France will go without ambassador to Vatican City until 2017 over refusal of gay candidate

France will forgo having an ambassador to Vatican City before French presidential elections scheduled for 2017 after the Holy See refused to accept the openly gay diplomat selected for the role by the French Government.

Laurent Stefanini was announced as France’s preferred candidate for the role in April, having previously served as France’s number two diplomat in Vatican City from 2001 to 2005.

The Archbishop of Paris, Cardinal André Vingt-Trois sent a letter to Pope Francis to support the French Government’s choice of ambassador.

Stefanini was rejected despite being a practicing Catholic who has neither married or entered into a civil partnership.

The issue seems to have been that he is openly gay.

The Vatican simply refused to comment or acknowledge the French Government’s nomination of Stefanini for the role and, according to a report by Liberation, the government has now given up on getting a response.

‘It’s dead,’ a source close to the affair reportedly told the daily newspaper.

However there will be some blowback for the Vatican as it appears the French Government is willing to simply go without an ambassador to Vatican City while President Francois Hollande remains in power if the Vatican wants to play it that way.

The post France will go without ambassador to Vatican City until 2017 over refusal of gay candidate appeared first on Gay Star News.

Andrew Potts

www.gaystarnews.com/article/france-will-go-without-ambassador-to-vatican-city-until-2017-over-refusal-of-gay-candidate/

Op-ed: Bisexuality Means Coming Out All Over Again to Find Community

I came out as bisexual for the first time to two friends when I was about 16, and then more publicly my freshman year of college. Since then, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve come out, too often in response to questions like, “So does this mean you’re gay now?” when I began dating a woman, or “So you’re not gay anymore?” when I was dating a man.

Bisexuality doesn’t work that way.

After years of knowing few other self-identified bisexuals, I have finally connected with the Bi+ community in the past year, and learned that my experiences are strikingly common — nearly all of us have faced biphobia from parents, partners, friends and acquaintances, as well as those within the LGBT community. And many of us find our identities routinely erased or rendered invisible, leaving us with the choice to remain unseen or come out over and over again.

To be clear, there are many legitimate reasons for not identifying openly with the term “bisexual.” I understand the desire to eschew labels, to resist the expectation that our sexualities have to fit into neat categories. There are also those for whom exposing themselves to biphobia is neither safe nor healthy; and given the tendency of others to make assumptions about our identities, it shouldn’t be incumbent on us to constantly correct people.

But avoiding being visibly bisexual also poses a problem to the rest of our community: it allows biphobia to persist and keeps us silent. Being openly bisexual is in many ways still a radical act, even in the LGBT community.

But it shouldn’t be, and here’s why:

Bisexuality is real and should not be a source of shame. According to the Williams Institute, an LGBT think-tank based at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Law, about half of the LGB community describes their sexual orientation as bisexual — half of us.

Surprised? I was, too. So the question those of us who are attracted to more than one gender need to ask ourselves comes down to: why don’t we want to call ourselves bisexual? Is it because we don’t want to deal with biphobia — because we don’t want people to make assumptions about our sex lives, or say that our sexuality isn’t real, or is just a phase? Do we have our own internalized biphobia that we’d rather not deal with?

Biphobia is literally killing us. From suicide to major health disparities, we’re unhealthier than our non-LGBT and our lesbian and gay peers, and we also have the lowest levels of social support.

Bisexual youth need role models. The Human Rights Campaign Foundation’s 2012 survey of LGBT youth showed that bisexual youth were less likely than lesbian and gay or non-LGBT youth to say they were happy; they also had less support from caring adults, and reported and high levels of exclusion and bullying by peers. These youth need to know that there are real adult bisexuals who disprove biphobic stereotypes.

Bisexuality is a big, gender-inclusive umbrella. I often hear people say they’d rather avoid labels because they want to acknowledge their attraction to non-binary people. But bisexual community activists have long embraced non-binary people, and included those who identify as pansexual, queer and fluid. Like many of my fellow bi activists, I prefer legendary activist Robyn Ochs’s definition:

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted — romantically and/or sexually — to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

Bisexual people need community and our community needs support. Connecting with the bisexual community has changed my life. It has made me more aware of the ways in which biphobia can affect my mental health, my relationships, and my sexual health. It has also made me aware of how much we need each other for support and for community, if for nothing more than the relief that comes with being among others to whom we don’t have to defend ourselves. The most radically accepting spaces I have ever experienced have been with bisexual community members.

Biphobia is rampant within the LGBT community, and visibility is a step toward stopping it. While I’ve certainly grown weary of straight, cisgender men fetishizing my sexuality, and my mother’s tendency to “forget” my bisexuality when I’m in a relationship with a man, by far the worst biphobia I’ve ever faced has been from gay men and lesbians. The first woman I ever fell in love with routinely asked me why I couldn’t “just be a lesbian,” and I’ve had community members question my commitment to the cause because I could partner with a man and enjoy the “privilege” of passing as straight — as if lying about who you are is a privilege.

Only recently have I come to understand the importance of proudly claiming my bisexual identity, even though there are still days when I’m just plain tired of coming out. Even with a supportive partner and affirming friends and family, facing biphobia and constantly correcting people’s assumptions about my identity can be tedious and even daunting.

But I try to be as out as possible, and to address biphobia wherever I see it. So if you fall somewhere within the bisexual umbrella, and it is safe and healthy for you to be out and proud about who you are, please join me in coming out, and keep coming out as much as your situation permits. For those in our community who can’t be out for whatever reason, those of us who can will do our best to challenge biphobia and create safe and healthy spaces for us all.

BETH SHEROUSE is an American Council of Learned Studies Public Fellow and senior content manager at the Human Rights Campaign.

Beth Sherouse

www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/10/11/op-ed-bisexuality-means-coming-out-all-over-again-find-community

LGBTI Africans share their real life coming out stories

There are a lot of people, both LGBTI and straight and cis-gendered, who believe the struggle for LGBTI acceptance is won.

But videos showing Kenyans and a Ugandan telling their coming out stories show many people still have to ask themselves: ‘It is really safe to come out?’

The interviewees describe their experiences of coming out, struggling for self-acceptance and rebuilding bridges with loved ones they lost.

Kendi Magiri said she would tell her younger self: ‘Stay true to who you are.

‘I told so many lies to myself, and I ended up putting myself in situations that almost totally ruined my life.

‘I was so self-destructive.’

The videos have advice for young people coming out today.

Lorna Dias advises: ‘There is somewhere you can go. You are not alone.

‘The business of coming out is very difficult; it is something traumatizing… It is understandable.’

Cleopatra Kampugu says of her experience: ‘If you are sure [of who you are], you don’t need anyone to validate you.’

The videos were created for IDAHOT 2015 (International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia) as a documentation project by None On Record.  It is an organization which collects the stories of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) Africans.

The post LGBTI Africans share their real life coming out stories appeared first on Gay Star News.

Jack Flanagan

www.gaystarnews.com/article/lgbti-africans-share-their-real-life-coming-out-stories/

Weekend News Brief: Dallas, Twin Peaks, Shia LaBeouf, Michael Savage

> Disgruntled patron likely responsible for vandalism at three gay bars in Dallas, police say.

> Texas Latino Gay Pride draws hundreds in Dallas.

> Shia LaBeouf arrested in Austin, Texas: “Austin police confirmed to KVUE LaBeouf was arrested for public intoxication near the corner of Sixth and San Jacinto around 7:30 p.m. Friday after he allegedly attempted to cross against a “Don’t Walk” sign. Public intoxication is a misdemeanor charge.”

> Video leaks from Twin Peaks set, shows Agent Cooper and….Laura Palmer?

> Dear Black People: “Being black and gay is one of the most unique and undesired perspectives to have, but it’s mine. I have a problem with a community that I belong to, love and support choosing not to fully embrace me because I was born just as gay as I was black. It’s disheartening, but more than anything it’s confusing. Rather than our struggles separating us, they should be a source of unification.”

> California will automatically register millions of voters: “Starting in 2016, every eligible California citizen who goes to a DMV office to get a driver’s license or renew one will be instantly registered to vote, unless he or she chooses to opt out.”

> Michael Savage says the Democratic party is ‘political AIDS‘: Savage claimed that it is the “radical, sick feminists” and “racists” who hate white people that are inflicting this liberal “sickness” on the nation. “This is a nation that is the deep throws of illness,” Savage explained. “It would be too easy to call it a mental illness… I’ve redefined the illness America’s suffering from as an autoimmune disease. America is suffering from what is the equivalent of political AIDS.” Savage went on to clarify that the virus invading the country and “destroying it from within” is the “Democrat Socialist Party.”

> World’s hottest Math Teacher Pietro Boselli visits Sicily:

The post Weekend News Brief: Dallas, Twin Peaks, Shia LaBeouf, Michael Savage appeared first on Towleroad.

Andy Towle

Weekend News Brief: Dallas, Twin Peaks, Shia LaBeouf, Michael Savage

WATCH: New York’s Bravest Share Their Strength for Coming Out Day

The Fire Department of New York teamed up with the It Gets Better Project to release an emotional video featuring LGBT members of the force, just in time for National Coming Out Day. 

“As Firefighters, Paramedics and EMTs in the most diverse city in the world, FDNY members have the tremendous opportunity to inspire young people through their brave work every single day,” said Fire Commissioner Daniel Nigro in a statement issued along with the seven-minute clip. “Through this video, they deliver an important message to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning youth around the world — it absolutely does get better.”

“When the pain of where you’re at is stronger than the fear of where you’re going, you move forward,” says firefighter Luke Allen in the video. “When I came out, I kind of channelled that; I said, OK, I am the other. I’d rather be the other than the cookie-cutter.”

Several of those featured in the video speak candidly about fears they faced surrounding coming out at work, especially since some members arrived at FDNY after serving in the military. 

“Being able to embrace who you are, and say, ‘This is me, I’m not changing for anyone, I love who I am,’ is such a powerful, empowering experience,” explains Lt. Victor Berrios. “I was so uncomfortable for my first six months on the job, thinking ‘I have to maintain this facade, I have to maintain this facade.’ And then one day, someone just looked at me, and said, ‘What are you doing?’”

“The guys were worried, you know,” recalls Allen. “They didn’t know what to expect. But after some time, they realized I wasn’t much different from themselves.”

“What people care about here is whether you can do your job, and whether you can apply yourself and be about giving yourself to other people,” says paramedic Samantha Wilding. “I’m not your queer paramedic, I’m not your tall paramedic. I’m not your female paramedic. I’m your paramedic.” 

The video features 12 LGBT members of New York’s Bravest, including the city’s first out trans firefighter, Brooke Guinan, candidly share the fear they felt coming to terms with their identities, then pivot the discussion to offer hope and inspiration for those still living in the shadows. 

“I think, if anything, I’m a better firefighter, a more compassionate public servant because of the experiences that I’ve gone through,” says Guinan, who transitioned on the job. 

At the video’s halfway point, it takes a somber but important turn, as the firefighters, paramedics, and chaplains discuss their own personal struggles with depression and suicide. 

“My 16th birthday was probably the closest I’ve ever come to suicide,” says Lt. Berrios. 

“And I remember, very clearly, just not seeing a future for myself,” says Ann Kansfield, FDNY’s first female (and lesbian) chaplain. “Or at least not a future that involved happiness or peace. … Had I ended it, I would have missed so many wonderful things in my life. So since that time, I’ve found a really healthy relationship with someone I truly love and I’m incredibly grateful to be married to. And we have really delightful children, and I have a healthy relationship with my parents, and a really fulfilling career, and I never, ever would have imagined it in that instance.”

Watch the powerful video below. 

Sunnivie Brydum

www.advocate.com/pride/2015/10/11/watch-new-yorks-bravest-share-their-strength-coming-out-day

Why I came out to my parents via email

Even as a young girl, just as certainly as I imagined my future wedding day in vivid color, I knew my grown-up life would contain another, less enjoyable milestone: the awkward ‘coming out to your parents’ conversation.

Today, as my Twitter feed buzzes with mentions of the #NationalComingOutDay hashtag, I imagine teenagers across the country steadying themselves for this very moment, their minds churning for months, if not years, at the thought of turning their parents’ lives upside-down over Sunday lunch.

Like thousands of others, before I came out I was petrified by the formality of sitting my family down and sharing what I believed to be HUGE NEWS with them.

And I just couldn’t face it. The thought of being confronted with my parents’ sadness and anger was too much to bear, so I kept my secret to myself for eight miserable years.

Nowadays, I’m frequently inspired by interesting and innovative coming out stories – from posting a message on Tumblr, to sharing a snap of a ‘coming out cake’, or uploading a poignant video to YouTube. But even though it wasn’t all that long ago, these platforms weren’t around to help me share my story.

As National Coming Out Day came round again in 2010, I knew it was time to do something after being firmly stuck in the closet throughout my teenage years.

So I bit the bullet, and carefully crafted an email.

Perhaps it was a cowardly choice to avoid a face-to-face discussion. Maybe it was unfair to spring my news on my parents as they casually did their online shopping. I’ll never really know how they reacted when they read the words on the page.

But to this day, I stand by my decision. With hindsight, I realise much of the anxiety around sharing the news was around the method of telling them, rather than the ‘coming out’ itself.

I was able to detail my feelings honestly, and they were able to digest the information in their own time. In taking the stress away from the conversation, my parents and I were able to discuss the implications of my sexuality without any extra emotional baggage.

Once the ice was broken, having the conversation face to face was much, much less daunting. In fact, their reaction was so uncontroversial that I barely remember what happened when we spoke about it in person.

As far as I know, it went a little something like: ‘Thanks for telling us. We love you unconditionally. By the way, your car’s passed its MOT.’ Much less hideous than the sobbing, wall-punching, soap opera saga I had envisaged playing out in my imaginary face-to-face coming out conversations.

I feel closer to my parents now than I ever have, because I was able to be honest – all the more honest, in fact, because I chose a ‘coming out’ method that felt the most authentic to me, even if it was through the medium of Hotmail rather than a deep chat.

The message I sent is below:

Dear Mum and Dad,

Sorry this is a little out of the blue, and sorry it’s via email. I’ve literally decided to do this on a whim because life isn’t a rehearsal and I felt the need to be open about this.

I’m not straight. I don’t want to put too fine a label on it, but if we’re labelling things I’d probably say I was bisexual.

You most likely already know, and I’ve known for years, but I’ve come to terms with it now and felt the need to say something because it’s starting to frustrate me that I’m not being honest. To be fair, the intimate details of my sex life are most probably not interesting to you (they’re not really interesting to me either at the moment), so there hasn’t been any need to say anything because it’s nobody’s business but mine. 

I’m still exactly the same person, and I have the same goals and dreams, and I’ve never been dishonest about any of them. I’ve not even really been dishonest about this either – it’s not as if I’ve had secret women queuing up to date me or anything like that.

I’m hoping I’ve judged this right, and you won’t feel upset, but I just couldn’t face having a cringe chat about it – it’s not as if I need to sit you down and say “Mum, Dad, I might in the future sleep with a man.” So I didn’t feel the need to do that just because the possibility of sleeping with a woman is also open to me. The way I see it is that I’m not attracted to men or women, but people and personalities. I’m gradually learning to be less apologetic about it, and I think the first step to doing this is to mention it to you.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s about as important to my personality as a whole as whether I drink coffee or tea – I drink both, and I don’t have to broadcast it to anyone or sit my family down and tell them in a cringe “coming out” situation. I appreciate it might be more of an issue for you so if you want a cringe dinner I can happily oblige. But I’ve just been building it up in my head as a massive deal so having a “sit down and talk about it” kind of conversation really makes me feel awkward. I’m happy to do that, but I’d rather send this first.

I think I’m just trying to affirm that my personality still remains and isn’t really affirmed in any massive way by who I choose to sleep with, because ultimately, for me, it is a choice. I’m not “unsure”, it’s not a case of “bi now, gay later”, it really is just dependent on the person.

I’m really sorry if you’re not OK with this, and I’m sorry if the way I’ve gone about this hasn’t been the most helpful, but maybe we can sort something out once you’ve digested this. I don’t know how much digesting it’ll take. It took me 8 years to come to terms with it, so I don’t blame you if it takes a while. It’s not a big deal to me so I hope it’s not a big deal to you either.

Lots of love xxxx

The post Why I came out to my parents via email appeared first on Gay Star News.

Mel Spencer

www.gaystarnews.com/article/why-i-came-out-to-my-parents-via-email/

WATCH: ‘Gays In Prison’ Features Story Of Drag Star Latrice Royale

RuPaul’s Drag Race star Latrice Royale (aka Timothy Wilcots) is finally opening up about his time in prison in Rogue Culture Productions’ Gays in Prison, a documentary on the stories of incarcerated GBT people airing on Logo.

Wilcots briefly revealed that he had gone to prison on his season of RPDR but chose not to elaborate further. Now Wilcots and other GBT inmates are openly sharing their stories on dealing with the harshness of prison, from avoiding violence and sexual assaults from fellow inmates to maintaining their identity within the walls of the prison.

Watch Wilcots and other GBT inmates share their stories:

The post WATCH: ‘Gays In Prison’ Features Story Of Drag Star Latrice Royale appeared first on Towleroad.

Anthony Costello

WATCH: ‘Gays In Prison’ Features Story Of Drag Star Latrice Royale

US group points to LGBT leaders to watch out for

Predicting the future is never  smart, but when it comes to LGBTI leadership the community has a wealth of talent. To celebrate National Coming Out Day, the National Black Justice Coalition launched a a site called 100 to Watch.

‘I am filled with hope and excitement for our community’s future,’ Sharon Lettman-Hicks, NBJC’s executive director and CEO, said in a statement. ‘They aren’t waiting for the torch to be passed to start speaking truth to power; they’re making waves right now to build a better community, nation and world.’

Those listed range in age from 18 to 30 and are found in the halls of power, from politics to entertainment. There is Monique Dorsainvil, who works in the White House as the  director of planning and events for the Office of Public Engagement and the Office of Intergovernmental Affairs.

Make sure to check out Vanessa Newman. The poet is the founder and CEO of Butchbaby & Co, a gender neutral wear line for the pregnant.

Actually look at everyone on the list. You’ll be inspired. And proud.

The post US group points to LGBT leaders to watch out for appeared first on Gay Star News.

James Withers

www.gaystarnews.com/article/us-group-points-to-lgbt-leaders-to-watch-out-for/

NYC Fire Dept. Says ‘It Gets Better’ for National Coming Out Day: WATCH

The NYC Fire Department (FDNY) has released its first-ever ‘It Gets Better’ video in observance of today’s National Coming Out Day.

12 active FDNY Firefighters, Paramedics, and EMTs discuss challenges they have faced in their lives and the success they have found both as adults, and as members of New York’s Bravest in the clip, produced by the FDNY.

Said Fire Commissioner Daniel A. Nigro: “As Firefighters, Paramedics and EMTs in the most diverse city in the world, FDNY members have the tremendous opportunity to inspire young people through their brave work every single day. Through this video, they deliver an important message to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning youth around the world – it absolutely does get better.”

Said Brett M. Peters, Director of Communications for the It Gets Better Project: “With their It Gets Better video, the brave men and women of the FDNY have made a powerful statement in support of LGBT youth. By fostering such a welcoming community in the workplace, the FDNY is helping lead the way in encouraging LGBT young people to be whoever they want to be.”

Watch:

Founded in 2010 by Dan Savage and Terry Miller, the It Gets Better Project is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that uses all forms of media and engagement to reach LGBT youth worldwide in order to provide critical support and hope that life indeed gets better.

The post NYC Fire Dept. Says ‘It Gets Better’ for National Coming Out Day: WATCH appeared first on Towleroad.

Andy Towle

NYC Fire Dept. Says ‘It Gets Better’ for National Coming Out Day: WATCH

Andy Cohen And His Parents Share His Coming Out Story

Andy Cohen marked National Coming Out Day by interviewing his parents, Ev and Lou, on SiriusXM’s “Andy Radio” this weekend. On the debut installment of “Free Advice with Ev & Lou Cohen,” the Cohens looked back at what happened when Andy first identified as gay. 

The Bravo TV personality, 47, turned introspective in the interview as his mother recalled suspecting her son might be gay after she saw him performing in the musical “Carousel.” Later, she uncovered gay porn under Andy’s bed and an emotional letter in which he’d opened up about his sexuality to a friend. 

Eventually, Ev confronted Andy, but asked her son to say the words out loud, “because that made it real.” 

Pointing to Andy’s “dramatic” female friends, she joked, “I never would’ve liked your wife anyway.” 

Later in the interview, Ev Cohen revealed she had a difficult time accepting her son’s sexuality for about six months after he came out, and sought help from a psychiatrist. 

“It was 1989, and everybody — all these young men — were dying of AIDS, and I was worried you were gonna get AIDS,” she told Andy. “I had to mourn my expectations that you’d get married, that you’d have children. At that time, those were not possible.”

A good friend’s words quickly changed her mind, however, and Ev has been supportive of her son, as well as active in the gay community, ever since. 

Also on HuffPost: 

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