How To Help New Parents At Risk Of Postnatal Depression

On the back of a BBC report that stated that “More than a third of mothers have experienced mental health issues related to parenthood” and “17% of fathers had experienced similar issues”, I thought I’d do a post trying to give advice on ways someone can help a person who they feel may be at risk of postnatal depression.

How You Can Help

Before I start, I will say that it’s actually quite tough to give out advice blindly like this. I don’t know anything about the situation in which you find yourself. I also don’t know who’s asking for advice. It could be a wife seeking help for her husband, a parent seeking help for her daughter, or a simply a friend concerned about a couple who might be struggling. Nonetheless, I will try my best to give some broad advice that may be applicable across the board.

Talk About It

There’s a very good chance that if someone is suffering from postnatal depression they won’t really want to talk about it. Depression in general is often a hidden illness, and as such, it often goes unnoticed. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing we can do to help someone. For a start, you have to try and open the dialogue up and talk about how they’re feeling. It’s going to be incredibly tough to get someone to open up enough where they might start talking about depression, especially when it may involve holding negative feelings towards their newborn, but you have to try. Talking about it is the first step to getting better, and if you can encourage it, then you’ve done a lot to help.

Don’t Judge the Emotions

When they do start to talk, try not to judge any of the emotions they talk about. No one wants to be depressed. And certainly no one wants to dislike their baby. Appreciate that the person doesn’t have any control over how they are feeling, and that this depression isn’t them. My wife found this incredibly hard; she was often frustrated that not only did I not love Isabelle, but I really disliked her. But she tried to understand that I couldn’t help it. It’s not easy, but if you make them feel bad for not having an emotion they have no control over, then you’re going to introduce guilt into this mess, and that will only make things worse.

Visiting

For those out there that aren’t directly involved with the baby, I’m talking about friends and family, then chances are you’re going to be visiting. Many people think they help out new couples merely by popping by to see them. But if done wrongly, this can make matters worse. What visiting can sometimes do is put pressure on the new parents to play hosts. Often visitors will come, steal away precious bonding moments by taking the sleeping baby away from the mother or father and pursue to use the baby as a accessory to take their pictures, only to then leave once the baby has aroused and requires feeding. I’m not saying don’t visit a new couple, I’m saying be mindful when you do. Don’t jump straight into holding the baby. Make your own tea and coffee, maybe clean up a little whilst you do. Perhaps you could bring food with you, and then maybe you could take a picture of this new family all together. I know visiting had a negative affect on me at times, and part of it came from some of the things I just mentioned.

The BBC also stated that:

“15% of mothers and a quarter of fathers say they didn’t receive any emotional support for their parenting at all. This is despite a growing understanding that postpartum depression affects men as well as women.”

So be there to help both parents. Don’t ignore the father and assume he’s coping too; actually ask him if he’s bonding with the baby, and if he’s coping with this drastic life change. Throughout the vast majority of human history we’ve had help from a community of sorts in raising babies, modern day should be no different.

If you want a few more suggestions on ways to help, then here’s a post about five ways to help.

If You Feel That You May Have Postnatal Depression

If you happen to feel that you’re suffering from postnatal depression, then perhaps you’ve already made a step in the right direction. The mere fact that you’re reading this implies that you’re looking for advice on ways to help, and everything starts from being willing to help yourself. Someone can try everything they can think of to help someone, but if the person isn’t ready to help themselves, you’re going to have a hard time.

I do have a video about ways to help with postnatal depression that you can watch here:

I’ve also made a toolkit for those looking for more advice on ways to help, which can be found here.

Thank you for reading this, and if you want to keep up-to-date with anything that I post or talk about, then feel free to follow me at the usual social links: Facebookand Twitter or the website.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/how-to-help-new-parents-at-risk-of-postnatal-depression_uk_5a1d8baae4b09413e786af52

Gay Conservative Arrested at University of Connecticut Speech

Lucian Wintrich, speaking on “It’s OK to Be White,” was arrested after leaving the stage and grabbing a woman in the crowd.

www.advocate.com/media/2017/11/28/gay-conservative-arrested-university-connecticut-speech

Lawyer Behind Trump’s Anti-Trans Polices Confirmed to Federal Appeals Court

Gregory Katsas will serve on the  U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit, which often rules on presidential orders.

www.advocate.com/politics/2017/11/28/lawyer-behind-trumps-anti-trans-polices-confirmed-federal-appeals-court

First Evidence Of Julius Caesar’s Invasion Of Britain Unveiled
The first evidence of the invasion of Britain by Julius Caesar has been discovered by archaeologists in Kent.

Artefacts such as iron weaponry, including a Roman pilium (javelin), along with the uncovering of a defensive ditch suggest that the site at Ebbsfleet, on the Isle of Thanet, was a Roman base in the 1st century BC.

They were found during preparations for building a road.

The finds, which will be fully revealed in BBC Four’s ‘Digging For Britain’, have lead a team from the University of Leicester to infer that Caesar’s first landing took place in 54BC at Thanet’s Pegwell Bay.

This would match the Roman emperor’s own account of his landing in 54BC with three clues about the topography of the landing site being consistent: the bay’s visibility from the sea, the existence of a large open bay, and the presence of higher ground nearby.

The site where the defence ditch, which measures around 4-5m wide and 2m deep was discovered is now 900m inland but at the time of the invasion, it would have been far closer to the shore.

Dr Andrew Fitzpatrick, research associate from the University of Leicester’s School of Archaeology and Ancient History said: “The site at Ebbsfleet  lies on a peninsular that projects from the south-eastern tip of the Isle of Thanet. Thanet has never been considered as a possible landing site before because it was separated from the mainland until the Middle Ages.

“However, it is not known how big the Channel that separated it from the mainland (the Wantsum Channel) was. The Wantsum Channel was clearly not a significant barrier to people of Thanet during the Iron Age and it certainly would not have been a major challenge to the engineering capabilities of the Roman army.”

Fitzpatrick explained: “Sailing from somewhere between Boulogne and Calais, Caesar says that at sunrise they saw Britain far away on the left hand side. As they set sail opposite the cliffs of Dover, Caesar can only be describing the white chalk cliffs around Ramsgate which were being illuminated by the rising sun.

“Caesar describes how the ships were left at anchor at an even and open shore and how they were damaged by a great storm. This description is consistent with Pegwell Bay, which today is the largest bay on the east Kent coast and is open and flat. The bay is big enough for the whole Roman army to have landed in the single day that Caesar describes. The 800 ships, even if they landed in waves, would still have needed a landing front 1-2 km wide.

“Caesar also describes how the Britons had assembled to oppose the landing but, taken aback by the size of the fleet, they concealed themselves on the higher ground. This is consistent with the higher ground of the Isle of Thanet around Ramsgate.

“These three clues about the topography of the landing site; the presence of cliffs, the existence of a large open bay, and the presence of higher ground nearby, are consistent with the 54 BC landing having been in Pegwell Bay.”

The team has also suggested that, far from being a failure as many assume, Caesar’s invasions were actually seen as a triumph because victory was judged by beating opponents not occupying their lands.

Professor Colin Haselgrove, the principal investigator for the project from the University of Leicester, explained: “It seems likely that the treaties set up by Caesar formed the basis for alliances between Rome and British royal families. This eventually resulted in the leading rulers of south-east England becoming client kings of Rome. Almost 100 years after Caesar, in AD 43 the emperor Claudius invaded Britain. The conquest of south-east England seems to have been rapid, probably because the kings in this region were already allied to Rome.

“This was the beginning of the permanent Roman occupation of Britain, which included Wales and some of Scotland, and lasted for almost 400 years, suggesting that Claudius later exploited Caesar’s legacy.”

Digging For Britain is on BBC 4 at 9pm on 29 November.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/julius-caesar-archaeology-kent_uk_5a1d4cdee4b0e2ddcbb2793e

Canada to Give $110 Million to ‘Gay Purge’ Victims

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau issued an apology and an unprecedented promise of financial compensation.

www.advocate.com/world/2017/11/28/canada-give-110-million-gay-purge-victims

Justin Trudeau Apologizes for Canadian Government’s Criminalization of Homosexuality: WATCH

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on Tuesday apologized on behalf of the nation to gays and lesbians for decades of discrimination based on their sexual orientation. The government will also spend more than Can$100 million (US$78 million) to settle a class action lawsuit filed on behalf of thousands of people who lost government jobs because of…

The post Justin Trudeau Apologizes for Canadian Government’s Criminalization of Homosexuality: WATCH appeared first on Towleroad.

Justin Trudeau Apologizes for Canadian Government’s Criminalization of Homosexuality: WATCH