if there’s any way he can suitably make amends.

The Reddit user posted on the weekend in the gaybros sub-Reddit: “When I was young I used to hate gay guys and make fun of them because I was afraid to admit to myself that I’m gay.”

He says he even joined protests against Pride parades. He’s now had a change of heart.

“I was influenced by bad company and nationalists. Now I live in western Europe I’m jealous of gay couples. I would love to apologize to them.

“I’m in my 20s, but only thing that I do is going to gym, going to university and playing football with my colleagues. Sometimes I don’t deserve to be happy I think. I’m afraid to date guys. I’m so discreet sometimes even though I live in open-minded city. I seem happy and quite social to other people but I’m stuck inside my head.”

Fellow Reddit users responded with a variety of answers. Most suggested he should not beat himself up about his actions when younger.

“Apologize by living your best life as a gay man,” suggested one. “That’s about as much as we can ask and expect of you. We all have our own paths towards acceptance, and people can’t begrudge you for being raised in an environment that wasn’t tolerant about LGBT.

“You can’t change your past, but you are responsible for your present and future. So live free from all that baggage that you have been carrying. Everyone deserves to be happy, and you owe it to yourself to give you a chance for it. That is what gay pride is about.”

Related: Closeted gay teen finds homophobic dad on Grindr

Other reassured him that he wasn’t the first queer person to express homophobia when younger.

“Don’t be hard on yourself,” said another. “I live in the US. In high school, I used to be a bit homophobic, had a girlfriend and was super closeted. People change. Take your time. Maybe try to join a gay sports league or go to meetups.”

Related: Ex-Bully Comes Out As Gay, Apologizes For Homophobic Torment

Another user said it’s unavoidable that we will hurt other people at some point in our lives. If we can’t apologize in person, the next best way to make amends is through actions.

“If you hurt others, volunteer at a LGBTQ+ suicide hotline,” suggested one of those to comment beneath the original post. “If you hurt others, donate to programs that develop anti-bullying and inclusion-based curricula for schools. If you hurt others, volunteer for mentoring programs and give time back to kids who don’t have the option of hiding behind a mask of CIS rage.

“You did what you did. It was not good. But you probably did your best with the tools you had. And now you have more tools with which to cope. The world needs your action more than your sorrow. Who knows? By volunteering your time to help LGBTQ+ causes, you might make gay friends. And you might feel a little more like you can be who you are.”

In a similar vein, another Redditor said, “I had some stuff in my past I carried guilt from. Finally, I set a goal, not an easy one, and forgave myself. My goal was good deeds to balance the wrong I had done.

“I met my goal and kept on doing good, because, I’d found a better place for myself…I became the guy who is kind to everyone. Great place to be.”

Others reinforced the notion that living his best gay life was the way forward.

“Discreet is a code word for “I’m ashamed”,” cautioned one. “You know yourself that being happy involves being open and doing what you actually want. We’re all, to some extent, the product of our environments and you’ve recognized that so the next step is living that.

“As a community, we do NOT need any more crestfallen gays throwing perpetual pity parties, we’re all full up on those. We need more people living their true selves without shame, so if you’re feeling guilty over whatever know that is all it takes to undo the harm, I doubt honestly anyone remembers anything you said or did, but I can remember nearly every out gay person I met or saw when I was growing up. All for the low low price of living happily as yourself.”

Related: Man’s homophobic childhood bully hits on him on Scruff

Ultimately, many people reminded the user not to dwell on the past too much.

“All of us make bad mistakes in life,” offered another commentor. “What happens next is what defines us. Don’t let yourself be defined by your past and don’t ruin your future in a futile attempt to atone for something that you can’t put right. Be sorry for what you did and be the best yourself you can be.”

Did you ever behave in a homophobic manner when younger? Do you have any advice to add?

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The 5-Part Documentary Series ‘Visible: Out on Television’ Chronicles How LGBTQ People Were Finally Seen on TV: TRAILER

AppleTV+ is premiering the five-part documentary series Visible: Out on Television on February 14, and a new trailer for the special event, exec. produced by Wilson Cruz, Wanda Sykes, and Ryan White was released over the weekend.

Deadline reports: “White said he was inspired by the 1995 feature film The Celluloid Closet, but added that the focus on TV allows the project a unique view, and with five episodes ‘allowed us the real estate to tell that story in full.’”

The post The 5-Part Documentary Series ‘Visible: Out on Television’ Chronicles How LGBTQ People Were Finally Seen on TV: TRAILER appeared first on Towleroad Gay News.

The 5-Part Documentary Series ‘Visible: Out on Television’ Chronicles How LGBTQ People Were Finally Seen on TV: TRAILER

HRC Honors Life and Legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. With Day of Service

Today, HRC announced that hundreds of HRC volunteers will take part in nearly 30 community service events across the nation in a day of service and action honoring the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

“More than half a century ago, our nation was moved by a preacher who stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and shared his dream of a day when his children would be judged not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character,” said HRC President Alphonso David. “Since the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. spoke those words in 1963, we as a nation have made great progress in our journey toward full equality, but we know that we have much further to go.”

“Today, as Americans across the country come together in a day of service to celebrate the life and legacy of Dr. King, we must all recommit ourselves to making his dream of justice and equality a reality for all,” David said. “At the Human Rights Campaign, we are fighting for a future where every LGBTQ person is able to live up to their full potential without fear of discrimination. It was Dr. King who said that ‘human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability.’As our community faces some of our toughest battles yet, let us keep Martin Luther King’s vision at the center of all that we do as we continue our efforts to make his dream a reality for all.”

Joining national movement partners such as the NAACP, the National Black Justice Coalition, the NAACP Legal Defense Fund and organizations across the country, HRC is proud to celebrate this day of service that honors the powerful legacy and transformative vision of Dr. King. 

With the support and involvement of HRC members and supporters, volunteers nationwide will be giving back to their communities through a range of service projects and amplifying the work that local organizations and leaders are undertaking for the most marginalized groups of the LGBTQ community. Efforts include organizing clothing and toiletries donation drives; assembling and distributing care packages of travel-size hygiene items, school supplies and winter accessories; and participating in beautification and small renovation projects.

HRC will partner with over 30 service providers and local organizations across 27 cities and regions in living out the values of justice and equality that Dr. King so tirelessly championed. 

As we honor his legacy of service, HRC is also working to carry forward Dr. King’s vital work for justice and access at the ballot box. Ahead of the critically important upcoming 2020 election, HRC and Stacey Abrams’ Fair Fight are partnering to help combat voter suppression. This partnership is bringing together the organizations’ expertise in voter protection and voter mobilization to ensure fair and open elections in 2020 and beyond.

For more information about service projects around the country, visit hrc.org/MLKDayOfService.

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For the King: Movies to inspire passion & protest for justice this Martin Luther King Day

With the advent of another election year, the racial, gender and sexual injustice of the Trump administration still rampant, and the overture of Trump’s impeachment trial all at hand, life can get more than a little overwhelming. Thank goodness, then, for the movies, which can help distract us from the news…or help us channel our anger into something productive.

Martin Luther King, Jr. inspired us to do the same. The movies listed here commemorate the struggle for equality in America by reminding viewers of the sweetness of each progressive step toward the American promise, and just how far our nation still has to go to fulfill Dr. King’s dream of true equality. While you may sit on the couch watching these, they will no doubt inspire you to head out into the world to make the world a better place.

So, get ready to email your representatives. Get ready to shed a few tears. And most of all, get ready to take to the streets. All these films call us to action to fight for our future.

Selma

David Oyelowo plays the good Dr. King in this film, the breakout from director Ava DuVernay. The film dramatizes the lead up to the historic march on Selma, led by King, and also explores the lives of those that made the journey to attend. For all its stirring crowd scenes, though, the best moments in the movie come in quiet, domestic scenes between Dr. King and Coretta Scott King (very well played by Carmen Ejogo) that explores the tenderness—and tensions—of their marriage.

Iron Jawed Angels

Oscar-winners Hillary Swank and Anjelica Huston star in this HBO film about feminists Alice Paul and Lucy Burns who helped galvanize the women’s suffrage movement and earn women the right to vote. Paul and Burns don’t get as much press as other suffragettes like Susan B. Anthony. This movie finally records their harrowing struggle for posterity.

When We Rise

This ABC miniseries which traces the queer rights movement in San Francisco from the time of Harvey Milk up to the days of marriage equality got something of a raw deal when it debuted in 2017 for some weird casting choices, and for focusing too monomaniacally on one city. That’s a shame: Though flawed, When We Rise does at least hit the high (and low) points in the history of equality. At its best, it captures the harrowing emotions in times of despair…and triumph.

Separate But Equal

Two screen legends anchor this film about the Brown v. Board of Education Supreme Court case: Sidney Poitier and Burt Lancaster. Lancaster plays lawyer John Davis, while Poitier captures all the fire of Thurgood Marshall, the lawyer who fought to end school segregation and eventually ended up on the Supreme Court himself. Full of electrifying speechifying and courtroom drama, the movie also helps explain the legal maneuvering that goes into prosecuting a major case.

Related: Oscar-Nominated AIDS Doc “How To Survive A Plague” To Become ABC Mini-Series

The Rosa Parks Story

The ever-wonderful Angela Bassett nabs the title role in this 2002 telefilm about the civil rights icon. Few actresses posses Bassett’s luminous charisma, and her performance captures the steely resolve of the real woman. Fun fact: Martin Luther King Jr.’s real son, Dexter Scott King, takes on the role of his dad.

Malcolm X

Speaking of Angela Bassett, the actress also gives one of her best performances in this drama, a biopic of the title character. It helps, of course, that the movie matches her with Denzel Washington as Malcolm. Washington gives the performance of his career here, as does director Spike Lee, who crafts his finest film to date. That folks, says something.

Milk

No list of civil rights movies would be complete (in our view, anyway) without including Milk, the terrific drama about the cut-short live of the LGBTQ rights leader. Sean Penn took home an Oscar for his work, as did Dustin Lance Black for his screenplay. Watch with Kleenex on hand; no matter how many times we’ve seen it, we still get weepy.

King

Gay actor Paul Winfield, an Emmy winner and Oscar nominee, took on the role of Martin Luther King in this 1978 miniseries which scored him some of the best notice of his career. Honorary Oscar winner Cecily Tyson matches him well as Coretta. Even if the style and format of the movie feel hopelessly dated in places, the two leads still bring it to life. That, and Winfield’s uncanny resemblance to the real thing gives the movie undying power.

Boycott

Boycott tells the story of Dr. King’s other great public demonstration, the Montgomery Bus Boycott. Jeffery Wright slips into the role with his ample talent, while Carmen Ejogo steps into the role of Coretta (yes, she played it twice). Hardly the best film about King, Boycott nevertheless retells an important chapter of the good doctor’s legacy.

Whose Streets?

The shooting of unarmed Michael Brown in Ferguson, MO , incited riots in the streets and helped launch the worldwide Black Lives Matter movement. Whose Streets? examines the community organizers that helped start the movement, including the LGBTQ activists who helped start a national conversation about police brutality.

How to Survive a Plague

For more gut-wrenching memories of the specter of AIDS and the government inaction that invited an epidemic, look no further than How to Survive a Plague. David France’s epic chronicle of the crisis in New York and the rise of ACT UP leaves viewers stunned and enraged. With indispensable interviews with key activists and witnesses, raw archival footage and a sense of righteous anger, How to Survive a Plague is one of the best docs about the AIDS crisis. Have Kleenex on hand: footage of gay men casting the ashes of their dead friends and lovers on the White House lawn makes us bawl every time.

V for Vendetta

The cinematic adaptation of Alan Moore’s seminal graphic novel caused a stir in 2005, galvanizing anti-Bush forces furious over the Iraq War and curbing of civil liberties. It since has become the defining film of the protest hacker group Anonymous, which continues to target perceived tyranny today. In Moore’s dystopian vision, a totalitarian government has impressed harsh rule on the UK, only to meet with incredible resistance from a masked vigilante known as V. Actor Hugo Weaving makes V into a spellbinding character, though the film belongs to Natalie Portman as Evie, a woman swept up in V’s anarchic protests. Portman gives arguably her best performance as an everywoman moved to fight back against oppression. The movie also has a moving subplot about Evie’s friendship with a gay man (played by the great Stephen Fry) who must live his life in the shadows thanks to anti-gay violence.

Stonewall

No, not the embarrassing, white-washed outing from Roland Emmerich in 2015. This is the real, criminally overlooked narrative film from 1995, the last film from queer British director Nigel Finch before his death from AIDS. Stonewall recreates the days leading up to the famed Stonewall Riots, which kicked off the LGBT rights movement. Finch intercuts the narrative portion with interviews from witnesses to the riots, who recall the atmosphere and events that helped ignite the movement. Though historians quibble with a few of the film’s insinuations (did Judy Garland’s death really play a role in the riots?), Stonewall features a multi-ethnic cast that represents just about every facet of the LGBT subculture. Stonewall has its shortcomings, but as a reminder of the inception of the queer rights movement, it still packs a wallop.

Note: This article contains portions of earlier Queerty posts.

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