I'm 50, Single And A Little Terrified To Mingle

I’m totally comfortable talking about sex and dating. Why do you ask?

I recently turned 50 and am considering putting myself out into the dating world for the first time in nearly six years. Why a six-year reprieve? I’d love to give you a beautifully written metaphor about my having to find my inner voice (which isn’t far from the truth), but in all honesty, I’ve been really busy unloading a ton of old, emotional baggage, namely 55 pounds, a former life working in corporate America, and an outdated relationship. I’ve transformed but it hasn’t always been pretty.

Despite the life of debauchery I lived for many, many years (various amounts of sporadic sex, nights of stupid drug taking, an absence of all social boundaries and basic emotional paranoia), I’m shocked that my looks, sense of irony and overall emotional well-being have somehow grown exponentially. I have no idea how the hell that happened. Well, that’s a lie. I’ve worked my ass off. I’d kiss the ground I walk on but I’m a hypochondriac and I live in New York City.

I have a massive amount of lush, thick silvery hair that most bald men would murder me for and I have great skin. True, I use so much organic moisturizer that if I were pushed against a wall I’d slide right down it, but if it works, it works.

What I’m missing is sexual swagger. And when it comes to dating, one thing a man needs is swagger, especially if he’s predominately gay. I write predominately gay because after my 12-year relationship ended with John (totally fake name for my ex) I had a brief (albeit surprising) affair with a woman. It involved secret trips to New Jersey and too much red wine. What happens in Secaucus…

According to the Urban Dictionary, swagger is associated with the following words: cool, swagga, style, fresh, awesome, fly, sexy, confidence, game, boss, dope, swagtastic. All words I never really feel unless I’ve had a glass of Pinot and I’m wearing really tight jeans and I’m strutting down the streets of New York City with Journey blaring so loudly through my enormous headphones my eardrums nearly bleed. See? Not good.

I’m trying to get my swagger on, I really am. I work out constantly, I fit into 30-inch jeans and I never eat past 7 p.m. I also use Suzanne Somer’s FaceMaster. The FaceMaster is a machine that zaps your face with an alarming amount of electrical current in an effort to keep it fresh and taut. Suzanne is my home girl when it comes to being pretty. Wait. I just read that sentence. That’s not very swagger-like, is it? Crap. Probably doesn’t help either that when I talk to dates on the phone using the FaceMaster I sound like Donald Duck having an epileptic fit.

The bottom line is I’ve never been comfortable with the open sense of sexual confidence I see so many gay men exude. It makes me painfully aware of my feelings of inadequacy, which is maddening since I’m so confident and successful in every other part of my life.

You’re so hot. Totally. I just … once I finish this organic peanut butter I’ll be right with you.

I know some people feel swagger implies arrogance, but I like to think of it as radical self-love. Swagger can sometimes influence narcissism, but most often narcissists don’t have swagger so much as a bull’s-eye on their forehead where everyone wants to hit them with a cherry pie.

Swagger is intoxicating, thrilling and a heady mix of awareness and availability. There seems to be something in there also about vulnerability and strength and what it means to be a man that scares the crap out a lot of men (myself included). I know I wrestle with my feelings of masculinity and maleness as a gay guy and when I talk to straight guys they feel the exact same way.

So maybe in the end we’re all feeling the same thing. Still doesn’t negate the fact society as a whole rewards men (straight and gay) who are stoic and emotionally stable (if a little stale) and that’s the reason tons of older dudes suffer silently from depression, but that’s a discussion for a future post.

You know what? Screw it. I’m happy being single. If I meet someone, super. If not, super. I really do mean that. I’m just super.

But I should probably change out of my fly South Park pajamas before I engage in some dope Skyping with this fresh looking dude on OkCupid who just hit me up. Oh, and I better throw my Hello Kitty blanket over my FaceMaster. I don’t want to give him the wrong impression.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

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Hate video inciting violence against trans women sparks fear in Malaysia

Transgender Indians in Malaysia are living in fear after a hate video inciting violence against them went viral last week.

The two-minute clip shows photos of dozens of transgender women of mostly Indian origin taken from their social media accounts.

A voiceover says in Tamil that transgender people take drugs to change from men to women, and warned that an alleged increase in transgender women had led to a fall in the male population.

The man’s voice then calls on viewers to take ‘physical action’ against transgender people to ‘save’ the multiethnic country and the Malaysian-Tamil community, which numbers about 1.74 million.

‘If you see them on the street beat them and beat those who walk with them,’ he says.

The Malaysian Tamil Thirunangai Organization filed a police report on 19 August.

‘Immediately, the community felt fear. Fear to go out, fear to do normal things, fear to live day-to-day life, worrying what’s going to happen to them next,’ the Malay Mail quoted the group’s Suriya Ramaiah as saying.

Watch the video below:

The post Hate video inciting violence against trans women sparks fear in Malaysia appeared first on Gay Star News.

Darren Wee

www.gaystarnews.com/article/hate-video-inciting-violence-against-trans-women-sparks-fear-in-malaysia/

Men Confess To Blackmailing Married Man Looking For Gay Sex On Grindr

Why is it that Grindr seems to bring out the worst in people even while getting everyone laid?

Two men in the U.K. have been jailed after allegedly blackmailing a married man they met on the popular dating app.

In a Swindon Crown Court last week, 29-year-old Daniel Edwards and 30-year-old Kristofer Wagner admitted to the charge. According to court documents, Edwards exchanged photos and messages with the victim before asking if he was married. When he told him that he was, Edwards then threatened to forward their conversation and his pictures to his wife.

Related: Mother Opens Grindr, Finds Her Husband’s Headless Torso In Their Bathroom

Edwards demanded £2,000 (approx. $3,140 USD) for his silence. The victim agreed to £1,500. Edwards then called Wagner and the pair went to collect the cash, but not before printing out the Grindr conversations to give to the victim’s wife just in case he tried to stiff them.

After handing over the money, the victim called police, who promptly arrested the men. They found the cash, along with the printed conversations, in their car.

After confessing to the scheme, Edwards was sentenced to two years and 10 months behind bars, and Wagner to 20. Afterwards, prosecutor Kate Lewis told media: “This case shows that homophobia can exist even in a situation where it is least expected.”

Lewis continued: “We considered the case as a homophobic hate crime because of the perception that the defendants were motivated by hostility towards the victim because of his sexuality.”

Moral of the story: Be polite to the people you meet on Grindr!

Related: EXCLUSIVE: Grindr Screenshots Reveal Antigay Pastor Is A Top Who Likes To Cuddle

h/t: The Mirror

Graham Gremore

feedproxy.google.com/~r/queerty2/~3/npdtVl3GPzw/two-men-confess-to-blackmailing-married-man-looking-for-gay-sex-on-grindr-20150824

Op-ed: Chelsea Manning's Plight Highlights Trans Prison Abuses

The lawyer for WikiLeaks whistleblower Chelsea Manning says his client’s treatment in prison is both reprehensible and similar to that of other incarcerated trans women.

read more

Chase Strangio

www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/08/24/op-ed-chelsea-mannings-plight-highlights-trans-prison-abuses

John Oliver Says It's Time To End Discrimination Against Gays

John Oliver says it’s time for the federal government to finish the job when it comes to gay rights. 

Speaking on HBO’s “Last Week Tonight” on Sunday, Oliver pointed out that while gay couples now have the right to get married, they don’t have many other rights in much of the nation.

In some cases, they have no rights at all. 

Now Oliver is calling on the feds to extend basic civil rights protections to the gay community. 

“States have a checkered history when it comes to civil rights,” Oliver said. “Just look at Arkansas right now. Not only do they not have any anti-discrimination ordinances, earlier this year they actually passed an anti-anti-discrimination ordinance that prevents any city or county from extending civil rights protections to gay people.”

As Oliver pointed out, that’s the opposite of progress.

“It would be like if Apple suddenly introduced the iPhone 7 and it was a flip phone,” he said. “That’s still not as dumb as the Apple Watch… but it’s dumb.” 

Check it out in the clip above.  

Also on HuffPost:

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9 One Direction fans who are convinced the band are breaking up so they can have gay sex together

One Direction are apparently going to ‘split up in March’, and fans are devastated.

Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan will be focusing on their solo careers, will not tour their fifth album and will apparently disband for at least a year in March 2016, according to reports.

This follows Zayn Malik leaving the band earlier this year.

The Sun quotes a 1D source that said the boys ‘fully deserve to have at least a year to work on their own projects’ and there is ‘absolutely no bad blood between them’.

They added: ‘It is definitely not a split and they fully intend to get back together at some time in the future. But for now it is the end and they go out on top as the world’s most popular music act.’

Some fans disagree.

Some believe it will give the British boyband stars a chance to finally profess their undying love for each other.

In particular, many think the fandom’s favorite ship, Larry Stylinson (for Harry and Louis) will finally ‘come out’.

We’ve gathered just some of the fans guessing what will happen when 1D takes a break in March 2016.

One knows what’s REALLY happening behind that report:

world: 1D will break up in 2016 me: Larry is real #MTVHottest One Direction

— am !! (@michaelsharibos) August 24, 2015

Others were happy that Larry can finally be together:

@18meets16 if they break up maybe Larry can finally be together — F I V E T E E N (@justbands94) August 24, 2015

At lease larry can come out when they take a break (I hope) #MTVHottest One Direction

— S͟͟o͟͟p͟͟h͟͟i͟͟e͟͟ (@Niam_Shipper_1D) August 24, 2015

Some were hoping to get some leaked Larry pics:

Just imagine how many leaked larry pictures we’re gonna get when 1d is on a break — ⠀ariel (@SAlNTLAURENTS) August 24, 2015

And some were looking on the bright side:

tbh if 1d were to break up in order for larry to live i would be a-ok with that

— jordyn (@kendallcaras) August 23, 2015

Some were unsure of what will happen:

maybe during this break, things will be planned, some seed will be done, and maybe later larry will come out, who knows… — sandra / on holidays (@larrycaring) August 24, 2015

But others just know:

so the boys are taking a break? wait for larry to come out that’s what I’m saying

— Christina (@garrixstylesxx) August 24, 2015

Some even hoped for a wedding:

i can totally see a larry wedding during that break — freedom. (@louebarry) August 24, 2015

And some are just behaving like everything is normal:

HAHAHAH FINALLY 2015 PIC OF LARRY HOLDING HANDS #MTVHottest One Direction pic.twitter.com/sV9Fjin5ce

— k (@NarrysChildx) August 24, 2015

The post 9 One Direction fans who are convinced the band are breaking up so they can have gay sex together appeared first on Gay Star News.

Joe Morgan

www.gaystarnews.com/article/9-one-direction-fans-who-are-convinced-the-band-are-breaking-up-so-they-can-have-gay-sex-together/

Here's Why We're Cheering for Carly Rae Jepsen

Singer-songwriter Carly Rae Jepsen is back with her newest album, E·MO·TION, and this time she’s got something to prove. But as she’s been an LGBT ally since her breakthrough, it’s hard not to be on her side.

read more

Raffy Ermac

www.advocate.com/spotlight/2015/08/24/heres-why-were-cheering-carly-rae-jepsen

Malaysia will not protect ‘un-Islamic’ gay rights, says PM

Malaysia’s Prime Minister has said his government will not protect LGBTI rights because they are at odds with Islam.

Najib Razak made the comments last week at an international seminar on the Islamic concept of wasatiyyah, or moderation, in Bangi, Selangor.

‘Although universal human rights have been defined, we still define human rights in the country in the context of Islam and the Sharia,’ he said, referring to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

‘And even if we cannot defend human rights at an international level, we must defend it in the Islamic context.’

Gay sex is illegal in the Muslim-majority country and punishable by fines, whippings or up to 20 years imprisonment.

Razak went on to say that extremist and liberal groups were trying to impose their views on the majority.

‘These groups, are hiding behind the facade of human rights to approve their acts which deviate from Islamic teaching,’ he said.

‘Such groups includes the Islamic State (IS) and Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community (LGBT) are targeting the younger generation to spread their ideologies – and it seems like they have managed to influence them.’

The Human Rights Watch (HRW) challenged Malaysia to leave the UN if it was not serious about upholding human rights.

‘The logical argument from that would be Malaysia should resign from the UN. Is Malaysia prepared to do that?’ said Phil Robertson, deputy director of the HRW’s Asia division.

The post Malaysia will not protect ‘un-Islamic’ gay rights, says PM appeared first on Gay Star News.

Darren Wee

www.gaystarnews.com/article/malaysia-will-not-protect-un-islamic-gay-rights-says-pm/

He Said, She Said: Cait Steps Out

This week on I Am Cait, the focus is on Jenner’s coming to terms with her self-imposed seclusion and separation from the LGBT community.

read more

Dawn Ennis

www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/08/23/he-said-she-said-cait-steps-out

Caitlyn Jenner Halloween costume is a dreadful idea

Caitlyn Jenner costumes will go on sale at a US retail chain in time for Halloween this year.

Spirit Halloween plans to sell the costume at its pop-up stores in New York City.

‘Caitlyn Jenner has proven to be the most important real-life superhero of the year, and Spirit Halloween is proud to carry the costume that celebrates her,’ Trisha Lombardo, the company’s head of PR and marketing, told the New York Daily News.

Lombardo added that the company would not be able to reveal any details about the costume until it goes on sale in four to six weeks, and brushed off accusations that it is insensitive and inappropriate.

‘At Spirit Halloween, we create a wide range of costumes that are often based upon celebrities, public figures, heroes and superheroes. We feel that Caitlyn Jenner is all of the above and that she should be celebrated. The Caitlyn Jenner costume reflects just that,’ she wrote in a statement to the Huffington Post.

But trans advocates have expressed concern.

‘There’s no tasteful way to “celebrate” Caitlyn Jenner or respect transgender people this way on the one night of the year when people use their most twisted imaginations to pretend to be villains and monsters,’ said Vincent Villano, director of communications at the National Center for Transgender Equality.

The post Caitlyn Jenner Halloween costume is a dreadful idea appeared first on Gay Star News.

Darren Wee

www.gaystarnews.com/article/caitlyn-jenner-halloween-costume-is-a-dreadful-idea/