Cozy’ing up in this caramel cocoa @rinatbrodach puffer for my @BuzzFeed / @cocoabutterbf shoot highlighting my 7 rules to live by. Check them out & remember to LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Ball Deodorant: Sometimes the best inventions are the most obvious! You put deodorant under your arms, doesn’t it make sense to put it on down there? Your balls will thank you → t.co/JX5CsVG8jGpic.twitter.com/RvyhpLXgjl
I can’t speak to Buzzfeed’s sourcing, but, for what it’s worth, I declined to run with parts of the narrative they conveyed based on a source central to the story repeatedly disputing the idea that Trump directly issued orders of that kind.
UNBREAKABLE Every miracle, every song, every discovery has led to this! Find out if Kimmy gets her happy ending in the final season of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
How Did A Boy From Rural Georgia Become the King of Kink?
Alexander Cheves isn’t entirely comfortable being called a sex advisor because he lacks a formal clinical education or sex therapy certification. But for the thousands of young gaymen who know him as The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend he’s a touchstone for understanding their kinks and desires from the explosion in popularity of “pup play” to, well, use your imagination.
Cheves started writing about his own experiences and everything has sprung from that. “A college class required me to start a blog and maintain it the entire semester. At the end of the class, I was graded on content, use of media, and so on. I loved it so much that I continued blogging. The blog was filled with personal confessions and stories about my sex life and my gay identity. People working at a digital queer magazine in Chicago found the blog and asked me to be a columnist, and the rest is history. That blog has morphed into a sex advice blog, and I still get questions every week from readers.”
Cheves’ advice is sage and de-stigmatizing for someone who’s only 26.
As a recent profile of Cheves in Plus magazine said, “The gay Georgia native dives deep into the role that sex and sexuality plays in LGBTQ history. An enthusiastic member of the kink and leather communities, Cheves also dispenses guides for newcomers that are helpful and humanizing for those in these subcultures. His pieces that address the hanky code, cruising grounds, or “public displays of affection that straight people take for granted,” educate readers about how queer people have been persecuted — and yet have managed to still find each other and maintain vibrant communities.”
Cheves confesses that he had some messy relationships in college, which was the catalyst for him writing about his own experiences. “I dated a guy who was pretty judgy and slut-shamed me for my past promiscuity. I cheated on him, of course, and lost all my friends, because they were his friends. He spread some rumors about me, or maybe his friends did, and that made me mad. I was proud of my sex. I decided I had to own the slut label.”
Cheves came to the realization that he couldn’t let someone shame him for something he wasn’t ashamed of himself.
That started Cheves on a journey of self discovery.
“Before that, my whole life was shame, particularly shame around sex, as it is for most queer men. I grew up on a farm in the middle of Georgia with very religious Southern Baptist parents. I’d memorized scripture and hated myself for my desires, and it took a bad breakup in college to reject all that shame, and I had to write about that. I began reading about non-monogamy and queer sex culture and worked through the great sex writers like Anaïs Nin and Henry Miller, and that’s when I realized I wanted to be the Anaïs Nin of my generation.”
In the few years Cheves has been writing, queer media has changed and become somewhat less friendly to provocateurs and smut, and that makes him uncomfortable. “Early on, I knew I would have to wear the label of ‘sex educator’ before I could be a ‘smutty provocateur,’ but the reality is that I collect vintage dirty gay rags like Drummer and Honcho and STH and that’s the caliber of work I aspire to. When I really get in a rut, I remember something Cate Blanchett said in an interview a couple years ago in W Magazine, which is the closest thing to an “a-ha” moment I’ve had and one I have over and over: Art is meant to provoke, not instruct.”
Cheves hit his stride doing what he loves best working for the sex toy company Fort Troff.
A couple of years ago, he wrote a slideshow piece, 39 Sex Toys Every Gay Man Should Try, for Sexy Beast, his digital sex and relationships column on The Advocate. “Some of those toys I wrote about were Fort Troff toys. Someone at the company, which is based in Atlanta, noticed hits coming from the site, contacted my editor, and asked about me. Coincidentally, I had just moved back to Georgia from L.A. and was looking for a job. They took me on as copywriter and director of social media.”
The stigmas around kink and BDSM stem from the same place most stigmas do — shame, religion, and lack of education Cheves says. “I’m an anti-theist partly because religion has played such a devastating role throughout history in the development — or lack thereof — of human sexuality. The Abrahamic faiths generally consider sexual excess and sex outside specific religious confines to be among the greatest sins a person can commit. That unhealthy view of sex and pleasure pervades nearly every world culture and is a cornerstone of patriarchy. My work is intended to combat that. If sex and pleasure are relegated to sin and temptation, I’m the devil. “
Cheves adds “I saw Towleroadreported on the University of Michigan study that LGBTQ people are more likely to have problems with smoking and drinking. I have a problem with certain substances, and substance abuse is something I want to talk more about. I try hard not to pathologize queerness, and I don’t think being gay or lesbian or bisexual makes you inherently more problem-prone, but queer culture is pretty druggy. We’ve always had a drug culture and some awesome things — awesome music, designers, and artists — have come out of it. But some less-awesome things have come out of it too, and that’s something we need to talk about. If we’re going to popularize the fun parts of our culture, we also need to popularize the language of care and harm reduction and create a stigma-free zone in which anyone can ask for help without getting shamed.”
Lastly Cheves laughs when I ask why ‘pup play’ seems to have exploded in recent years.
“What you and I call puppy play is a mild, modern iteration of an older, more intense fetish practice — dog play — and it’s the most accessible scene to people discovering kink for the first time,” says Cheves, “If I was taking a beginner on a tour of kink, I’d start with puppy play. I’ve started with punch fisting and it didn’t go so well.”
How One Small South Dakota Town Became a Champion for LGBTQ Equality
Local leaders of Brookings, South Dakota, knew they had problem.
In 2013, when city officials received a preliminary score of 12 out of 100 on the HRC’s Municipal Equality Index (MEI), they began to embark on a multiyear effort to achieve a perfect 100 score.
Local leaders, including Brookings City Clerk Shari Thornes, Human Rights Commission Chair Steve Bayer and City Attorney Steve Britzman, immediately began working out what they could do better to help make their community a more welcoming and affirming place for LGBTQ people.
The city of Brookings — a town of roughly 22,000 — started identifying a strategy, tackling goals each year to make the small town more inclusive. Their efforts included putting together LGBTQ community liaisons in all three of their local law enforcement agencies as well as working with the Brookings High School and the university with their GSA programs and the students.
Their tireless efforts began to pay off and each year their score improved. It wasn’t until the city finally adopted a non-discrimination ordinance that included sexual orientation and gender identity that their initial 12 point draft score finally reached a perfect 100 on the 2018 MEI.
Brookings is proof that even a small community can make a huge impact toward achieving LGBTQ equality.
The MEI examines how inclusive municipal laws, policies and services are of LGBTQ people who live and work there. The index rates a total of 506 cities on 49 different criteria from every state in the nation. The full MEI report, including detailed scorecards for every city and a searchable database, is available online at hrc.org/mei.
HRC Commemorates the Life of Civil Rights Hero Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Today, HRC announced that hundreds of HRC volunteers will take part in nearly 30 community service events across the nation in a day of service and action honoring the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
“Today we honor a giant, whose enduring legacy of social justice and action continues to guide our path and the paths of all who fight for an America that is more fair, equal and just,”said HRC President Chad Griffin. “As we reflect on Dr. King’s legacy, we reaffirm our commitment to advocating for all members of our community — especially the most vulnerable among us — and to honoring Dr. King’s vision every day in our work, values and actions.”
With the support and involvement of HRC members and supporters, volunteers nationwide will be giving back to their communities through a range of service projects and amplifying the work local organizations and leaders are doing for the most marginalized groups of the LGBTQ community. Efforts include organizing clothing and toiletries donation drives; assembling and distributing care packages of travel-size hygiene items, school supplies and winter accessories; and participating in beautification and small renovation projects.
HRC will partner with 27 service providers and local organizations across 26 cities and regions in living out the values of justice and equality that Dr. King so tirelessly championed. The full list includes: Transgender Community Coalition (Orange County, Long Beach and Palm Springs), AIDS Task Force of Greater Cleveland (Cleveland), Montrose Grace Place and Bering Open Gate (Houston), Zebra Coalition Youth Center (Orlando), Walgrove Avenue Elementary (Los Angeles), Bridge For Youth (Twin Cities), Covenant House Florida (South Florida), All Shades United (Las Vegas), The Family Place (Dallas, Ft. Worth), Morris Home (Philadelphia), Christ Church PDX and Rose City United Methodist Church (Portland), Northwest Middle School (Salt Lake City), Wrenn House and Haven House Services (Durham), Comunidad Colectiva (Charlotte), Lighthouse Youth & Family Services (Cincinnati), SMYAL (Washington), Wanda Alston (Washington), and the Latin American Youth Center (Washington), Youth Care Orion Center (Seattle), Friendship Center (Orange County, Long Beach and Palm Springs), YMCA Linwood (Kansas City), San Diego Youth Services and San Diego Unified Schools (San Diego), Youth Oasis (New Orleans), Hetrick-Martin Institute (New York), Nance Elementary (St. Louis), and Nashville Cares (Nashville).
For more information about service projects around the country, visit hrc.org/MLKDayOfService.
The GLAAD Wrap: Trailers for ‘Now Apocalypse’ and ‘Billions,’ Critics’ Choice Award winners, and more!
Photo Credit: Showtime
Every week, the GLAAD Wrap brings you LGBTQ-related entertainment news highlights, fresh stuff to watch out for, and fun diversions to help you kick off the weekend!
1)Vice Sports released a new short documentary on Wednesday following NBA player Reggie Bullock and his activism following the murder of his transgender sister Mia in 2014. Bullock has worked with GLAAD and other organizations to raise his voice in support of LGBTQ and specifically trans people, and uses his platform as a well-known athlete to call attention to these issues. Watch the documentary below.
2) Spider-Man: Far From Home, which released its first trailer this week, features two trans cast members.The Advocate reports that trans actors Zack Barack and Tyler Luke Cunningham will play a friend of Peter Parker and a featured extra, respectively. Although the gender identity of their characters has not yet been defined, this casting news is a big step for inclusion by a major studio. In further film news, lesbian comedian and actress Wanda Sykes has been cast in the upcoming film Lexi, a new comedy film about what happens when you love your phone more than anything else. The movie also stars Rose Byrne, Justin Hartley, and Ron Funches among others.
3)A trailer has been released for the upcoming show Now Apocalypse, created by out filmmaker Gregg Araki. The show follows Ulysses, a queer millennial partying with his friends in Los Angeles while also having bizarre premonitions. The trailer shows Tyler Posey as a love interest for Ulysses who is very aware of the upcoming end of the world. Watch the trailer below, and catch the premiere of Now Apocalypse March 10 on Starz after American Gods.
7)Out writer, producer and director Angela Robinson has signed a new two-year overall deal with Paramount TV, where she will be creating and developing new projects for the studio. Robinson wrote and directed the queer inclusive projects Professor Marston and the Wonder Women and D.E.B.S. Robinson currently serves as co-captain of Time’s Up Women of Color. We are excited to see what the prolific queer filmmaker will create at Paramount.
8) Out bi pop singer Lauren Jauregui released a new single and music video on Friday, “More Than This.” In other music news, lesbian rapper Young M.A. released a new music video for her song “Bake Freestyle,” where she raps over Clipse’s “Grindin.” Watch the video here.
9) On Sunday, the Critics’ Choice Awards for film and television were handed out with awards going to Lady Gaga in a tie with Glenn Close for Best Actress; Mahershala Ali in Best Supporting Actor for playing gay musician Don Shirley in Green Book; The Favourite in Best Acting Ensemble as well as Best Actress in a Comedy for Olivia Colman; and Crazy Rich Asians won Best Comedy. In the television categories, The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story won Best Limited series, with Darren Criss winning Best Actor; and Best Supporting Actor in that category was awarded to out actor Ben Whishaw for playing queer character Norman Scott. BoJack Horseman, which features an asexual character in the main ensemble, won Best Animated Series. For the full list of winners, click here!
10) The line-up has been officially announced for PaleyFest LA, which features several panels with the creators and casts of impactful televisions shows. The line-up includes groundbreaking drama series Pose along with other LGBTQ-inclusive series such as Grace and Frankie, RuPaul’s Drag Race, 9-1-1, Jane the Virgin and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Star Trek: Discovery, and This is Us. Tickets are available here.
11) Trans in Trumpland, a documentary about the harmful impact of the current president on transgender Americans, is currently seeking funding for production. Helmed by trans Iranian-American filmmaker Tony Zosherafatain, the documentary focuses on a diverse group of transgender folks and shines a particular light on Miss Major, a transwoman who runs a safe haven for trans people in Arkansas. The documentary will also showcase Rebecca, a transwoman detained by ICE. To learn more and contribute to the project, click here.
Equality Virginia, HRC Hail Senate for Passing Non-Discrimination Protections, Call on House to Act
Today, Equality Virginia and HRC commended the Virginia State Senate for passing legislation that would prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity, while calling on the House of Delegates to prioritize these bills this session. The two bills that passed the Senate, SB 1009 and SB 998 would add these crucial, commensense protections for LGBTQ Virginians in housing and public employment, respectively. Earlier this week, several Republican members of the House of Delegates announced their support for these bills at a press conference, showing bipartisan support for these measures in both chambers. Over the past several elections, Equality Virginia and HRC have successfully elected pro-equality champions at every level of Virginia’s state government.
“For the fourth year in a row, the Virginia Senate has passed these crucial protections for LGBTQ Virginians with bipartisan support,” said James Parrish, Executive Director for Equality Virginia. “LGBTQ people should be able to work and live free from discrimination. Residents of the commonwealth overwhelmingly agree — supporting equality isn’t a Republican or Democratic value — it’s a Virginia value. It’s time for the House of Delegates to finally take up and pass these bills. It’s not controversial, it’s common sense.”
“These are basic non-discrimination protections that LGBTQ Virginians need and deserve, and that will make the commonwealth a more welcoming and inclusive place for all Virginians,” said Marty Rouse, HRC National Field Director. “Voters in Virginia — who continue to elect more and more pro-equality lawmakers — simply have no appetite for discrimination and want to be sure that their friends and neighbors are protected the same way they are. It’s essential for the future of Virginia that pro-equality legislators in the House act on these non-discrimination bills and ensure that these long-overdue protections are passed.”
In February of 2018, The Tarrance Group, a Republican polling firm that has done extensive work in Virginia and for national Republican candidates, conducted a poll of “base” Republican voters, specifically voters who have participated in at least two out of four of the last Republican primaries in the Commonwealth. They found:
55% of Republican voters believe it “should be against the law to discriminate in housing against someone who is gay or transgender.”
Only 35% opposed. 59% of Republican voters believe it should be against the law to discriminate in public employment against someone who is gay or transgender.” Only 32% opposed.
Last week, Mason-Dixon, a pollster with a long track record of work in Virginia as well, asked about the same issues in a January 2019 statewide poll. While finding broad support amongst the greater electorate, the pollster again found Republican voters onboard. They found:
53% of Republicans said they would support “legislation at the General Assembly this year that would update Virginia’s nondiscrimination laws to protect gay and transgender people from discrimination in housing.” Only 38% opposed.
63% of Republicans said they would support “legislation at the General Assembly this year that would update Virginia’s nondiscrimination laws to protect gay and transgender people from discrimination in employment.” Only 30% opposed.
Equality Virginia is the leading advocacy organization in Virginia seeking equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. EV believes in a truly inclusive Commonwealth where all are equally valued, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, and a Virginia that is a safe, welcoming, and equal place for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender individuals and their families to live, work, and play.
Be with someone who makes you happy (in a way no one else can). For Nikki, that someone was Denny. She writes: “Denny and I started talking on Zoosk in May 2018. We tried to meet up several times, however it never quite worked out. Then finally on June 30th, we had our first date. It
