Dear Facebook: Chef Rossi Is My Name
Seven years ago, lots of my pals were on Facebook. They’d Facebook what they were having for breakfast, what movie they just watched, whether their cappuccino had enough foam. There was something mildly horrifying to me about announcing to the Internet the minutiae of your everyday life.

My girlfriend at the time, Jay, demanded that I join the modern age.

“You are a writer. You simply have to be on Facebook!”

“First we need your Facebook name.”

That only name I’d used since high school was Rossi. In my anything but gay-friendly high school, with my homophobic parents, realizing I wasn’t heterosexual needed a little UMPH. Anointing myself “Rossi” was my battle cry.

But it always came with a problem, “What is your last name?”

I didn’t have one, didn’t want one. There was Cher, (later on Madonna) and Rossi. But businesses wanted two names. My gym memberships had me as The Rossi. My problem was solved the moment I started cooking professionally decades ago. Chef Rossi.

Within minutes of Jay helping me to sign up, my Chef Rossi message box was full. Friend requests came pouring in from people I knew and a lot of people who I had only met once if at all.

“Do I have to say ‘yes’ to everyone? Will I hurt their feelings if I say ‘no’?”

I took to Facebook gingerly. Rarely posted. Rarely read other people’s posts.

A few years ago, a pal of mine called to let me know how hurt he was that I did not call him when his father died.

“How would I know your dad died?” I asked.

“I posted it on Facebook!”

I realized that while I was hesitant to get sucked into the Facebook vortex, most of my friends were not. Birthdays, births, deaths, new jobs, new loves. They posted it all on Facebook.

I began to check in more often.

It reminded me of when I was a teenager and decided to smoke just a few cigarettes a day.

Two puffs later, and I was on Twitter and Instagram, but satisfying as the “Likes” next to my food photographs on Instagram and the “faves” next to my two liners on Twitter were, nothing felt as nourishing as the comments on Facebook. It was addictive to say the least.

I discovered that with one tap of a button I could share my blog posts on Facebook.

“Awesome!”

“Hilarious!”

Their comments made me want to write all the more.

My friend list grew each day.

The cousin of a friend of my ex-girlfriend? Why not be friends?

When my memoir was finally getting published, I shouted it on Facebook.

I went away for the weekend with my girlfriend of five years, Lydia. (Don’t worry; Jay and I stayed friends. After all, she’d given me a lot; she gave me Facebook.)

When I got home, I decided to crawl up with my laptop and see what my Facebook gang had to say.

I tried to log in but instead got this eerie message.

“Hi,

It looks like the name on your Facebook account may not be your authentic name. We ask everyone to use the name they go by in real life so friends know who they’re connecting with.

If the name on your account is already the name you use in everyday life, we would like to work with you to verify that this name best represents your identity.”

Facebook was demanding that I prove that Chef Rossi was my name?!

I looked at the long list of items they said might prove this, driver’s license, passport?

Who has Chef Rossi on their passport?

The second list included utility bills and bank statements. It was then that I grew worried that this was all some sort of scary hack.

So I wrote to Facebook and asked them if I’d been phished or if this was for real.

The next morning, I got the message.

“Hi,

We need to verify your identity before we can assist with your request.”

It was not a hack.

Until I could prove Chef Rossi was my authentic name I was locked out of Facebook, and if I didn’t prove it soon, I was going to be locked out forever.

I tore apart my apartment for documents I scanned and sent to them. Thirty years of press clippings, utility bills, my book cover, legal documents, copies of my check book, all saying the same thing: I am Rossi, aka Chef Rossi.

The next morning, I woke with my heart beating in my throat and grabbed the laptop, praying my Facebook nightmare was over and instead got this message.

“Hi,

Thanks for contacting us. At this time, we can’t verify your name.”

Over the next 72 hours I sent them an arsenal of documentation.

I still got the notices from friends about all the great things they were up to on Facebook in my email, but when I tried to click on them, I was locked out.

I remember the way I felt after my first great love and I broke up. Those first mornings I would open my eyes ready to take on the world and then it would hit me like a punch in the stomach; she was gone. It was like re-learning how to start my day.

Strange as it is to say, the lock out from Facebook felt eerily similar. Each morning I would awaken hours earlier than usual with a knot in my stomach. There was a whole world of buzzing activities happening with my pals that I was no longer a part of.

How would my FB friends even know when my book launch was happening? Would they miss me?

My Facebook joy button was gone.

“It’s happening to a lot of people in the transgender community who don’t use their born name,” one pal told me.

“It’s been like an attack on drag queens!” another pal told me.

“You may have to join using your born name,” my best gal pal told me.

“I’d rather never sign on to Facebook again!” I announced.

It wasn’t like I had a terrible birth name. It even sounded like the name a movie star might have. But it was a name given to a little girl who was sent for psychological evaluation for gender confusion. It was the name of a tween who was spit on because she was different. It was a name given to a teenager who was shipped off to live with Chasidic Jews because she was a lesbian.

Rossi has cheered from atop floats in the Gay Pride parade. Rossi has marched screaming, “We’re here, we’re queer! Get used to it!”

Rossi is nobody’s victim.

Chef Rossi is New York City’s wildest caterer, author, writer, blogger, radio host and outspoken kvetching yenta from hell!

No one ever asked me to prove I was Chef Rossi. Who else could this loud mouth, rabble-rouser be, but me?!

My girlfriend was so worried about my sanity that she signed on to Facebook to let me dictate a post announcing to our mutual pals what had happened.

A writer pal gave me the password for her own Facebook account. “Maybe this will help get you thru this,” she said.

I sent Facebook another arsenal of ME.

“Hi,

Until we receive an accepted form of ID that matches the information listed on the account we won’t be able to respond to this case or assist you further. This decision is final.”

A pal of mine suggested I write to them.

“Don’t give up without a fight!”

I had nothing left to send unless they wanted a vial of my blood. I was perfectly willing to send that too.

“Dear Facebook
I do believe from my experience using my AUTHENTIC name of Chef Rossi for 35 years that this is a clear case of “LGBT Discrimination.”

My born name comes with a history of anti-gay abuse and involuntary conversion therapy.

Many LGBT people suffer from this Facebook policy.

As we are about to enter Gay Pride in NYC, is this really the message Facebook wants to send out?

I feel I am living in a Facebook nightmare.

Please resolve this!”

With that, I walked away from Facebook.

Gay Pride was coming.

I would let my pals know what I had written the old-fashioned way, with phone calls emails, and yeah, on Twitter, too.

In the midst of ordering five hundred pounds of ice for a wedding I was catering, a pal emailed, “Rossi you are back up!”

There it was like a gift from the heavens.

“Hi Chef,

Thanks for verifying your identity. We’ve unlocked your account, and you should now be able to log back in. We’re sorry for the inconvenience.”

Just like that I was back on.

I got a congratulatory text from my publisher letting me know that not only had I won my Facebook name war, but marriage equality had won its war with America.

I raced to the Joy Button.

“I can’t believe I am back on Facebook just in time to celebrate Gay Pride and marriage equality with you here today!! HAPPY Gay Pride NYC! Happy Gay Pride USA!! We have come a long way baby!”

I do not think Facebook meant their authentic name hunt to be anti-gay. I think the motive was to protect against hackers and impersonators.

Often good intentions leave unintended victims.

But it was time to celebrate.

Marriage equality became legal in all of the United States and a vivacious tomboy named Chef Rossi got to keep her name on Facebook.

Not a bad end to the week.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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Caitlyn Jenner’s conservative politics don’t go over well with other trans women

It surprised many when Caitlyn Jenner – in her final interview as Bruce – told Diane Saywer of ABC News that she is a Republican.

Since then, Jenner has emerged as probably the most famous transgender woman in the world and made clear her intention to do some good with her renewed fame.

On Sunday’s episode of the docu-series I Am Cait, Jenner found herself sounding very stereotypically Republican and at odds with a group of other transgender women while discussing the needs of their community during a road trip.

When one women suggests that trans people really need help securing entry level jobs, Jenner said: ‘Don’t a lot of times they can make more not working with social programs than they actually can with an entry-level job? … You don’t want people to get totally dependent on it. When they get in trouble, “Why should I work? I’ve got a few bucks. I’ve got my room paid for.”‘

Jenny Boylan, the first openly transgender co-chair of GLAAD’s National Board of Directors, was riding with Jenner and interjected with: ‘I’d say a great majority of the people who are getting help as they need help.’

Boylan later added some pointed remarks via voiceover: ‘Many transgender men and women need social programs to survive and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Living in the bubble is an impediment to understanding other people.

‘If Cait’s going to be a spokesperson for our community, this something she’s going to have to understand.’

The post Caitlyn Jenner’s conservative politics don’t go over well with other trans women appeared first on Gay Star News.

Greg Hernandez

www.gaystarnews.com/article/caitlyn-jenners-conservative-politics-dont-go-over-well-with-other-trans-women/

Broadway Hunk Matt Doyle Shows Audience His Diaphragm And Then Some

In light of Steve Grand’s recent tirade against Queerty for only ever featuring him in his underwear (or less), we will take the high road on this one as to avoid accusations of “slut-shaming.” (To quote Wet Hot American Summer: “I love sluts! Sluts rock! It’s just, you know, it’s just gotta be the right slut, you know?”)

And so, out of respect, we will not mention how adorable Broadway’s Matt Doyle looked when he got up on stage with The Skivvies in his — get this — skivvies. See what they did there?

Got it? We will not be bringing up Matt’s good-sported self-objectification in a tight pair of Calvin Klein boxer-briefs. Nor will we note his gym-toned body or washboard abs. The old Queerty might have gone there, but times have changed. We won’t bring up his adorable back-up ukulele player, either.

It’s all about the music.

Watch below, and avoid the temptation to call Matt sexy. We’re sure he wouldn’t want that.

What’s he singing, anyways? A boy band medley? OK, that’s pretty damn cute.

Watch below: 

Dan Tracer

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David Drake Reads Sean Strub’s Account of ACT UP Disrupting Mass In St. Patrick’s Cathedral From ‘Body Counts’ – LISTEN

Today we’re thrilled to feature the next in our TowleREAD reading series (sponsored by Audible), in which LGBT authors (and other authors, if they have relevant books) read excerpts from their works.

BODY COUNTS: A MEMOIR OF POLITICS, SEX, AIDS AND SURVIVAL by POZ Magazine founder Sean Strub. The story, narrated by actor/playwright/director David Drake, is “a captivating… eyewitness account from inside the AIDS epidemic” (Next) and “a moving, multi-decade memoir of one gay man’s life” (San Francisco Chronicle)

From the publisher’s description:

“When the AIDS epidemic hit in the early 1980s, Strub was living in New York and soon found himself attending “more funerals than birthday parties”. Scared and angry, he turned to radical activism to combat discrimination and demand research. Strub takes you through his own diagnosis and inside ACT UP, the organization that transformed a stigmatized cause into one of the defining political movements of our time.”

“From the New York of Studio 54 and Andy Warhol’s Factory to the intersection of politics and burgeoning LGBT and AIDS movements, Strub’s story crackles with history. [In this excerpt,] He recounts his role in shocking AIDS demonstrations at St. Patrick’s Cathedral as well as at the home of US Senator Jesse Helms. With an astonishing cast of characters, including Tennessee Williams, Gore Vidal, Keith Haring, Bill Clinton, and Yoko Ono, this is a vivid portrait of a tumultuous era.”

As part of its sponsorship of TowleREAD, Audible is offering a free download of Body Counts at Audible.com with a 30-Day Trial membership for Towleroad readers.

And check out this recent TowleREAD: Pilots Navigate Romance in Ensan Case’s Classic Gay World War II Novel ‘Wingmen’:LISTEN

 

The post David Drake Reads Sean Strub’s Account of ACT UP Disrupting Mass In St. Patrick’s Cathedral From ‘Body Counts’ – LISTEN appeared first on Towleroad.

Michael Goff

David Drake Reads Sean Strub’s Account of ACT UP Disrupting Mass In St. Patrick’s Cathedral From ‘Body Counts’ – LISTEN

Antigay Texas Attorney General Surrenders After Indictment

Some are feeling a sense of schadenfreude after antigay AG Ken Paxton was indicted for fraud.

read more

Neal Broverman

www.advocate.com/politics/politicians/2015/08/03/antigay-texas-attorney-general-surrenders-after-indictment

Obama On African Racism: 'I Have No Patience For It'

President Barack Obama criticized racism in Africa while speaking to a group of young African leaders in Washington, D.C., on Monday.   

“The notion that any African would discriminate against anybody because of the color of their skin, after what black people around the world have gone through, is crazy,” Obama said at the Young African Leaders Initiative summit, according to a White House pool report. “It is infuriating. And I have no patience for it.”

He also criticized gender-based discrimination, including practices like female genital mutilation and bride abduction, which are prevalent in some African countries.

Obama added that it was time to end prejudice against Africa’s LGBT community. “If you’re treating people differently just because of who they love and who they are, then there’s a connection between that mindset and the mindset that led to racism,” he said.

During a trip to Africa last month that included a visit to his father’s home country, Kenya, Obama said racism and violence against women “have no place in the 21st century.”

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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Leslie Jordan says he’d never been so scared in his life when he threw iced tea at homophobe

Leslie Jordan has become something of a tiny hero for standing up to a trio of homophobes at Starbucks in West Hollywood last week.

But the 4′ 11″ actor, an Emmy winner for Will & Grace, now admits he was plenty scared after throwing a glass of iced tea at a guy who had been hurling homophobic slurs while in line inside.

Jordan, a regular at the heavily-gay populated Starbucks, yelled at him and his friends to ‘Get out of my house!’ He then followed the trio out to deliver a lecture.

‘It was the (most) scared I’ve ever been in my life,’ he tells TMZ. ‘I tossed my tea and then pandemonium, mayhem. Ten cop cars.’

Police told Jordan he could file charges as a ‘hate crime; but they could probably come back and counter-charge since he ‘threw the first punch.’

‘I thought, “How butch!’ I threw the first punch,’ he says. ‘It was a glass of tea. But they were coming at me.’

‘These were kids. … Are they truly homophobic? Who knows? They can’t be using that language – not in my house, not in my neighborhood.’

Still, Jordan feels that he went too far in his attempts to scold the trio and turn the incident into a teachable moment.

‘My behavior was atrocious. I handled it badly, I should have let the cops – the minute it happened – just let the cops handle it.

‘We have to stir the pot but we have to do it without losing our temper.’

The post Leslie Jordan says he’d never been so scared in his life when he threw iced tea at homophobe appeared first on Gay Star News.

Greg Hernandez

www.gaystarnews.com/article/leslie-jordan-says-hed-never-been-so-scared-in-his-life-when-he-threw-iced-tea-at-homophobe/

Op-ed: Creating Transgender-Friendly and Inclusive Schools

In an op-ed in The Advocate, HRC Foundation’s Director Children, Youth and Families Program Ellen Kahn wrote about creating transgender friendly schools.
HRC.org

www.hrc.org/blog/entry/op-ed-creating-transgender-friendly-and-inclusive-schools?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss-feed

See Eddie Redmayne In The Transgender Role For Which He Replaced Nicole Kidman

Fresh off his Oscar win as best actor for his gripping turn as Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything, freckle-faced heartthrob Eddie Redmayne may have found a role that’s equally as challenging and ultimately rewarding. The 33-year-old thespian will soon be seen as Lile Elbe (right), the Danish painter born Einar Wegener who is considered one of the world’s first trans women and who underwent the first gender reassignment surgery in 1930. The complex role was once claimed by another Academy Award-winning performer, Nicole Kidman, who dropped out following a delay in the start of filming. Gorgeous Swedish actress Alicia Vikander, who made a big splash earlier this year in Ex Machina and will soon be the envy of millions as the woman who comes between Henry Cavill and Armie Hammer in The Man from U.N.C.L.E., will co-star as Gerda, Wegener’s wife.

Here’s the film’s official synopsis to give us a brief breakdown:

The Danish Girl is the remarkable love story inspired by the lives of artists Einar and Gerda Wegener (being portrayed, respectively, by Eddie Redmayne and Alicia Vikander), whose marriage and work are cast into the unknown when Einar begins a groundbreaking journey to become one of the world’s first transgender women, Lili Elbe. The Danish Girl has been adapted into a screenplay by BAFTA Award nominee Lucinda Coxon, based on the novel of the same name by David Ebershoff. The film’s cast also includes Matthias Schoenaerts (The Drop), Ben Whishaw (Skyfall), and Amber Heard (The Rum Diary).

The film, directed by Tom Hooper, who won scores of awards for The King’s Speech in 2010, will be screened at film fests in Toronto and Venice this fall before it opens in theaters November 27. See a selection of the film’s advance posters below.

Jeremy Kinser

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