The Great Gay Sex Scandal Switcheroo
Michigan state House representative Todd Courser is a brilliant political strategist.
The conservative tea party activist planned to cover up his extra-marital affair with Rep. Cindy Gamrat by sendng a distracting mass email to Republicans that accused him of sexual misconduct with a male prostitute. He could refute the wild false claims and take the moral high ground. Any other “scandal” that might emerge afterwards would seem fictional and petty in comparison. Voila! Original scandal is erased and Courser’s political career could stay on course.
This is political maneuvering at its best. Why had this idea not been used before? Can you imagine how many scandals could have been swept under the rug and how many careers could have been saved? Think about it:
An unnamed source claims to have information that will reveal President Nixon’s rendezvous with a male escort. The source, known only as Deep Throat, alleges that Nixon wanted the prostitute to meet him at the Watergate Hotel for a sexual encounter. The shocking allegation has rocked the Washington political establishment. Nixon denies any wrongdoing and claims that the story is a smear campaign planted to damage his re-election campaign.
Or maybe this …
An anonymous homosexual has sent letters to members of Congress claiming an illicit affair with President Bill Clinton. Clinton, in a statement read by White House intern Monica Lewinsky, has denied any involvement and calls the claims “outrageous and unfounded.”
The possibilities are endless. The Teapot Dome Scandal and Iran-Contra could have turned out differently if only a little gay sex had been thrown in to distract the public and the press from finding out the truth. Rod Blagojevich, Anthony Weiner, Joey Buttafuoco, Eliot Spitzer, Jim Bakker – why didn’t you guys come up with this plan?! Future adulterers take note! Listen to words of wisdom from Courser: “It will make anything else that comes out after that … mundane, tame by comparison.”
As everyone knows, the most effective way to besmirch a reputation is to throw “gay” all over it. And then – as every conservative knows – the best way to raise your numbers in the polls is to uphold your heterosexuality at all costs. And your faith. And your religious freedom. And your moral superiority. Wrap yourself in God and the flag.
Courser knew this well. He was out there earlier this year in the front lines of the fight for “traditional marriage.” In an effort to hinder gays from getting married, he introduced legislation that would prevent anyone other than clergy members from performing marriages. He called the Supreme Court ruling in favor of allowing same-sex marriage, a “crushing day for those who believe in traditional marriage and traditional morality.”
Courser is a creative man. In the email he devised to cause his own sex scandal, he called himself a “bi-sexual porn addicted deviant” and a “gun toting bible thumping cock sucking freak.” No one would believe that!
The phony scandal would have worked if aide Ben Graham had cooperated. But Graham refused and was fired. Unfortunately for Courser, Graham had secretly taped the representative and the actual Courser-Gamrat affair was exposed. The lesson here? Never fire someone who knows your secrets.
Can Courser still get himself out of trouble? His brilliant mind must be coming up with something even more creative and potentially scandalous. Maybe if he claims that the whole story was cooked up by a transgender illegal Mexican immigrant abortion doctor who wants to force bakers to bake gay wedding cakes? Yes! That just might work to distract us all away from the truth.
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