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Daily Archives: November 9, 2015
On Losing a Parent in Your 20s
On Losing a Parent in Your 20s
I found my mother lying unresponsive in the living room of our home. She was slumped in her favorite chair with a peaceful expression on her face, her eyes closed as if she were dreaming about some glorious, faraway land. Within minutes, the paramedics came and pronounced her dead. She passed away peacefully in her sleep from natural causes on Friday, October 10th, 2014. That night, I remember telling my best friend, between sobs on the phone, these exact words: “She won’t see me turn 30.”
I was 27.
Throughout most of my 20s, I believed that I had experienced many of the joys and tribulations of a young adult. I graduated from college, moved to New York and then back to Philly (twice), started a job and got laid off, started a blog, became an entrepreneur, made and squandered money, dated a**holes, discovered love, traveled to many countries, developed a newfound relationship with my parents, experienced the death of a grandparent, dealt with an unhealthy shopping addiction, graduated from grad school, created and grew out of friendships, and so much more. I fancied it a breeze turning 30, having garnered a wealth of knowledge and wisdom through the trials of my 20s. Little did I know I was about to face the most difficult challenges of my life.
I never thought my mother would die. In fact, I dreamt that my parents would grow old together. I pictured them still nimble and happy well into their 100s. They’d watch me advance in my career and start a family, and they’d become sprightly grandparents. I could picture them spending weekends with my future kids, recounting stories of when I was young and loved to make movies with my action figures. I always dreamt that when the time came for them to leave this world, I would send them out to sea on an ice floe — much like Elijah Wood’s character, “North,” did for his adoptive grandparent in the 1994 film. There, they would pass away with peace and dignity in the calm of a tranquil sea.
If only real life were as benevolent as a ’90s children’s movie.
There’s no instructional guide on how to deal with the death of a parent — especially when it’s unexpected and in your 20s. As millennials, we’ve spent much of this decade coming of age alongside technology while dealing with the rigors of a terrible recession. We’re also staying single longer, too. According to a 2014 Gallup poll, a whopping 64 percent of us are unmarried and single. With no immediate rush to walk down the aisle or raise children, many of us are still trying to break into a career. A lot of us are still semi-dependent on our parents for financial, if not emotional, support. Our generation as a whole is far more connected to our parents than they were to theirs.
Many of us still think of our parents as the pillars of our family unit. This was especially true for me. Since I am my mother’s only child with my dad (he has an older daughter from a previous relationship), I felt the brunt of dealing with not only my own grief, but his as well. It was always the three of us. We spent countless birthdays, holidays, family outings and vacations together. We shared such an innate camaraderie that my friends often referred to us as the modern-day Huxtable family with just one kid. When my mother died, all of that ended. One of the pillars of my family unit had tumbled down. My world collapsed.
In the year since her death, I’ve learned a great deal about grief. I’ve learned that it’s far more complex than I thought, and not a step-by-step process. Contrary to the philosophy of the five stages of grief, its progress is not linear. There’s no gradual way to grieve. It’s far more sporadic and intricate than that. Some days I’m happy and/or content or euphoric, believing that my mother is in a far better place. Other days, I’m angry, depressed and catatonic, wishing I could talk to her just one more time. It comes in waves — some like a tsunami, others like a gentle tide.
I’ve also learned that many of your friends won’t understand the loss of a parent unless it has happened to them. Although many of my friends are supportive, either lending an ear or offering a hug or advice when I need it, a few are dismissive. Literally a week after my mom died, a friend stopped me on the street to say: “Oh, I heard your mom died. I’m sorry. Hey, did you get an invite to my party this weekend?” Some have grown distant — either not returning phone calls or acting like nothing happened when I talk to them. As bewildering and upsetting as this has been, I’ve learned that everyone deals with death differently. Some embrace it, and others mask it. There are two sides to every coin, and I’ve witnessed both.
You understand that your memories with your parents are sacred. There is a saying that I have scribbled in my tattered red mini moleskin notebook: “Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure” — a quote from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Every so often, I open the notebook and leaf to this page and read it over and over. I am instantly taken back to the pleasant times I shared with my mom. I recall our many giggle sessions — like the time a squirrel got into our home through the roof and my mother walked in to find it frantically running circles around our living room, leaving sh*t everywhere (apparently when squirrels get nervous, they poop a lot). She panicked and locked herself in her bedroom until my dad came home, in true #GailWendyStorm fashion. Or our many intimate conversations — like the time I came out to her. Also, I recall our many screaming matches. All of these memories keep my mother alive in my heart and mind. It’s odd — with her gone, there’s no one to reminisce about these special times with. There’s no one to help corroborate my memories (or correct them) in the way she did. Sometimes, I feel like I’m the sole inheritor of a million stories, jokes, fibs and associations that only she and I shared. It feels very bittersweet. On one hand, I am glad I had all of the experiences; on the other, I am now the only keeper of them in the known universe.
As I approach 30, it will no doubt be difficult reaching a milestone age without my mom physically by my side. I feel her spirit everywhere I go, but I’m not sure that it is the same. Her sage words guided and steered me for 27 years. She imparted lessons during and at the surprise conclusions of all my harebrained adventures. I still feel her laugh and imagine her frowning whenever I do something dumb. But then, I think of all the possibilities and the challenges she went through at my age — graduating high school, starting a job, meeting and marrying my father. Tracing her steps as she learned to become an adult makes me smile. She left me a courageous legacy to follow.
Life gets better. I know if my mother could attest, she would. It’s an amazing and f*cked-up world, riddled with challenges and opportunities. I’m happy to live in a world like this, and I think she was, too. I’ll cherish the memory of her, and how we affected each other’s worlds, forever.
This post originally appeared on LoweFactor.
— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Open Question: Being threatened by someone at work with the same title as me.?
Open Question: Being threatened by someone at work with the same title as me.?
So I had went to HR on a previous employee. Me being an assistant manager I went to HR on said employee for calling my crew members the N word and well as calling me a fgt. Said employee was terminated but he was also friends with another manager. This manager is in his 50s and an ex felon. His buddy was a pedophile. He himself just got promoted to my title about 2 weeks ago. Now, that said I am lgbt in the State of TN we don’t have work protection yet. That’ll surely be soon. My issue is I went to HR on that manager the same time as that employee the manager got to stay for some unknown reason. Yesterday I went to my boss because that said manager had sexually harassed about 6 female employees at the job site. My boss said he needed to hear it from them not me. Apparently one of the females who said something also told that a manager she complained on that I went and took appropriate steps of actions to resolve it. Which he absolutely despised and then he started to threaten me, to kill me and to have ex employee help. I have people who have heard the conversation I also posted on FB on how I was threatened and that I was done. Not mentioning the actual business itself. What do I do?? EEOC? Lawsuit I cannot afford? I have PTSD and this jut makes it a lot worse. That same manage tried to blackmail me as will saying I better air or else. I don’t give in to blackmail what so ever.
What Does Your Grindr Profile Really Say About You?
What Does Your Grindr Profile Really Say About You?
“NPNC.”
“Bored.”
“Masc for masc.”
“Friends only.”
These are some of the most commonly-used phrases on dating apps like Grindr and SCRUFF. Of course, most gay men already know what they mean. We invented the language ourselves, after all. But for those of you who may not be so hip to the jive, the folks at Buzzfeed have put together this amusing tutorial decoding their meanings.
Check it out below. And add more suggestions in the comments below.
Related stories:
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Here’s What Grindr Looked Like At Southern California’s Premiere Furry Convention
Graham Gremore
Are James Bond and Jason Bourne Having an Affair? – WATCH
Are James Bond and Jason Bourne Having an Affair? – WATCH
Do James Bond and Jason Bourne have a secret they can’t tell anyone?
A new Funny or Die video wants you to think these two super-spies have been hiding a big gay love affair. The video mashes up scenes from Daniel Craig’s 4 movie turn as James Bond with scenes of Matt Damon as Jason Bourne to create a trailer for a romantic spy story that sees these international men of mystery falling in love.
RELATED: Daniel Craig Says He Might Play Gay in His Next Role–And Then Gets Flustered by Seth Meyers: WATCH
Watch the romance blossom below:
James Bond And Jason Bourne Have A Secret – watch more funny videos
The post Are James Bond and Jason Bourne Having an Affair? – WATCH appeared first on Towleroad.
Sean Mandell
WATCH: Kansas Teacher Who Showed Pro-LGBT Antibullying Video Returning to Classroom
WATCH: Kansas Teacher Who Showed Pro-LGBT Antibullying Video Returning to Classroom
School officials in Conway Springs, Kan., announced the teacher who said he was asked to resign, for showing an antibullying video that has a pro-LGBT theme, is returning to the classroom following two weeks of administrative leave, reported Wichita TV station KWCH.
Thomas Leahy showed his eighth-grade history classes last month a short film, Love Is All You Need, as a lesson on tolerance. The movie portrays a heterosexual girl raised in a world where everyone else is homosexual. The girl is bullied so severely that she takes her own life at the end of the film.
Media attention, including newspaper and TV reports in which Leahy told reporters he had been asked to resign, sparked a petition with close to 3,000 signatures to have him reinstated.
Leahy and the district released a joint statement Saturday after canceling a scheduled news conference:
“Both parties agree to the statements below and both agree not to make any further statements about the topic.
“As was reported previously, Mr. Leahy chose to show a film in his classroom that became controversial due to the graphic content shown to 8th graders. Mr. Leahy has stated that he knew the film might be controversial and has agreed that he should have checked with the administration prior to showing the film. He also agrees that some of his comments made in the classroom after the film added to the controversy.
“The school district and Mr. Leahy agreed that he would be on leave for 10 days from the classroom. During this leave, both sides consulted legal counsel and facts were gathered and rumors were eliminated to make sure all information was available prior to making any decisions. The legal advice was used throughout this process to determine what further action, if any, was needed.
“Many rumors have floated around during the leave time. We would like to address some of those:
“It was posted that Mr. Leahy had been fired — this never happened.
“It was also posted that Mr. Leahy was being forced to resign. That never happened. Mr. Leahy was considering resigning at one time, but decided not to do so. There was never a forced resignation in this process.
“Many posts were made about why some parents were upset with the showing of the video. The fact is that the vast majority of complaints were about the graphic suicide scene and some of the comments made after the film had ended.
“In closing, we want to point out that from the start of this issue, Mr. Leahy was on two weeks leave. That never changed. At the end of the two week period, he will be allowed back in the classroom with some safeguards in place to make sure the students in the classroom are okay which is our number one concern.
“Mr. Leahy and the school district want to make this our final statements on this issue. We will have no further comment on the topic.”
Read the petition here and watch a report from Wichita TV station KWCH below.
Dawn Ennis
Kansas Teacher Fights Back After Getting In Trouble For Showing Anti-Bullying Video
Kansas Teacher Fights Back After Getting In Trouble For Showing Anti-Bullying Video
A social studies teacher was reportedly asked to resign after showing an anti-bullying video, but he returned to school Monday.
The post Kansas Teacher Fights Back After Getting In Trouble For Showing Anti-Bullying Video appeared first on ThinkProgress.
Casey Quinlan
thinkprogress.org/education/2015/11/09/3720480/kansas-teacher-bullying-resign/
Logo Premieres 'Gen Silent' Documentary Featuring LGBT Elders
Logo Premieres 'Gen Silent' Documentary Featuring LGBT Elders
Aging as a member of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community can be an isolating — and oftentimes dehumanizing — experience.
A powerful new documentary from Logo looks at the LGBT community’s relationship with aging and the massive generational gap that seems to exist between queer youth and their elders.
Called “Gen Silent,” the film follows six queer seniors living in Boston, Massachusetts, and brings to light stories from the early days of mainstream LGBT activism. It also examines the way that queer seniors are often forced to go “back into the closet” by institutions they rely on for care, like nursing homes. Older queer people are also disproportionately forced to age alone, due to factors like broken relationships with families of origin and decisions not to have children.
The Huffington Post chatted with “Gen Silent” director Stu Maddux this week about his experiences working on the film and some of the most compelling realities he witnessed about life as an aging member of the queer community.
Why is it important to elevate the stories and lives of elders in the LGBT community?
Stu Maddux: I have never felt as proud about who I am — cis gay man here — as when I come face to face with the person who made my community step by step, day by day from absolutely nothing. I don’t hang out with them because I “owe it” to my LGBT elders. I do it because I owe it to myself. Knowing them is when I truly understand the word “Pride.” That’s when I really feel it. Talking with them helps me solve how to take the world they are handing me, keep making it better and pass it on to people who will come after me.
What were some of the most compelling realities you witnessed about life for these LGBT elders?
The isolation was just… can’t describe it. We queer folk don’t have a patent on growing old alone but we definitely get a double dose of it because our support group is smaller. Even now, it’s more likely you have a brother or sister who has “issues” with you and won’t be there for you in the crunch, or that you lost a lot friends from AIDS in the 80s/90s, or maybe you just don’t want the married with children life. All of these things made me realize that it’s extra important to fill my life starting now with people who will really love me enough to wipe my bottom later on. Did I just say that? Yup. It’s true though.
Do you think that there is a problem with queer youth not respecting their elders?
When people say queer youth don’t respect their elders, I kind of cock my head. Like, where exactly could all this disrespecting be taking place? Thanksgiving dinner? When is there even an opportunity for us to spend enough time together where it would happen? A Bat Mitzvah? To their credit, many LGBT and pride centers are bridging the super-sized LGBT intergenerational gap with programs, but we have no way at the moment to really get to know our elders on the same level we know our straight grandparents. I wonder if the feeling of disrespect that many older LGBT people feel is really a feeling of being invisible. Because when I talk to queer youth, most really want to connect with older LGBT people. It feels more like there is a fence both sides are reaching across right now. Taking the wire cutters to it is even more important for marginalized communities like ours because without the voice of experience our movement will just reinvent the wheel every generation.
What did you personally take away from working on this project?
I was given these glasses that let me to see the young, fun, fascinating queer person behind a few wrinkles. I highly recommend a pair. Available at all fine Pride centers with a senior program.
“Gen Silent” will premiere on Monday, Nov. 9, 2015 at 9 P.M. ET/PT on Logo. The network is also launching a campaign called “Blogging for LGBT Elders Day” in partnership with Mombian.com to coincide with the film — head here for more information.
Also on HuffPost:
— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Open Question: Do u support the army or Bradley Manning (article below) and do u know any1 offline or online M2F or F2M transsexual, transvestite or pre-op?
Open Question: Do u support the army or Bradley Manning (article below) and do u know any1 offline or online M2F or F2M transsexual, transvestite or pre-op?
www.yahoo.com/politics/chelsea-manning-feels-like-a-1294507071078454.html
-bq- How do you feel about lgbtq rights in general and why ? ps: DO NOT move this question to the lgbt section on yahoo, their opinions will be one-sided. I would like it to stay in Polls & Surveys where it can be read by a greater number of people with different perspectives.
Jane Fonda puckers up to Miley’s six-pack
Jane Fonda puckers up to Miley’s six-pack
The pair attended a LGBT gala in Los Angeles on Saturday night.
Jaclyn Hendricks
pagesix.com/2015/11/09/jane-fonda-puckers-up-to-mileys-six-pack/
