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12 Insanely Tacky Gay Decorations To Make Your Christmas More Mary
OK, now that we’re just about through with Thanksgiving, it’s finally an appropriate time to talk about Christmas. Break out the wreaths and lights and baubles and whatnot!
While many gays have a decorator’s eye, other gay households … how to put this nicely … don’t exactly have a style queen at the ready. And that’s OK! We can’t all be Martha Stewart. If you don’t have a knack for decorating, all you have to do is commit to going as tacky and hideous as possible.
We’ve rounded up some inspiration for you below, starting with James and Sebastian, who have decided to go with a rainbow motif this year. When you’re done using it under your tree, you can fashion it into a hoop skirt and wear it to the spring cotillion.
We’re going to have to balk at any ornament that involves putting the word “sex” all over a Christmas tree.
We can’t hate this testacle-ornament too much, since it’s designed to raise awareness of testicular cancer. So, OK, fine. We’re aware. We don’t know what good it does for us to be reminded of cancer every time we look at a Christmas tree, but anyway, mission accomplished. Maybe you can invite all your friends over and do a self-check together while sipping cocoa.
Albinism can strike anyone, even trees. Be sure to pair your ghostly apparition with a topless painting of a woman who sort of resembles Rita Moreno.
If you’re going to decorate homosexually, you can either go big or go home. We actually love what the Homorazzi team has done here, slathering a gingerbread house with so much glitz and noise that it’s become completely inedible and a little threatening, just like Lady Gaga herself. What could be more appetizing than a gingerbread lady with actual hair? And the meatroof is a perfect touch. The chimney appears to have caught on fire.
Oh, look, it’s a tree made of Pepto-Bismol.
Just the thing for the man in your life who adores both football and The Little Mermaid. It’s a difficult sport to play under the sea, and the Homecoming bonfire is always a bust, but this jock perseveres.
Two men cavort next to what appears to be a snowman made of sand. One of them is raising his taint so that he may express an anal gland to scent-mark his work. This is how gay men communicate.
Not quite sure what’s going on with this one. It appears to be two bald Mister Cleans in an apocalyptic hellscape, or possibly World 8 of a Mario Bros game. One of them is about ot knee the other in the groin.
Here’s a tasteful holiday wreath. Nothing unseemly here, no sir. Dick the halls!
You can also wear your hideous decor with pride, as did Fausto Fernós of Feast of Fun. He appears to be doing the robot, a traditional Christmas dance.
But perhaps the most horrifying of the bunch is this: an original John Waters bauble, complete with dead cockroach. Happy holidays!
matt baume
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