The Naked Truth: How Stripping Down Built My Self-Confidence

The Naked Truth: How Stripping Down Built My Self-Confidence
In my first foray into the world of Folsom Street East (the largest fetish block party on the East Coast) I didn’t know what to expect. A friend of mine had asked me to go with him. Upon our arrival, one of the first tents we encountered was of the Visual AIDS — an organization that utilizes art to provoke dialogue and supports HIV+ artists. A (very) handsome semi-naked man greeted us cheerfully and invited us to support the cause; “Do you want to take a polaroid for Benjamin’s project?” I was in for the thrill of the ride and had promised myself I would let whatever happened, happen. We signed a waiver (which we didn’t read) and as we headed down the cue my friend started stripping down. Was there a memo I never got? We were in the middle of the street in broad daylight.

2015-08-13-1439433981-5992932-IMG_2627.JPG

Being naked in public was basically my worst fear, coming to life. “well, if you can go surfing, you can get naked in front of hundreds of people, it’ll be a nice test!” — I figured. I took my clothes off, leaving on only the skimpy jockstraps I was wearing. Onlookers immediately complimented me for keeping it classic and not branching out with one of those more recent colorful designs. “wow, the real sports jock, that’s hot!” Parents and their young children walked by as I laid my clothes down on the foldable table; it was all vonnegutesque.

I had never experienced such freedom. I had never felt so proud about myself, my sexuality and my body, no matter how imperfect it is. Believe me, I was still petrified but somehow, it clicked. I was finally able to accept my body image for what it is. I felt I could stop comparing myself to all the hot bodies I see in the gym, or the porn stars in the movies that everyone watches, but no one cares to admit. I felt like one of them, not apart from them. There was nothing so terrible about my figure. No, I don’t have a six pack, yes there are muffin tops (perhaps from eating too many muffins) and my hair doesn’t always have the perfect wave, but that’s all me.

On my walk home I wondered: do these so to speak “hot bodies” feel 100% confident about themselves? Or do they too sometimes look at people like me and find something they would like to have? Do they also compare and despair?

After turning down a couple of post-Folsom festivities (the polaroid shot was enough of a thrill) I could not stop thinking of how fun it was to let go of all my fears for that moment, to be (semi) naked in front of other people. I thought about Nodeth Vang, a photographer who had once asked if I would pose for him. “I love your hair and how you look in your apartment” he said. I sent him a message; he was thrilled to hear from me. We set a date for our photoshoot. This was an opportunity to see myself as others see me. I wanted to discover how I looked on camera. No, I wanted to find out how I looked naked, on camera. I needed to know whether all my self-criticism was a reality or a fantasy.

I will tell you that the photoshoot was one of the most exciting and sensual experiences I had ever been in. I was in love with myself and my body for the first time in my life. I was completely comfortable naked in whatever scenario imaginable.

A few weeks passed and I received an email from the artist from Folsom, Benjamin Fredrickson. I recalled he was a very sweet guy, talented too; “a real artist” I thought. His work had been shown in museums and art galleries, there was nothing gauche about it. Benjamin sent the polaroid from the fair to my friend and I. We were both happy with the result. The picture was adorable, not at all sleazy (as it could have been) and it absolutely captured our friendship and our relationship: two grown men who deeply cared (and perhaps had the hots) for each other. In the email, he ended with “if you would like to pose for another portrait, don’t hesitate to contact”. So I did.

Benjamin and I met for coffee one afternoon after work, we talked for over an hour and shared so many interests. He was definitely not a pervert, I felt safe. We set a date and time for our shoot, shook hands and went our separate ways. I couldn’t wait to contribute with him as an artist. I wanted to understand what different interpretations might arise from different shoots and artistic visions. Moreover, I wanted to feel that same thrill I’d felt before.

2015-08-17-1439852685-4228319-ScreenShot20150817at6.56.13PM.png

What happened for me that day was cathartic, I learned to let go of all the shame I had been carrying since my years as a fat kid, and just have fun. Benjamin put me in the most unexpected positions; I simply followed his lead. He told me to bend over, push my ass up, bend my legs over my head, stand up, sit down… I did it all! I felt complete serenity and connected with what those models must have felt when posing for Picasso. There is a connection that occurs, a fire that sparks in the eye of the artist and the way he thinks and interprets your beauty is so personal and unique to him. That is what I wanted to see in the film. At that moment I had no judgement; at that moment I was certain I would never feel ashamed of what I was doing. Whether those images ended in a magazine or an art show, it all made sense to me. At that moment I finally understood the difference between nudity for art and pornography. I know, this could unleash a long drawn-out conversation, but in my head it became simple and neither are bad or wrong — they simply are.

The last five years of my life have been all about self-acceptance and discovery, I’ve done things I never believed were possible. I learned surfing, I jumped from the top of a waterfall, I wrote a screenplay and I fell in love. Twice. Loving myself and my body, as it is, was probably my last threshold. I am happy to say I crossed it and will hopefully never go back again. First, I had to come out of the closet, then, I had to be accepted by my gay peers and live up to unrealistic beauty standards. Most of those standards however, lived in my head. Today all I want is to be real and happy. We are all different from each other, there is definitely room for everyone.

Follow Gabriel on Twitter and Instagram or visit his website.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.



feeds.huffingtonpost.com/c/35496/f/677065/s/4927f61b/sc/38/l/0L0Shuffingtonpost0N0Cgabriel0Eruas0Esantos0Erocha0Cthe0Enaked0Etruth0Ehow0Estrip0Ib0I7980A3260Bhtml0Dutm0Ihp0Iref0Fgay0Evoices0Gir0FGay0KVoices/story01.htm

Anti-gay marriage advocate Josh Duggar admits allegations about him cheating on his wife are true

Anti-gay marriage advocate Josh Duggar admits allegations about him cheating on his wife are true

Josh Duggar was speaking out against the right for same-sex couples to get married while he was cheating on his own wife.

The former executive director of the lobbying arm of the anti-gay Family Research Council issued a statement Thursday (21 August) admitting infidelity. This comes amid reports that he had an account with the website Ashley Madison which specializes in facilitating extramarital affairs.

‘I have been the biggest hypocrite ever,’ Duggar stated. ‘While espousing faith and family values, I have secretly over the last several years been viewing pornography on the internet and this became a secret addiction and I became unfaithful to my wife.

‘I am so ashamed of the double life that I have been living and am grieved for the hurt, pain and disgrace my sin has caused my wife and family, and most of all Jesus and all those who profess faith in Him.’

Duggar is one of the members of the evangelical Christian family that stars in the now-cancelled TLC reality series 19 Kids and Counting. He is one of the 19 children of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and a married father of three.

It’s the second scandal Duggar has been involved with this year.

In May, he admitted to sexually abusing five young girls, including some of his sisters, when he was a teenager.

This resulted in his family’s TV show being cancelled and to Duggar resigning from the Family Research Council which advocates and lobbies for socially conservative policies and opposes and lobbies against LGBTI rights such as same-sex marriage and adoption.

Duggar had one of the most visible positions and in May had posted photos on social media of himself with Republican presidential hopefuls Mike Huckabee and Scott Walker. In 2010, the Southern Poverty Law Center classified the FRC as an anti-gay hate group.

‘The last few years, while publicly stating I was fighting against immorality in our country, I was hiding my own personal failings,’ he stated. ‘As I am learning the hard way, we have the freedom to choose to our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences. I deeply regret all hurt I have caused so many by being such a bad example.’

The post Anti-gay marriage advocate Josh Duggar admits allegations about him cheating on his wife are true appeared first on Gay Star News.

Greg Hernandez

www.gaystarnews.com/article/anti-gay-marriage-advocate-josh-duggar-admits-allegations-about-him-cheating-on-his-wife-are-true/

See Inside ‘Dismaland,’ Banksy’s Unhappiest Place On Earth

See Inside ‘Dismaland,’ Banksy’s Unhappiest Place On Earth

Screen Shot 2015-08-20 at 12.31.56 PM

Certain gays have rather strong ties to all things Disney — we’ve certainly seen more than a few Disney-inspired gay creations on Queerty:

All Your Childhood Disney Classics Have Been Outed On Grindr

PHOTOS: Half-Naked Men Crash Your Favorite Disney Movies

Artist Paints A Whole New World Where Every Disney Character Is Queer, And It’s Awesome

So for all you Maleficent loving, Ursula obsessed queens out there, how do you feel about Banksy’s new installation?

Dismaland may have a few familiar characters, but Banksy’s trademark dark humor and unapologetic focus on the uglier side of global commerce definitely give the place an uncomfortable if not fascinating vibe.

The park opens to the public Saturday and sits on the 2.5 acre site of the U.K.’s Tropicana lido, and is described as “a festival of art, amusements, and entry level anarchism.”

Check it out below:

Banksy’s Dismaland features migrant boats, dead princesses and the artist’s trademark dark humour.Krishnan Guru Murthy went to see the family theme park described as “unsuitable for young children.” www.channel4.com/news/dismaland-banksy-bemusement-park-shocking-funny-extraordinary

Posted by Channel 4 News on Thursday, August 20, 2015

Dan Tracer

feedproxy.google.com/~r/queerty2/~3/3O5WaXnarwI/see-inside-dismaland-banksys-unhappiest-place-on-earth-20150820

News: Johnny Depp, #BlackLivesMatter, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, The Martian

News: Johnny Depp, #BlackLivesMatter, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, The Martian

> Five times Josh Duggar attacked gay marriage as a threat to families.

dior> Johnny Depp shows off some smolder for Dior’s new fragrance Sauvage.

> Social Security Administration says it will retroactively apply the Obergefell ruling to spousal benefits.

> Over 130 civil rights groups ask Obama to end Bush-era exemptions from nondiscrimination laws for religious groups seeking federal grants.

> Inside the State Department’s fight for the rights of gay envoys.

> Aboriginal leaders in Australia is petition against same-sex marriage.

> Family of #BlackLivesMatter activist Shaun White tell CNN he’s white.

> First photos of Lady Gaga on the set of American Horror Story: Hotel.

huckabee> Mike Huckabee has a very Mike Huckabee trip to Israel.

> Barney Frank on how gay marriage is like legalizing pot. “Today, with tens of millions of people living where marijuana use is legal, there is still no coherent narrative that demonstrates that society suffers. Opponents are where the same-sex marriage opponents were a few years ago—arguing that personal choices that affect only those who indulge are so offensive to non-users that they should be outlawed.”

> Wyoming judicial panel investigating a local magistrate who was quoted saying she wouldn’t perform same-sex marriages.

> Turns out feaux-candidate Deez Nuts, who is polling 9% in North Carolina against Trump and Clinton, is pro-gay marriage.

> Zac Efron is working hard promoting We Are Your Friends.

> Everybody is freaking out over Jennifer Aniston’s wedding band.

> Joseph Gordon-Levitt is now a daddy.

martian> Why NASA helped Ridley Scot create The Martian. “If you want to understand why it is that NASA loves The Martian and is so gung ho for this movie, you have to realize that this movie more or less presents exactly their future vision, minus all the drama.”

> Meet the young leader competing to be the first openly gay man in space.

> Check out this graph of the most surprising and disappointing TV series finales ever.

> Jimmy Carter says cancer has spread to his brain.

> Donald Trump leads Jeb Bush in Florida.

> Movie stars and athletes say #BlackLivesMatter means stopping the spread of HIV.

> EasyJet passenger tasered in London after dispute over carry-on “man purse.”

The post News: Johnny Depp, #BlackLivesMatter, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, The Martian appeared first on Towleroad.


Kyler Geoffroy

News: Johnny Depp, #BlackLivesMatter, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, The Martian

Here Are The First Photos Of Lady Gaga On The 'American Horror Story: Hotel' Set

Here Are The First Photos Of Lady Gaga On The 'American Horror Story: Hotel' Set

We finally have our first look at Lady Gaga‘s character on the set of  “American Horror Story: Hotel,” and she looks pretty Gaga-esque.

Gaga’s Elizabeth, the Countess and owner of Season 5’s Hotel Cortez, was spotted filming on location for the series on Wednesday night outside of the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA). Wearing a red caped gown and the metal arm piece from the first “Hotel” teaser, Gaga walks through Chris Burden’s street lamp sculpture at the Wilshire Boulevard entrance to the museum as some sort of black tie party takes place around her.

A fan also uploaded a video to YouTube of Mother Monster entering the sculpture to the music of Dinah Washington’s “Coquette.”

So what could it all mean? For starters, the footage left some fans on Reddit perplexed as they theorized whether or not “Hotel” will be set in the present day. Although FX President John Landgraf previously said it’s his “hope” that Season 5 takes place in the modern day, the network has yet to reveal exactly what era the show will be in. But this new footage could give us some clues.

Burden’s sculpture “Urban Light” was installed outside the museum in 2008. If “Hotel” is acknowledging the piece’s real-life location at LACMA, then we can expect at least some episodes to take place sometime between ’08 and today. But, Ryan Murphy also might be using the sculpture to reference the era of them lamps themselves. Burden’s piece is made up of restored cast iron street lamps from the 1920s and ’30s. Could it also take place then?

One thing we can guess is that “Hotel” will likely flash to the years 1989 or 1990 when Aileen Wuornos murdered several menLily Rabe will portray the infamous serial killer this season. Knowing Murphy’s style though, “Hotel” will probably jump between a variety of eras.

“American Horror Story: Hotel” premieres on Oct. 7 on FX.

Also on HuffPost:

For a constant stream of entertainment news and discussion, follow HuffPost Entertainment on Viber.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.



feeds.huffingtonpost.com/c/35496/f/677065/s/492747f3/sc/38/l/0L0Shuffingtonpost0N0C20A150C0A80C20A0Cfirst0Ephotos0Elady0Egaga0Eamerican0Ehorror0Estory0Ehotel0In0I80A1670A20Bhtml0Dutm0Ihp0Iref0Fgay0Evoices0Gir0FGay0KVoices/story01.htm

Two Hunky Brits Share A Kiss Before Doing The Dumbest Thing You Will Ever See

Two Hunky Brits Share A Kiss Before Doing The Dumbest Thing You Will Ever See

Screen Shot 2015-08-20 at 10.22.59 AM

There are many words that come to mind to describe this group of British pals — stupid, belligerent and beefy to name a few.

But hey, at least they aren’t homophobic? Is that progress? We’re not really sure.

Related: Straight Man Unsure About His Buddy’s Shower Room Butt-Slapping Antics

What we are sure about, however, is this is unquestionably the dumbest thing you will see today:

We have pretty, we have stupid, and then we have pretty stupid.Have you ever seen a hot guy or girl working at McDonalds? This is why.

Posted by Abel MacBerry on Monday, June 29, 2015

Dan Tracer

feedproxy.google.com/~r/queerty2/~3/phbdBMxMHEE/two-hunky-brits-share-a-kiss-before-doing-the-dumbest-thing-you-will-ever-see-20150820

Morrissey Says He Was Ass-Fingered by the TSA, Calls Suicide ‘Admirable’ in Larry King Interview: WATCH

Morrissey Says He Was Ass-Fingered by the TSA, Calls Suicide ‘Admirable’ in Larry King Interview: WATCH

Morrissey

Morrissey sat down with Larry King on ORA TV for his first in-person interview in nearly a decade, and offered his uniquely Morrissey opinion on a wide variety of topics.

On politics, Morrissey calls the current crop of Republicans “insane” and believes the country is ready for Hillary Clinton. He discusses his criticism of President Obama and believes Obama has not helped the Black community in America because he has not given enough attention to issues like Ferguson.

Says Morrissey: “Obama, is he white inside? It’s a very logical question. But I think he probably is.”

The former Smiths frontman also tells King how much he hates the music industry, calling it “brutal.”

“Because music appears to be dying and people have found other things to do. I think that the major labels want to grab as much as they can as quickly as possible so therefore they just watch those horrible talent show things with those small children and they sign them and make quick money…It’s only, only about marketing.”

Morrissey also discusses his ongoing battle with depression and though he has never considered it, calls those who commit suicide over their depression “admirable”. He talks about being diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus and says he occasionally has it ‘scraped’ for treatment.

On depression, he says:

“I’ve had it for many years. I refer to it as the ‘black dog’. It doesn’t go away. It’s usually the very first thing when you wake up, there is no cure, and I think it’s part of being a sensitive, open human. I don’t [take medication], I’ve been through everything, it’s pointless. It’s a frame of mind, a state of mind, it’s circumstantial…[Suicide] crosses everyone’s mind…they think about just disappearing, and having enough, and many people do. Just taking control and saying no more, no more of this silliness. And it’s admirable.”

Last month Morrissey also made news for being groped by TSA agents and accused them of assault. He doesn’t think anything will come of it.

“He put his finger down my rear cleavage,” says Moz. “I had been through the full scanner and the second bit, but then he went straight for my private bits and then he put his finger down my rear cleavage.”

Watch all the clips below.

On politics:

On depression:

On cancer:

On the ‘brutal’ music business:

On his TSA groping incident:

The post Morrissey Says He Was Ass-Fingered by the TSA, Calls Suicide ‘Admirable’ in Larry King Interview: WATCH appeared first on Towleroad.


Andy Towle

Morrissey Says He Was Ass-Fingered by the TSA, Calls Suicide ‘Admirable’ in Larry King Interview: WATCH