Daily Archives: August 3, 2015
First male couple to marry at West Point attacked in NYC, assailant leaves covered in own blood
First male couple to marry at West Point attacked in NYC, assailant leaves covered in own blood
The first male couple to be married at West Point Military Academy were attacked Sunday (2 August) in New York City’s SoHo neighborhood.
Larry Lennox-Choate III, a 2009 West Point graduate, wrote in a Facebook post that he and his husband were in a bodega when a man began screaming anti-gay obscenities at them then ‘sucker punched’ Daniel Lennox-Choate, a 2007 West Point grad.
‘It’s hard to believe that in 2015 we would have to deal with anti-gay hate crimes in soho of all places,’ he wrote. ‘First off- we’re ok. Aside from one fat lip and a sore punching arm, we are fine. The guy who screamed anti-gay obscenities at us in a bodega before sucker-punching Danny? He left covered in his own blood with his tail between his legs after I handled the situation and tossed him in the street like the coward loser he is.’
He added: ‘The hate crimes division of the NYPD is on the case and we have full faith a positive outcome will follow. We refuse to be victims and are thankful we can defend ourselves, but are saddened by the fact that idiots like this guy might not pick two guys who went through Plebe Boxing next time.’
The post First male couple to marry at West Point attacked in NYC, assailant leaves covered in own blood appeared first on Gay Star News.
Greg Hernandez
THIS Friday, August 7th will be NOTHING BUT EPIC!!!!! #GirlCodeFridaze #GoBestFriend Edition at @Vita_DC (1318 9th St NW) 10p-3a | 21+ — #GoBestFriend Contest Winners….follow these 3 Easy Steps: 1) Create a "That's My Best Friend" video with you and y
Trans and Other Marchers Block Seattle Street, Protesting Immigration Policies
Trans and Other Marchers Block Seattle Street, Protesting Immigration Policies
Government contracts with private prisons provide an incentive to round up immigrants, they say.
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Trudy Ring
13 Reasons A Divorce Is Anything But A Failure
13 Reasons A Divorce Is Anything But A Failure
Most of us marry with the best of intentions: kids, a scrappy dog from the pound, a happy, healthy home — and when the kids are older, growing old and gray together.
No one goes into a marriage expecting to divorce — but it happens. And if does happen (to you, or someone you love), calling the split a “failed marriage” is pretty off the mark. There were undoubtedly happy times in the marriage, kids may have been brought into the world, and more than likely, the couple spent a good deal of time trying to repair the relationship before deciding to divorce.
As a reminder that good can come of a marriage ending, we asked our readers on Facebook to share how they feel about the idea that divorce is a failure — and to share the reasons their marriages were of value, even if they didn’t last. See what they had to say below.
1. It was a stepping stone to a better life.
“My ‘failed’ marriage made me who I am today. The marriage wasn’t a failure. It was a necessary stepping stone. It was a relationship, full of choices, some with unfortunate outcomes. It ended for various reasons but my children, the life lessons and the growth I’ve shown since have all been successes.” — Aubrey Keefer
2. Spending decades with one person is hardly a “failure.”
3. A marriage where your needs aren’t met teaches you the importance of self-care.
“I didn’t fail at marriage. I gave everything I had to my marriage. I failed myself. I let my marriage become the only thing that mattered, risking my own health in the process.” — Beth Ellen Vasquez
4. Sometimes, losing a marriage means regaining your health.
“After we separated, I had two surgeries I needed. I had avoided taking care of myself for so long.” — Kris Russ
5. You and your ex had great times together.
“Why wasn’t my marriage a failure? Because when it was good, it was what people dream of having…” — Maia Benusis
6. It provides a chance to reinvent yourself.
“My unexpected divorce and job loss earlier this year has given me a wonderful opportunity to spend quality time with my beautiful teenagers, reinvent my life and rediscover the true me. That’s a great opportunity at 50, not failure.” — Liz Kay
7. Two words: Your kids.
8. Divorce forces you to become a stronger, more effective parent.
“Divorce made me discover the much-needed strength I had buried deep inside of me for my two boys and for myself.” — Jen Elnar Parker
9. Think of it this way: Your relationship just had an expiration date.
“I prefer to think my marriage was successful, it simply had a surprising and unexpected expiration date. After being married for 30 years, it took a couple of years post-divorce to come to this conclusion!” –– Vicki Richards
10. You put in everything to make it work.
“I gave it my best. My children told me they just wanted to see me happy and these days, I’m happy.” — Carrie Spence
11. You might become a better person and parent after divorce.
“Along with two amazing kids, I have a better relationship now with their mom than when we were married. We’ve given up a shared house and bed for being better people — in my mind that’s as big a win as we can get.” — Bill Lennan
12. You shouldn’t be living life on a pass-fail basis, anyway.
13. You learned the value of self-preservation.
“I got out alive and have rebuilt my life into something better. I learned the lessons that I needed to learn and I’m a better person for it. I’ve always been giving and loyal and willing to do anything for the people I loved but my marriage taught me that you don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Now I can teach my daughter that while helping people is wonderful, you always put on your own oxygen mask first.” — Kate Fruehling
More from HuffPost:
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Divorce on Facebook.
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Group formed to take down California’s Proposition 8 is shutting its doors
Group formed to take down California’s Proposition 8 is shutting its doors
It is mission accomplished for the American Foundation for Equal Rights.
Formed nearly six years ago to fight for marriage equality by such Hollywood heavy-hitters as Rob Reiner and Dustin Lance Black, AFER Executive Director Adam Umhoefer announced Monday (3 August) that the organization is closing down.
The announcement via Facebook comes less than six weeks after the US Supreme Court ruled that same-sex marriage is legal across the US.
It’s also been more than two years since the high court allowed a federal court’s overturning of California’s Proposition 8 to stand in a case filed by AFER on behalf of two plaintiff couples. Later, AFER fought a case that led to marriage equality in Virginia.
‘We put equality on trial,’ Umhoefer writes. ‘For the first time ever, a federal court heard evidence as to why denying gay and lesbian Americans the right to marry is unconstitutional. And, more importantly, for the first time, we forced our opponents to make their best cases, under oath, as to why marriage bans based on fear and hatred should stand. And we shared that story with the world.
‘But, perhaps, most importantly, we drew a line in the sand.’
The California and Virginia cases had David Boies and Ted Olson teamed as lead counsel, two celebrated lawyers who had previously clashed at the Supreme Court in the case of Gore Vs. Bush in 2000. Boies fought unsuccessfully for Al Gore while Olson argued successfully for George W. Bush in a case that enabled him to become president of the US.
Umhoefer writes that although the marriage battle was won, the fight for LGBTI equality is not over.
‘Please remember we’re going to have to work harder than ever before to ensure that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender Americans have full federal equality – nothing more, and nothing less.’
He points out that in 31 states, LGBTI people have very few clear, consistent legal protections against discrimination. They are still at risk of being fired, denied a job, evicted, bullied, harassed, refused service, or denied access to credit because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.
Umhoefer considers the Equality Act, introduced in the US Congress last week, to be ‘essential legislation’ that would guarantee critically needed protections in the workplace, housing, public accommodations, lending practices, education, jury service, and the use of federal funds.
‘While AFER may be closing its doors, we are dedicating all remaining resources to the ongoing battle for full equality,’ he writes. ‘It’s going to take all of us to reach the finish line.’
The post Group formed to take down California’s Proposition 8 is shutting its doors appeared first on Gay Star News.
Greg Hernandez
More And More Straight Guys Are Giving Each Other “Bro-Jobs”
More And More Straight Guys Are Giving Each Other “Bro-Jobs”
What is a “bro-job”?
In a nutshell, it’s when a straight guy gives another straight guy a blowie not in a meaningful sexual way but in a friendly, NSA, I’m-just-doing-you-a-little-favor, totally not gay sort of way. Or something.
Dr. Jane Ward writes this not-so-new phenomenon in her book, Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men, published by NYU Press last month.
Related: Why Straight Men Are Acting Way More Gay Than Ever Before
In the book, Ward poses the following question: “A straight white girl can kiss a girl, like it, and still call herself straight—her boyfriend may even encourage her. But can straight white guys experience the same easy sexual fluidity, or would kissing a guy just mean that they are really gay?”
The answer: It’s complicated.
From fraternity hazing rituals, where pledges are told to grab each other’s dongs and stick their fingers up fellow pledges’ butts, to online personal ads posted by “straight” men seeking other “straight” men to sack off with, Ward examines the fascinating world of “straight guy-on-guy action,” which she believes isn’t nearly as gay as people might think.
Related: Five Reasons Every Straight Man Should Go Gay At Least Once Or Five Times
Ward argues that the real reason “straight” men behave in these ways is to “reaffirm rather than challenge their gender and racial identity” and “to leverage whiteness and masculinity to authenticate their heterosexuality in the context of sex with men.”
In other words: They do it to prove they’re not gay.
Kinda like how a blossoming homosexual might experiment with a girl in high school or college once or twice as a way of testing the waters. We all know how that story ends.
Related: Straight Guy Opens Up About All The Stuff He Likes Done To His Butt
“By understanding their same-sex sexual practice as meaningless, accidental, or even necessary,” Ward says, “straight white men can perform homosexual contact in heterosexual ways. These sex acts are not slippages into a queer way of being or expressions of a desired but unarticulated gay identity. Instead … they reveal the fluidity and complexity that characterizes all human sexual desire.”
What do you think? Does Ward’s theory make sense, or does a guy giving another guy a “bro-job” make him gay, or at least bisexual? Sound off in the comments section below.
Graham Gremore
What To Watch This Week On TV: A New ‘Greg Louganis’ Doc
What To Watch This Week On TV: A New ‘Greg Louganis’ Doc
Check out our weekly guide to make sure you’re catching the big premieres, crucial episodes and the stuff you won’t admit you watch when no one’s looking.
— Long before Caitlyn Jenner, another acclaimed Olympian made waves as an out gay man and HIV-positive athlete. In the documentary Back On Board: Greg Louganis, the diver’s struggles against homophobia and discrimination are put on full display, including his battle to save his Malibu home. The film premieres Tuesday at 10 p.m. Eastern on HBO.
— Looking for a laugh? The biggest jokers on TV will come together for the first Republican Debate 9 p.m. Eastern, Thursday on Fox News. Even if you can’t find humor in their vitriolic outrage and proud ignorance, you’ll at least get a sense for how the other half thinks.
— Make it work, and make sure you tune in to the next season of Project Runway Thursday at 9 p.m. Eastern on Lifetime. Host Heidi Klum and mentor Tim Gunn are back to find America’s next great designer.
— It’s hard to say goodbye, but we’ll do our best when the brilliant Jon Stewart bids adieu to The Daily Show Thursday at 11 p.m. Eastern on Comedy Central. The super-sized final episode will send off its host in style following a day-long marathon of classic Daily Show episodes.
— Good news! You’re almost done having your social media filled with people complaining about this garbage season of True Detective. The anthology series closes its second season Sunday at 9 p.m. on HBO. Good riddance.
What are you watching on television this week?
The post What To Watch This Week On TV: A New ‘Greg Louganis’ Doc appeared first on Towleroad.
Bobby Hankinson
Teen Killed at Jerusalem Pride Remembered as Believer in Equality and Tolerance
Teen Killed at Jerusalem Pride Remembered as Believer in Equality and Tolerance
Shira Banki joined in the parade to ‘support her friends and everyone else’s right to live as they please,’ her parents said.
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Trudy Ring
Dear Facebook: Chef Rossi Is My Name
Dear Facebook: Chef Rossi Is My Name
Seven years ago, lots of my pals were on Facebook. They’d Facebook what they were having for breakfast, what movie they just watched, whether their cappuccino had enough foam. There was something mildly horrifying to me about announcing to the Internet the minutiae of your everyday life.
My girlfriend at the time, Jay, demanded that I join the modern age.
“You are a writer. You simply have to be on Facebook!”
“First we need your Facebook name.”
That only name I’d used since high school was Rossi. In my anything but gay-friendly high school, with my homophobic parents, realizing I wasn’t heterosexual needed a little UMPH. Anointing myself “Rossi” was my battle cry.
But it always came with a problem, “What is your last name?”
I didn’t have one, didn’t want one. There was Cher, (later on Madonna) and Rossi. But businesses wanted two names. My gym memberships had me as The Rossi. My problem was solved the moment I started cooking professionally decades ago. Chef Rossi.
Within minutes of Jay helping me to sign up, my Chef Rossi message box was full. Friend requests came pouring in from people I knew and a lot of people who I had only met once if at all.
“Do I have to say ‘yes’ to everyone? Will I hurt their feelings if I say ‘no’?”
I took to Facebook gingerly. Rarely posted. Rarely read other people’s posts.
A few years ago, a pal of mine called to let me know how hurt he was that I did not call him when his father died.
“How would I know your dad died?” I asked.
“I posted it on Facebook!”
I realized that while I was hesitant to get sucked into the Facebook vortex, most of my friends were not. Birthdays, births, deaths, new jobs, new loves. They posted it all on Facebook.
I began to check in more often.
It reminded me of when I was a teenager and decided to smoke just a few cigarettes a day.
Two puffs later, and I was on Twitter and Instagram, but satisfying as the “Likes” next to my food photographs on Instagram and the “faves” next to my two liners on Twitter were, nothing felt as nourishing as the comments on Facebook. It was addictive to say the least.
I discovered that with one tap of a button I could share my blog posts on Facebook.
“Awesome!”
“Hilarious!”
Their comments made me want to write all the more.
My friend list grew each day.
The cousin of a friend of my ex-girlfriend? Why not be friends?
When my memoir was finally getting published, I shouted it on Facebook.
I went away for the weekend with my girlfriend of five years, Lydia. (Don’t worry; Jay and I stayed friends. After all, she’d given me a lot; she gave me Facebook.)
When I got home, I decided to crawl up with my laptop and see what my Facebook gang had to say.
I tried to log in but instead got this eerie message.
“Hi,
It looks like the name on your Facebook account may not be your authentic name. We ask everyone to use the name they go by in real life so friends know who they’re connecting with.
If the name on your account is already the name you use in everyday life, we would like to work with you to verify that this name best represents your identity.”
Facebook was demanding that I prove that Chef Rossi was my name?!
I looked at the long list of items they said might prove this, driver’s license, passport?
Who has Chef Rossi on their passport?
The second list included utility bills and bank statements. It was then that I grew worried that this was all some sort of scary hack.
So I wrote to Facebook and asked them if I’d been phished or if this was for real.
The next morning, I got the message.
“Hi,
We need to verify your identity before we can assist with your request.”
It was not a hack.
Until I could prove Chef Rossi was my authentic name I was locked out of Facebook, and if I didn’t prove it soon, I was going to be locked out forever.
I tore apart my apartment for documents I scanned and sent to them. Thirty years of press clippings, utility bills, my book cover, legal documents, copies of my check book, all saying the same thing: I am Rossi, aka Chef Rossi.
The next morning, I woke with my heart beating in my throat and grabbed the laptop, praying my Facebook nightmare was over and instead got this message.
“Hi,
Thanks for contacting us. At this time, we can’t verify your name.”
Over the next 72 hours I sent them an arsenal of documentation.
I still got the notices from friends about all the great things they were up to on Facebook in my email, but when I tried to click on them, I was locked out.
I remember the way I felt after my first great love and I broke up. Those first mornings I would open my eyes ready to take on the world and then it would hit me like a punch in the stomach; she was gone. It was like re-learning how to start my day.
Strange as it is to say, the lock out from Facebook felt eerily similar. Each morning I would awaken hours earlier than usual with a knot in my stomach. There was a whole world of buzzing activities happening with my pals that I was no longer a part of.
How would my FB friends even know when my book launch was happening? Would they miss me?
My Facebook joy button was gone.
“It’s happening to a lot of people in the transgender community who don’t use their born name,” one pal told me.
“It’s been like an attack on drag queens!” another pal told me.
“You may have to join using your born name,” my best gal pal told me.
“I’d rather never sign on to Facebook again!” I announced.
It wasn’t like I had a terrible birth name. It even sounded like the name a movie star might have. But it was a name given to a little girl who was sent for psychological evaluation for gender confusion. It was the name of a tween who was spit on because she was different. It was a name given to a teenager who was shipped off to live with Chasidic Jews because she was a lesbian.
Rossi has cheered from atop floats in the Gay Pride parade. Rossi has marched screaming, “We’re here, we’re queer! Get used to it!”
Rossi is nobody’s victim.
Chef Rossi is New York City’s wildest caterer, author, writer, blogger, radio host and outspoken kvetching yenta from hell!
No one ever asked me to prove I was Chef Rossi. Who else could this loud mouth, rabble-rouser be, but me?!
My girlfriend was so worried about my sanity that she signed on to Facebook to let me dictate a post announcing to our mutual pals what had happened.
A writer pal gave me the password for her own Facebook account. “Maybe this will help get you thru this,” she said.
I sent Facebook another arsenal of ME.
“Hi,
Until we receive an accepted form of ID that matches the information listed on the account we won’t be able to respond to this case or assist you further. This decision is final.”
A pal of mine suggested I write to them.
“Don’t give up without a fight!”
I had nothing left to send unless they wanted a vial of my blood. I was perfectly willing to send that too.
“Dear Facebook
I do believe from my experience using my AUTHENTIC name of Chef Rossi for 35 years that this is a clear case of “LGBT Discrimination.”
My born name comes with a history of anti-gay abuse and involuntary conversion therapy.
Many LGBT people suffer from this Facebook policy.
As we are about to enter Gay Pride in NYC, is this really the message Facebook wants to send out?
I feel I am living in a Facebook nightmare.
Please resolve this!”
With that, I walked away from Facebook.
Gay Pride was coming.
I would let my pals know what I had written the old-fashioned way, with phone calls emails, and yeah, on Twitter, too.
In the midst of ordering five hundred pounds of ice for a wedding I was catering, a pal emailed, “Rossi you are back up!”
There it was like a gift from the heavens.
“Hi Chef,
Thanks for verifying your identity. We’ve unlocked your account, and you should now be able to log back in. We’re sorry for the inconvenience.”
Just like that I was back on.
I got a congratulatory text from my publisher letting me know that not only had I won my Facebook name war, but marriage equality had won its war with America.
I raced to the Joy Button.
“I can’t believe I am back on Facebook just in time to celebrate Gay Pride and marriage equality with you here today!! HAPPY Gay Pride NYC! Happy Gay Pride USA!! We have come a long way baby!”
I do not think Facebook meant their authentic name hunt to be anti-gay. I think the motive was to protect against hackers and impersonators.
Often good intentions leave unintended victims.
But it was time to celebrate.
Marriage equality became legal in all of the United States and a vivacious tomboy named Chef Rossi got to keep her name on Facebook.
Not a bad end to the week.
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