Daily Archives: November 6, 2014



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How '50 Shades Of Grey' Made BDSM Go Mainstream

How '50 Shades Of Grey' Made BDSM Go Mainstream
Middlebrow is a recap of the week in entertainment, celebrity and television news that provides a comprehensive look at the state of pop culture. From the rock bottom to highfalutin, Middlebrow is your accessible guidebook to the world of entertainment. Sign up to receive it in your inbox here.

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In a Sunday interview with The Guardian, Jamie Dornan informed the world that there will be exactly zero penis shots in “50 Shades Of Grey.” Or to use the actor’s parlance, Dornan’s “todger” won’t appear. The news struck fans with shock rivaled only by the realization that the pinot is running low: What good is a movie about sexy sex without any male nudity? That collective reaction encompasses the way E.L. James has made embracing expression of sexuality acceptable. By bringing Christian Grey into our consciousness, “50 Shades” made it okay to talk about BDSM the daylight.

There have been porn sites dedicated to BDSM since the dawn of time the Internet. But it’s not something we were ever especially comfortable with. The stigmatized perception of kink rang especially true for E.L. James’ target audience (presumably repressed women in book clubs). BDSM was wholly taboo prior to this rise of Anastasia Steele’s inner goddess. So, what happened?

Well, lets back up: Calling all “50 Shades”-reading book clubs “repressed” isn’t fair. But if we’re being real, James’ book is not for practicing sadists and masochists. The BDSM reflected in those pages is not BDSM in real life. As Roxanne Gay wrote for The Rumpus: “This analogy might help illustrate the difference between BDSM in the real world, and BDSM in the world of E.L. James—Fifty Shades of Grey : BDSM :: McDonalds : Food.” That about sums it up. Yet, on some level, this explosion of erotic content at a macro-culture level helped people who might not have otherwise had exposure to any food get a taste of Mickey D’s.

The power of “50 Shades” lies in that cheap and accessible packaging. It’s reductive, simplistic and partly wrong, but that’s what made it explode into a 100-million-copy phenomenon. It gives access to people who might have been otherwise either unaware or, perhaps worse, ashamed. As Dr. Audrey Ervin, professor of psychology at Delaware Valley College wrote on the subject, “What the book does say for sure is that there are women who want to explore sexual themes that aren’t mainstream and that books are giving those women who are curious an avenue to do that.” The key word there is “mainstream.” By breaking into the visible cultural stratosphere, “50 Shades” made it okay to sexually experiment and opened the lines of communication for doing so.

This isn’t so simple or silly as Suzy Homemaker using Swifer pads to lightly restrain her husband (that’s a joke and there’s a whole separate discussion to be had about whether we should be calling this stuff “mommy porn”). The thing to ponder here is the social constructs that surround our sexuality. The idea that these kind of activities are seen as abnormal or fetishistic until they are cast into the mainstream sheds light on how silly any of our social restrictions are in the first place. If the same people lining up for the midnight showing of “50 Shades” would have ever hesitated to participate in a discourse surrounding BDSM, maybe we need to worry a bit less about what other people think of our “todger”-related preferences.

Follow Lauren Duca on Twitter: @laurenduca

www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/05/middelbrow-50-shades-of-grey_n_6106816.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices

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5 Easy Tips For Creating A Better Online Dating Profile

5 Easy Tips For Creating A Better Online Dating Profile

Screen Shot 2014-10-31 at 11.16.00 AMGay dating websites can be an awesome way to connect but can also be a real drag. Messages go unanswered, hours seem wasted scrolling through endless profiles and something that’s supposed to hook you up leaves you feeling as isolated as ever. But the problem can be easier to solve than you think.

It might seem annoying to work on your profile, but imagine it from your potential suitors’ perspective. What you say in your profile, and more importantly how you say it, are all anyone has to go off of. And the photos you choose may seem trivial, but they matter more than anything.

Here are some tips for a great online profile, and to get your dating life kicked into gear, we’ve partnered with our friends at Compatible Partners to offer Queerty readers a 75% discount on a six-month membership. Just use promo code: QUEERTY75

1. Put your best face(s) forward

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Imagine you aren’t you. Take a look at your dating profile’s photos and ask yourself, “Would I date him?” It’s an awkward and mildly narcissistic query, but your photos should communicate two clear messages: “I am a real person,” and “I have a personality.”

If you really want to dive into the data, people with four or more photos have the best online dating experience. Also, choose a main photo that’s a medium shot (not quite a close-up) and features the left side of your face. Yes, really.

2. Leave your friends out of it

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It’s tempting to include photos of you with your friends at a bar. We get it — you’re socially well-adjusted and the life of the party. But these can be problematic. A photo of you surrounded by a bunch of cute guys isn’t the most approachable, and it can even be confusing which one is actually you.

3. To selfie or not to selfie?

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Let’s say you have four photos on your profile. At least two of them shouldn’t be selfies. Try using photos of you in your element, whatever your element may be. Enjoy hiking? Next time you and a friend hit the trails, ask them to help you with a little photo shoot. A shirtless picture of you on a mountaintop is infinitely more attractive than a shirtless picture of you in a bathroom mirror.

4. Tell people what you’re into, not what you aren’t into

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“I take care of my body and am looking for someone who enjoys staying fit,” sounds a whole lot better than “not into fat guys.” You’ll get better results staying positive than you will by putting other people down. Avoid phrases like “masc only” or racial boundaries. You may think you’re just being honest, but it makes you sound like a total jerk. Nobody wants to date a jerk.

5. Avoid cliches

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Not into “drama”? That’s great, nobody would ever say otherwise. Do you enjoy “movies and music”? Congratulations, you are a human being. Instead of spouting off these phrases that really don’t mean anything, try getting more specific. “I love Wes Anderson films and can’t get enough Beyonce.” OK, now we know something about you.

The same goes for how you message people. “Hey” and “What’s up?” are two surefire ways of not getting replied to. Take 30 seconds to actually read the other person’s profile and comment on something specific. Even a cheesy joke can go a long way. “If you were a tropical fruit, you’d be a Fine-apple!” At least it’s memorable.

Dan Tracer

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