Daily Archives: July 6, 2015
Meet the First Trans Pastor Officially Ordained by the Evangelical Lutheran Church
Meet the First Trans Pastor Officially Ordained by the Evangelical Lutheran Church
‘There’s no need to choose between living life as your fullest self and belonging to a community of faith,’ says Asher O’Callaghan.
Mitch Kellaway
Defending My Son Who Wears Skirts While Fighting Victim Blaming and Sexism
Defending My Son Who Wears Skirts While Fighting Victim Blaming and Sexism
My son is 4. When he was 2, he went through a phase of wearing pink pants to day care for about two weeks.
About four weeks before preschool ended for summer this year, he started wearing skirts, dresses and flowery shirts to school most days. I felt a little awkward about it for the first couple of days, but I didn’t have any good reason to stop it, and frankly, I had several good reasons to support it.
For one thing, it made the miserable drudgery of convincing him to get dressed for school bearable as summer vacation approached, seemingly at a snail’s pace. Our only hope of getting him to school on time was to let him wear ANYTHING that fit the school dress code. Every parent has heard the advice, “pick your battles.” Each item of clothing he chooses himself increases the likelihood that I’ll get a bite of vegetables in him at dinner, a reasonable bedtime and the car seat buckled without a scene.
The school responded to his wardrobe choices in exemplary fashion. As he went in, a teacher would ask him, “What are you going to say if someone asks you about your shirt/skirt/dress?” To which he would answer something along the lines of, “It is my concert shirt” or “It makes me happy.” The teacher would then say, “OK, that’s what you say if anyone asks you why you are wearing it!” In he would go, happy as a clam. Out he would come at the end of the day, having raised a few eyebrows and received lots of compliments, still happy as a clam. I was relieved. So I picked up a few items at a thrift store that fit him better (and may eventually be available to my younger child).
During the last week of school, my in-laws very generously offered to watch the kids so I could go out for dinner with friends. Upon my return, I faced a very unusual confrontation. It may not seem confrontational, but trust me, this is as confrontational as my in-laws get.
FIL: “So, what is with the skirts?”
Me: “Well, it is the path of least resistance right now. We would’ve been on time for school this morning if I had known he was willing to wear a skirt. Instead I spent an hour trying to get pants and shorts on him. I don’t know why he didn’t just ask for a skirt….”
MIL: “Do you think he prefers them?”
Me: “Well, you know, I do — especially when it is hot out like this, skirts are a lot more comfortable and cool. I mean, the Scots preferred them, too, right?”
FIL: “I just hope he isn’t getting teased too much at school.”
Me: “No, that isn’t a problem. I asked him the other night at dinner if anyone said anything about his dress. He said everyone loved it.”
FIL: “Mmm. I’m not sure how long that is gonna last.”
I’m no idiot. I know that school children can be merciless. However, even in this exceptionally civil conversation, I see a couple of concerning assumptions.
My son isn’t hurting anyone. For whatever reason, he is choosing to wear frills and frocks on occasion. Yet the assumption is that he will be teased for dressing “like a girl,” and that action should be taken to prevent this from happening. There is a simple phrase for this attitude: victim blaming. The implication is that my son, by wearing girls’ clothing, is “asking” to be teased; that he would be the perpetrator of his own [non-existent] torment; that he should conform to societal norms to avoid even the risk of bullying instead of society confronting bullying, in the event that it occurs. If it does occur, why not confront and educate the bully, rather than admonish the victim?
There is also a gender bias here. While girls are often judged for wearing just about anything — be it masculine, feminine, short or long — I think it is fair to say that societal norms favor girls wearing pants more than boys wearing skirts. Girls are permitted (if not encouraged) to emulate boys, while boys are shunned for emulating girls. This continues into adulthood, with serious ramifications for women, men and families. Women are encouraged to “lean in” to their work while child-rearing, but men receive little or no paternity leave and are learning to pass as workaholics so they can spend more time with family. The examples are endless, but suffice it to say that just as the opposite of science isn’t girl, the opposite of boy isn’t teacher, nurse, dancer or homemaker.
My son wore a a flowered shirt, frilly skirt and leg warmers on the last day of school. I am very proud of who he is and the many wonderful girls and women he may wish to emulate. I am proud of his school, which has accepted and embraced him completely thus far. And I am proud of myself for not caving to my in-laws.
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REVIEW: Hibagon – Sydenham, London
REVIEW: Hibagon – Sydenham, London
Sydenham is a part of south London that is not really known for its restaurant scene, so any new restaurant in this area is greeted with a bit of excitement by the locals.
Hibagon is a new Japanese restaurant. It’s a comprehensive menu that offers a bit of everything.
The staff were friendly and efficient, and the food was good – especially if you stick to the basics.
This isn’t the best Japanese restaurant in London, but it could very well be the best Japanese restaurant in Sydenham.
The post REVIEW: Hibagon – Sydenham, London appeared first on Gay Star News.
Gareth Johnson
The Presbyterian Church Is Threatening To Divorce The Marriage Act If Gay People Win The Right To Wed
The Presbyterian Church Is Threatening To Divorce The Marriage Act If Gay People Win The Right To Wed
This just in from the (increasingly overcrowded) Department of Idle Threats: The Presbyterian Church in Australia is claiming they’ll stop marrying anybody, at all, ever again, if same-sex marriage is legalized in the country.
So there.
John McClean, convenor of the Gospel, Society and Culture Committee of the NSW Presbyterian Church, isn’t threatening to set himself on fire or marry his own daughter, but he’d like you to believe he’d rather pull the plug on all this marriage business than see that right extended to gay Australians.
Related: Will the Presbyterian Church Finally Approve Sexually Active Gay Clergy?
In an opinion piece for The Sydney Morning Herald, McClean laments the fact that “most people do not think that sex is only for marriage, and the vast majority of couples in Australia who marry live together first.”
Yeah, this op-ed piece really blows the roof off.
He adds that “[m]any Australians are not convinced that marriage should be for life” and “[n]ow a significant section of the Australian population also want marriage redefined to include same-sex couples.”
He feels these three trends deviate so far from the traditional Christian view of marriage that the only thing left to do is throw in the towel and give up.
According to Pink News, McClean was asked why it was the prospect of same-sex marriage that led him to abruptly take such an extremo stance, and not, say, no-fault divorce or premarital sex. He limply replied that “he was not around in 1975 when no-fault divorce was introduced.” So… he’s just trying to make up for lost time.
Singing a veritable cantata of false notes, McClean claims: “Jesus’ view was that sex is for marriage, marriage is for life, and marriage is for a man and a woman… Many people don’t share any of the three key elements in Jesus’ definition.” So now, he claims, it’s time to withdraw from the Marriage Act altogeteher.
We’d say we don’t follow his logic, but there’s clearly no logic to try following.
Derek de Koff
Gay Cowboys Defeat Texas County Clerk Who Denied Them A Marriage License – VIDEO
Gay Cowboys Defeat Texas County Clerk Who Denied Them A Marriage License – VIDEO
Last week, we told you how Katie Lang (below right), the county clerk in Hood County, Texas, was refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, citing her religious beliefs. We also mentioned that a gay couple of 27 years, Jim Cato and Joe Stapleton, were prepared to sue Lang this morning if she had not issued them a license before then.
As it turns out, Cato and Stapleton did in fact file the lawsuit, but then Lang immediately caved and issued them a license. However, the couple’s attorneys say they won’t drop the lawsuit until she agrees to issue licenses to all couples without delay and pay Cato and Stapleton’s attorneys’ fees. From The Dallas Morning News:
In a prepared statement, attorney Jan Soifer says her clients Jim Cato and Joe Stapleton are “delighted that they finally have been issued a marriage license and can get married in their home county.”
However, she adds, “It’s a shame that they needed to hire lawyers and file a lawsuit to make that happen. The issuance of the license this morning immediately after the lawsuit was filed does not change the fact that Hood County Clerk Katie Lang has been willfully violating the U.S. Constitution and the rule of law since Friday, June 26, when the Supreme Court issued its Obergefell opinion. The license was issued this morning, a few hours after the lawsuit was filed, in handwriting on the existing license form, which proves that County Clerk Lang easily could have complied with the law without waiting ten days. Under these circumstances, the lawsuit will not be dismissed until and unless we have an agreement from Clerk Lang that her office will issue marriage licenses to all couples, gay and straight, without delay, and an agreement to pay Jim and Joe’s attorneys’ fees for being forced to file the lawsuit.”
Cato and Stapleton reportedly plan a press conference later this afternoon. More from CBSDFW.com:
Stapleton and Cato have been waiting 27 years to get married. They finally got the chance after the U.S. Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage. The couple believes that the county clerk’s office violated their constitutional rights. “We’re not after her. We’re not after her job,” Stapleton added. “We’re after equality.”
The issue drew protesters from both sides last week, but only one person was taking a stand on Monday morning — in support of same-sex marriage. “It takes a lawsuit being filed for them to finally get their rights,” stated protester Adam Davies. “That’s just really disgusting, that a threat of punishment of some sort is all that will get people to follow their rights. It’s really embarrassing.”
In other news, Texas state Rep. Cecil Bell, who led the charge against same-sex marriage in the recent legislative session, released an anti-gay manifesto Monday in which he calls for, among other things, the impeachment of Supreme Court justices who sided in favor of marriage equality.
Read Cato and Stapleton’s lawsuit below, and watch news reports about it, below.
The post Gay Cowboys Defeat Texas County Clerk Who Denied Them A Marriage License – VIDEO appeared first on Towleroad.
John Wright
Gay Cowboys Defeat Texas County Clerk Who Denied Them A Marriage License – VIDEO
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PHOTOS: Big Gay Weddings Across Texas
PHOTOS: Big Gay Weddings Across Texas
The capital and largest city of Texas held joint ceremonies for same-sex couples this weekend.
Neal Broverman
www.advocate.com/politics/marriage-equality/2015/07/06/photos-big-gay-weddings-across-texas
Stop in the Shame of Love
Stop in the Shame of Love
Darryl’s self-serving relationship with math should have been the first sign of trouble. After all, his snow white comb-over and liver-spotted hands belied the age he claimed in his online dating profile.
“How does 42 feel?” I asked, having just hit the 40 mark myself. “Are there side effects?” I pitched a joke, hoping he would fess up to the fact that he was an early senior citizen using creative statistics to attract younger dates. With that air cleared, I thought we could continue the evening on honest ground.
“Oh, a number is meaningless,” Darryl said. “In fact, I feel better at 42 than I did at any other age. It’s all about outlook and perspective.”
“I was born in 1975,” I said, “which makes your birth year…?” I wanted to see how quickly he tossed back “1973.”
“Um, 1970?” he blurted as a question, after stumbling over his words for a few seconds.
“Being born in 1970 would make you 45,” I said. “Why add an extra three years?” Both of us knew the gig was up, but Darryl’s misguided confidence made it uncomfortable to watch the flustered facial contortions that were undoubtedly the result of the mental machinations grinding their rusty wheels behind his perfectly Botoxed forehead.
“Did I mention that my best girlfriend and I talk all the time about how aging affects people differently? She is a famous singer, so she feels as though the world has watched her get older.” It was his attempt to shift the spotlight.
Darryl had, in fact, mentioned his “famous” friend more than four times over the course of our initial messages and phone conversations, letting slip early on that they were the same age. And, as it turns out, the well-known chanteuse did, in fact, have a hit song — of the one/wonder variety — on the popular soundtrack of a fan-favorite ’80s film, so it was easy to place both of their ages at 55. She had been public — I Googled it — about being in her mid-20’s during her 15 minutes of fame.
Now, Darryl’s face dropped into an expressionless puddle of skin folds when he realized that he’d basically outed himself as an AARP member. Interestingly, he was the only one at our table for two who had an issue with his actual age. It was the lying that bothered me.
“Will you forgive me?” he asked. “I didn’t think that a 55-year-old could grab your interest, and I just had this feeling we would get along based on your profile.”
Darryl wasn’t wrong about that. His career as a musical theater executive was fascinating, and his good self-esteem was actually a turn on. No, he wasn’t Channing Tatum, but he was smart and funny, two attributes that outweigh matinee idol features on my scorecard.
“I think I can see past it this once,” I answered, “but please be honest going forward, OK?”
“You have my word,” Darryl said. “Now, how about we get out of this restaurant and grab a glass of wine at my house?”
He lied again; there was no glass of wine. He pushed me up against his living room wall with a passionate kiss before he could even ask if I liked white or red. Within minutes, our clothes were off, and Darryl was very vocal about what he wanted and in what positions. He was extremely submissive, making grunting animal noises and begging for sexual release. Admittedly, it was hot, and his stamina could rival that of most of the younger men I had dated. I couldn’t wait to see what vintage he was going to serve up on date two.
Our second meal together was lunch during a workday, leaving no time or place for sex. Darryl’s witty banter and affectionate sensibility, though, made it a great afternoon, leaving us both — or so I thought — anticipating the physical intimacy that would almost certainly come after our third date.
Following a movie and dinner that next weekend, Darryl surprised me by not inviting me into his home when I drove us into his driveway.
“Do you not feel like a glass of wine?” I asked with a wink, nodding to our first date.
“Oh, man, I want to have sex with you more than anything,” he said. “Except for one little problem: I really, really like you.”
Wait, what?
“What I did with you on our first date is what I do with disposable guys whom I don’t plan to see again,” he continued. “It was just dirty sex that I wouldn’t want to bring into the bedroom with someone I actually care about.”
“Let me make sure I am understanding this,” I said. “Are you saying that you didn’t think much of me on our first date, so you engaged in sex acts that you’d consider shameful if applied to a person you might want to see another time?”
“Basically, yeah,” Darryl replied. “Now, I want to do this the right way. I want to keep dating you and make love when the time is right. I want to start over and forget that the first night ever happened.”
For years, I had worked tirelessly to release all of the shame that I’d attached to my own sexual desires, and Darryl’s plan would take me back to that dark place.
“I don’t consider satisfying, consensual sex to be dirty, and I hardly think it’s necessary to forget our first date or to hit the pause button,” I said. “I enjoyed our first time, and I want to feel what comes next — be it frantic, passionate sex or more tender lovemaking.”
“That’s probably a couple of months away for me,” he said. “I need to put some distance between that sleazy banging and the kind of sex I want to ultimately have with you. I just need to move my mind past it.”
“Sort of like the way your mind moved past 1960?” I asked, irritated and feeling jerked around like a yo-yo.
“I know it seems like I am taking a step backward in my attempt to move ahead with you,” Darryl said. “Call me old…”
“Stop right there,” I retorted, before he could get the word “fashioned” out of his mouth. “It was really nice meeting you, but I think this will be our last date.”
“Are you serious?” he shouted, getting out of my silver sports car and slamming the door. “I can’t believe I even considered having ‘real’ sex with you.”
What I couldn’t believe was how concerned a 55-year-old, out-of-the-closet man was about embracing his true physical interests. He was embarrassed about his sexual proclivities and ashamed to act on them with someone he thought highly of — and, at last, I realized that I had too much hard-earned self-respect to run the risk of losing it.
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Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker’s sons disappointed in dad’s dissing of gay marriage ruling
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker’s sons disappointed in dad’s dissing of gay marriage ruling
The two sons of Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker were not happy to see their father take the US Supreme Court to task for making same-sex marriage legal in all 50 states.
After the 26 June ruling, Republican presidential hopeful Walker stated: ‘I believe this Supreme Court decision is a grave mistake,’ blamed ‘five unelected judges’ and called for an amendment to the US Constitution giving states the ability to decide if same-sex couples can marry.
‘We will need a conservative president who will appoint men and women to the Court who will faithfully interpret the Constitution and laws of our land without injecting their own political agendas,’ Walker also stated.
Matt Walker and Alex Walker immediately voiced their displeasure to their mother.
‘That was a hard one,’ Tonette Walker tells the Washington Post. ‘Our sons were disappointed. . . . I was torn. I have children who are very passionate [in favor of same-sex marriage], and Scott was on his side very passionate.’
She adds: ‘It’s hard for me because I have a cousin who I love dearly – she is like a sister to me – who is married to a woman, her partner of 18 years.’
Alex Walker had even been the best man at the wedding of the cousin, Shelli Marquardt, and her wife Cathy Priem.
At his first public appearance after the ‘grave mistake’ statement, the governor toned down his comments on gay marriage and said: ‘We should respect the opinions of others in America. But that in return means that they not only respect our opinions, they respect what is written in the Constitution.’
The sons are still planning to take some time off from college to work on their dad’s presidential campaign – he will formally announce on 13 July – despite their disagreement on the hot button marriage issue.
The post Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker’s sons disappointed in dad’s dissing of gay marriage ruling appeared first on Gay Star News.
Greg Hernandez
