Let's Talk About the Time I Was Called a Homophobe
I’ve been called many things in my life.

Sissy. Asshole. Ugly. Faggot. Someone even asked me if I was a boy or a girl one time.

These jabs are all par for the course for an adolescent, given the world in which we live.

Sad and true, but we overcome.

One thing I never thought I’d be called, however, is a homophobe. Sort of an oxymoron, I think, considering that I’m an unabashedly homosexual guy who wouldn’t trade who I am for anything. Sure, there were times when I was younger that I used to pray that I could be like the other boys; times that I would cry myself to sleep over the pain of being different without understanding why, but, as you know, with age comes wisdom — and, now, I think it’s truly a blessing that I’m gay.

You can imagine, then, that I was surprised and confused when — in response to an article I wrote for my syndicated LGBT column “The Frivolist,” about how coming out on a holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas isn’t a great idea — a reader wrote a lengthy diatribe in a letter to the editor about how I was a self-loathing hater of the homos.

In my original piece, I touched on points that included how the focus of the holidays should be on togetherness, not divisiveness; how there may be few options for refuge this time of year if the coming out doesn’t go well; and, how breaking the news at a festive gathering can be awkward for extended family and other guests who aren’t vested (and likely prefer not to be) in immediate-family issues.

Granted, my take on this topic was perhaps a bit glass-half-empty, but not undeservedly so.

Just like the names I was called growing up, the reaction to one’s coming out — especially when a celebration is under way — is not borne from idealism, but rather “real worldism” where the people we love are capable of being shockingly terrible and cruel. Occasionally, malignancy rears its ugly head, and those consequences should always be considered.

I wish this wasn’t reality, of course, but there’s a long list of untimely LGBT suicides to support my argument.

Conversely, though, that’s not to say that everyone’s coming out will be met with resistance and disdain. Lots of LGBT people come out to their loved ones who respond by extending open arms. I like to believe that we’re all progressing toward a more humane outlook on life and treatment of others. But, we’re not completely there yet (there’s a long way to go, in fact), and rejection by friends and family is still all too common.

Even so, the author of the rebuttal to my piece picks apart my argument one by one — nine times over, actually — to provide a militant take on my personal opinion, which, strangely, is masked by a sunshine-and-rainbows approach to modern-day gay existence. He or she (the author’s name is androgynous, and I don’t want to get into more trouble by gender-misidentifying) suggests that I seek therapy for my “own internalized homophobia,” calls the article “garbage,” deems me a “self-hating homosexual man who really ought not be giving advice on coming out,” and recommends that I participate in a pride march.

A lot to chew on, if I say so myself.

To provide you with a little more perspective from my point of view, it’s important to note that my journalism career is deeply rooted in LGBT media, and I’ve received plenty of hate mail in the past.

You should have seen the influx of nasty-grams I received when I wrote a piece called “Gays: Get Out of the Military,” a title that lured in both supporters and deniers of LGBT rights, and which ultimately won an Excellence in Journalism Award from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association.

To be honest, I rather enjoy those emails, tweets and letters that are seething with rage. Such a passionate response to what I’ve written means that I’ve compelled the reader to react — for better or worse — and that’s for what I’m always striving.

Nevertheless, I’ve never responded to any disagreeing content sent or published by my readers for one infallible reason: Everyone is entitled to freedom of speech and freedom of the press, and they deserve it.

Yet, I feel obliged to reply in this instance because “homophobe” is a severe and callous accusation that isn’t at all accurate in describing me. Furthermore, it’s uninformed, a gross mischaracterization and, frankly, just plain ignorant to call me a homophobe for having a solid opinion that doesn’t adhere to the code of queer dictators.

Oddly, though, I don’t know exactly how to prove that I’m not a homophobe; that, quite oppositely, I’m very proud to be gay and embrace all that is associated with my sexual orientation.

I can tell you that I’ve worked pride events; I’ve publicly participated in equal-rights rallies; and, I’ve been a member of a gay kickball team. I play trivia with a group of gay men (and a few fab ladies) on a regular basis; I attend a gay men’s AA meeting, and I’m currently on a gay bowling league with my face splashed across my local newspaper in support of it. I’ve written innumerable articles supporting all manner of LGBT topics. I repost Queerty and Gay Voices articles to social media. And, I even watch HBO’s Looking, despite that I find it incredibly boring. (What can I say? — I like the bare butts.)

Then again, I do prefer to date masculine men (which my fellow Huffington Post blogger regards as an indication that I might be a homophobe) because that’s my personal preference. I tend to make heterosexual friends wherever I go because they’re more abundant, and I don’t want to live in a glittery bubble (I have lots of gay friends too, though). I thoroughly enjoy non-gay bars and establishments (that’s not to say I don’t support LGBT-owned-and-operated businesses — I do, frequently — but, let’s face it, the eye candy is tastier at a Buffalo Wild Wings than at a Hamburger Mary’s). I don’t mind when bachelorette parties come into our bars. And, I generally think that some LGBT people should put down the pitchforks and torches and get over themselves already. Because it’s not a good look, hun-ty.

In light of everything then, do any of these unrepentant revelations make me a homophobe or not a homophobe? I don’t necessarily think so. Because, if you want it straight, the only thing that has any validity in absolving me from the homophobe misnomer slapped on me by one over-reaching reader is me saying that I’m not a homophobe. I’m not apologetic for who I am, but I’m also not afraid of who I am as a successful, self-loving gay man.

Take it or leave it; that’s your decision.

I like who I see in the mirror. I sleep perfectly well at night.

And that’s all the validation I need.

www.huffingtonpost.com/mikey-rox/lets-talk-about-the-time-i-was-called-a-homophobe_b_6615350.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices

Spread the Message That #LoveCantWait This Valentine’s Day

How are you celebrating love this Valentine’s Day? HRC wants to know.
HRC.org

www.hrc.org/blog/entry/spread-the-message-that-lovecantwait-this-valentines-day?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss-feed

College Swimmer Celebrates Coming Out By Partying With Teammates At Chipotle

Last month, 19-year-old Villanova University swimmer Ryan Murtha (pictured) gathered his teammates together before practice to share a secret he had been living with for years, OutSports reports. It was a secret he had didn’t think he could ever tell anyone, given his Roman Catholic upbringing, his work with the Boy Scouts of America, and the fact that he was on a college sports team.

Standing in front of the entire Villanova men’s swim team, Murtha pulled out the letter he had written beforehand. After nervously clearing his throat, he read:

So this is tough for me and I apologize for taking so long to tell you guys this, but it took me forever to admit to myself and then it’s been really hard to work up the courage to say it.

I’m gay. I’ve tried to bury this part of myself for a long time but slowly grew to accept it over the past year and a half. I want you guys to know that this isn’t something that I chose. I was just born with it.

Anyway, I want you to know that I’m still the same person that I’ve been. I hope you guys don’t see me any differently because of this. I don’t think it should define me totally; it’s just one of many parts that make up who I am.

But if for whatever reason you don’t like me because of this, I guess I can’t blame you because for a long time I hated myself for being gay, too. I made myself believe that living with this shame was worth not losing any of my friendships. But I don’t want to be ashamed anymore. And I’ve kind of felt like I wouldn’t be able to 100% accept myself and move on until I could be truthful with my friends. That’s you guys. So if you’re down to stick around and still be my friend, I can’t even begin to say how grateful I would be.

If you have any questions or if you want to talk to me about it, feel free.

When he was finished, the room was absolutely silent.

“I was pretty terrified,” Murtha tells OutSports. “Forever I had played this in my head over and over again. That little pause after I finished speaking, all of the worst-possible scenarios played through my head. What if they didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore?”

Much to his relief, none of those scenarios happened.

Moments later, one of his teammates broke the silence by clapping. Then another one joined in. And another. Soon, everyone was applauding, offering Murtha’s hugs and high fives and letting him know that his sexuality wouldn’t have any impact on how they felt towards him.

“Obviously, it turned out well in the end,” he says.

So well, in fact, that the whole team decided to hit Chipotle for a burrito-infused, post-coming out fiesta.

At Chipotle, his teammates again reassured Murtha that everything was cool and that they accepted him no matter what.

Murtha says that since coming out to his teammates, he’s also found the courage to come out to his parents, though he admits they are still struggling with it. He also had to quit the Boy Scouts, since the organization bans openly gay people from working with youth.

“It seems hypocritical not letting gay leaders into the Scouts,” he says. “The Scout Law lays it out pretty clearly. ‘A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent.’ The policy prohibiting gay people goes against a lot of those points.”

But he’s not letting that get the best of him. Murtha says he hopes that by sharing his story will help encourage others to do the same.

“I want to be able to help people going through the same thing that I did,” he says. “If sharing my story can help just one person, then it will be worth it.”

Related stories:

Olympic Rower Robbie Manson Shares His Inspiring Coming Out Story

Ian Thorpe’s Coming Out Receives Highest Praises On Twitter

Teen Tennis Ace Tweets Amazing Coming Out Note, Receives “Phenomenal” Response

Graham Gremore

feedproxy.google.com/~r/queerty2/~3/bgNjpNvAXgA/college-swimmer-celebrates-coming-out-by-partying-with-teammates-at-chipotle-20150206

Azealia Banks Calls Out Gay Male Misogyny, Defends Her Use of the Word 'Faggot'

Charles Pulliam-Moore

www.towleroad.com/2015/02/azealia-banks-calls-out-gay-male-misogyny-defends-her-language-choices.html

Megan Hilty: Life After 'Smash'

Broadway’s blonde bombshell reflects on being a new mother, an LGBT activist, and battling antigay Internet trolls.

read more

Adam Sandel

www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/music/2015/02/06/megan-hilty-life-after-smash

Supermodel Patricia Velasquez Comes Out As Gay
Venezuelan supermodel Patricia Velasquez has come out as gay in a new memoir.

Velasquez, who has been dubbed the “first Latina supermodel,” opens up about her sexuality in her new book, Straight Walk. She writes that while working in the modeling world in the 1990s, she was living a lie that was “tortuous” and “eroding my soul bit by bit,” according to Yahoo Parenting.

The 43-year-old was inspired to talk publicly about her journey by her 8-year-old daughter, Maya.

“It’s very difficult to face your past, so I put off doing anything like this for a long time,” she told Yahoo Parenting. “But as my daughter started growing up and I was teaching her to be honest and proud, I knew it was time for me to set an example — and that meant facing my truth. For me, living life with truth and honesty is the one thing I want to make sure she understands.”

In Straight Walk, Velasquez discusses her life-altering relationship with comedian Sandra Bernhard, whom she met backstage at a fashion show, according to excerpts obtained by the New York Post. After they hooked up, Velasquez struggled with what had happened and slept with a male fashion photographer.

“In my head I thought, ‘I just wanted to prove one thing, and I did.’ There was no middle ground for me — a person was gay or not gay. Being gay was not for me.” But she went on to date Bernhard exclusively, without labeling herself. “I was deeply in love with Sandra in a way I’d never experienced before.”

When the relationship ended, Velasquez “cried for two years,” according to the Post.

She has modeled for Ralph Lauren, Isaac Mizrahi, Chanel, Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated. She also appeared in “The Mummy” and “Arrested Development.”

Straight Walk hits shelves Feb. 10.

www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/06/supermodel-patricia-velasquez-gay_n_6629766.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices