Op-Ed: Striking Back Over Allegations of Investigative Negligence
Defending my decision to name Larry Frost one of the unidentified victims of the 1973 UpStairs Lounge fire, the largest mass killing of gay people prior to the Pulse massacre.
www.advocate.com/exclusives/2019/9/15/op-ed-striking-back-over-allegations-investigative-negligence
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Dad rejected him for being gay but son’s HIV diagnosis changed everything
A man has shared details of how his family rejected when he came out as gay. However, being diagnosed as HIV has enabled him to forge a much closer relationship with his Muslim father.
In fact, the two men are even planning on creating a father-son clothing line together.
Shareef Hadid Jenkins originally comes from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. He now lives in New York City. He told his story in video format for I’m From Driftwood. The site is a groundbreaking online platform that showcases LGBTI stories and oral histories.
Shareef says he always knew he was different when he was growing up, and was bullied at school because of it. When he came out to his mum, she responded, “There’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”
Related: Muslim father attempted suicide after his son came out, now they’re closer than ever
At age 13, he was sent by his mom to live with his dad, “to make me become a man.”
“When I came out to my father, he was livid. Actually, he went to a frat brother of his who is a psychologist and took me there and said ‘Cure my son.’ And the psychologist told him that I am gay and that he has to accept it.”
“So his version of acceptance was, Okay, we’re gonna take you to the mosque every night, you’re going to learn how to be a man and you’re gonna learn how to have willpower so that you don’t act on being gay, you don’t think about men, and that’s the way it’s going to be.
“And after a couple months of that, I tried to kill myself. So I took a lot of pills and, thank God, I didn’t die. I just woke up and my father was standing over me and he said, ‘Okay, if you’re going to be gay, I can’t do anything about it. You just can’t be gay in my house.’ So that’s when I was on the street without my parents.”
Shareef was taken in by a home for runaway kids. Around 2-3 years later, his father reached out to him and they began to call each other occasionally on holidays. His father still did not wish to discuss his son’s sexuality.
Related: Yes, it’s possible to be bisexual AND Muslim and this guy’s here to prove it
Shareef moved to New York City and lived with a boyfriend. A burst appendicitis led to an emergency dash to the hospital for Shareef – at the insistence of his boyfriend.
“My father came the next day with his wife. He took my boyfriend’s hand he said, ‘Thank you for saving my son’s life.’ And he sat down in the room. It was the first time in my life since coming out that he actively showed that he loved me and that the gay thing wasn’t going to stand in the way of his love.”
His once-in-a-blue-moon five-minute phone calls with his dad turned into ten-minute calls.
A few years passed, and Shareef learned he was HIV positive. Unable to face telling his parents, he instead told them he had cancer. He couldn’t find the words to tell them he had HIV.
“They called me a lot more, they – my dad came up. He took me to dinner. And then I told him I was HIV positive.
“And he cried. He told me that, you know, “You’re my only son. I’m your only father. We only have one life. A week isn’t going to go by without me talking to you.”
“It was almost like him saying, All this homophobia that I was holding onto is not worth not having my son in my life. Because he felt like that was it. I’m about to lose you and I’m not going to take that. And that kind of love coming from parents who threw me out was unexpected. It was what lifted me out of the depression of ‘Oh my God, I have HIV.’ It gave me life.”
“So today, I run a business, a non-binary fashion company. I make harnesses, underwear, jumpsuits. My father designs scarves, bags.
“Interesting, right? The guy who did – who couldn’t accept his gay son does fashion. Pretty amazing.
“We’re working together to start a line of underwear for African American men … kente cloth underwear, boxers.
“That’s coming a long way from being a child who my parents are like, Get out, to actually, like, not only seeing my father for more than five minutes at a time, but working with him on a business, father and son business. And I see this makes him happy and it makes me feel joy.”
Related: How one Oklahoma church decided to push back against Christian homophobes
Shareef told Queerty he still has a rather distant relationship with his mom, but is OK with that.
“We know we love each other but basically we are both adults over the age of 40 who live our own lives and live far away from each other.”
His dad designs scarves and formal accessories under the name, Scarves by Rashid. Shareef designs underwear and harnesses under the brand name Boipkg.com.
“He came to me with the idea that we do a father son project together and so we are in the planning stages of that project, which has brought us together more. He comes to NYC from Philadelphia to go with me to retail conventions and to meet with manufacturers and to pick out fabric.
“My plan is to build both of our brands and create a third father and son brand as well.”
Shareef says his father is still very religious but now has a more live-and-let-live attitude.
“His philosophy is that your life is between you and your god.”
H/T: I’m From Driftwood
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Sexual racism on queer dating apps screws with your mental health
A new study has concluded what many may already suspect: experiencing sexual racism on the dating scene impacts your mental health.
The study, entitled Sexual Racism Is Associated with Lower Self-Esteem and Life Satisfaction in Men Who Have Sex with Men, was published last month in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour.
It was carried out by Dr Michael Thai from Australia’s University of Queensland.
The study surveyed over 1,000 men in Australia, approximately three-quarters of whom were white and a quarter of whom were men of color. All were recruited via Grindr.
Related: “Photographer hopes to end sexual racism with stunning new photo book celebrating Asian men”
The survey asked respondents questions about their experiences of sexual racism. These included: “How often are you rejected in the domain of sex and dating due to your race?” (answered on a sliding scale between ‘never’ and ‘always’).
They were then asked to agree or disagree with statements to measure self-esteem and life satisfaction, such as: “I feel that I am a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with others.” (again, answered on a sliding scale between ‘strongly disagree’ and ‘strongly agree’).
The findings showed that experiencing race-based discrimination in dating (e.g., being rejected due to your race) was associated with lower self-esteem and lower life satisfaction.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re a racial minority or if you’re white – when it comes to dating, being discriminated against because of your race hurts for everyone,” says Thai.
He continued, “The good thing for white men, though, is they don’t appear to experience this form of discrimination very often. Men of color, on the other hand, report experiencing it a lot more.”
From those surveyed, white respondents reported experiencing sexual racism the least while Asian and South Asian respondents reported experiencing it the most.
Thai notes, “There is contention regarding whether discriminating between potential sexual and romantic partners based on race constitutes racism, with some considering it a form of racial bias and others maintaining that it merely reflects benign personal preference.”
He contends, however, that, “regardless of whether or not it is actually racist, it is certainly not benign; experiencing race-based sexual discrimination in dating is associated with detriments to psychological well-being much in the same way experiencing general forms of racial discrimination is.”
Related: “In an effort to curb sexual racism, Grindr goes Kindr”
He suggests that dating apps should help to promote anti-discrimination messages to tackle sexual racism and other forms of discrimination in dating (e.g., HIV stigma, femmephobia), and highlights initiatives like Grindr’s Kindr.
Launched last year, this aims to encourage users to be nicer to one another and not use exclusionary language.
Rugby Legend Gareth Thomas Comes Out as HIV-Positive After Blackmail Threat: WATCH
Welsh rugby star Gareth Thomas has come out as HIV-positive after “evil” people threatened to go public with his condition without his consent. Thomas was called the bravest athlete in sports when he came out as gay in 2009 while still active as a fullback for the Cardiff Blues professional rugby team.
Thomas made the announcement about his HIV status in a video posted to Twitter on Saturday.
Said Thomas: “I want to share my secret with you. Why? Because it’s mine to tell you. Not the evils that make my life hell by threatening to tell you before I do. And because I believe in you and I trust you. I’m living with HIV. Now you have that information, that makes me extremely vulnerable but it does not make me weak. Now even though I have been forced to tell you this, I choose to fight to educate and break the stigma around this subject.”
— Gareth Thomas (@gareththomas14) September 14, 2019
Thomas also told the Sunday Mirror: “I’ve been living with this secret for years. I’ve felt shame and keeping such a big secret has taken its toll. I was in a dark place, feeling suicidal. I thought about driving off a cliff. To me, wanting to die was just a natural thought and felt like the easier way out, but you have to confront things. I was being blackmailed and in my mind I thought you only get blackmailed for something really bad, which compounded the feeling of shame.”
Thomas said that he takes antiretroviral medication and the virus is now undetectable.
“I went for a routine sexual health test at a private clinic in Cardiff. I didn’t feel ill and thought everything was going to be fine,” he added. “When (the doctor) said those words… I immediately thought I was going to die. I felt like an express train was hitting me at 300mph. Then I was thinking ‘how long have I got left?’ I’m speaking out because I want to help others and make a difference. I hope me speaking out about my diagnosis will help a lot of people.”
Prince William and Kate Middleton tweeted their support for Thomas after the revelation.
Courageous as ever – legend on the pitch and legend off it. You have our support Gareth. W t.co/WXGof2N3j8
— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) September 15, 2019
The post Rugby Legend Gareth Thomas Comes Out as HIV-Positive After Blackmail Threat: WATCH appeared first on Towleroad Gay News.
Rugby Legend Gareth Thomas Comes Out as HIV-Positive After Blackmail Threat: WATCH
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